Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 19 of 19 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,617 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have heard this alot but I dont think it rings true for every woman. I know many people say a woman will look for traits in her mate that her father has but how many women out there actually do this? I know when I chose my spouse he was not akin to my father. He is akin to one of my sisters. No this doesnt mean he was or is femenine, far from it in fact.

What I am saying is I think a female will choose a life partner that has traits of a family member that they were or are closest too. For me... It was my sister.

What or who is it for other women... Or even men? I have heard that men marry thier mother as well but I dont think this is necessarily true either.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,214 Posts
Years after I got married, I realized that my wife had all the positive traits I subconsciously admired in my mother.
I grew up with my mum and we never had a good relationship.
I would always do things my way. She was domineering and I resisted it with every muscle in my body. I always stood up to her no matter what the consequences were. I always stood my ground.
Our relationship was antagonistic, but I was successful at school,worked for my own money part time,was very self reliant so after a while she just gave up trying to control me.
The good traits of my mother were that she was a strong, opinionated woman , extremely resourceful, had sound values and believed in her self.
**She also hated injustice. She was involved in politics at the community level.

My wife basically had the same good qualities as my mom.
Very opinionated [ I respect that ],very resourceful and strong. But what really attracted me to her was that she believed in me and respected me.
After introducing her to my mon, the relationship between us [ my mother & I] began to heal.
Today, my wife and mom are inseparable, and we have a very good relationship.She no longer tries to control me, she simply suggests ,and I try my best to fulfil her requests.



**
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
158 Posts
I never dated with the intent to look for someone like my dad, but I noticed later that a couple of my ex boyfriends had many of his traits. When I got older I did look for someone with a stronger personality than mine,the opposite of my dad, and that is who I married.

My sister's husband is so much like my dad personality wise it's uncanny, as many of us have commented on it. Unfortunately, he also has some of the same bad habits of my dad.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,076 Posts
I went out of my way to get with someone who was nothing like my dad, I had ZERO respect for my father and he was a massive hypocrite so there was no way I was going to get with someone like him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,221 Posts
I did NOT marry my father. But...I hardly knew my biological father and my step father had no spine in the end...so I knew what I DIDN'T want.

However, my husband is very smart like my biological dad and very handy like my step-dad. So that part rings true.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,453 Posts
I think it all depends on what our fathers were like.

My father was pure 'alpha,' with no 'beta' qualities (I use these terms purely as a point of reference), and I grew up to feel utterly repelled by men like him. I have always opted for strong men, however, but ones who could nurture me as well, and my partner fits the bill perfectly. Alpha with good beta qualities.
 
  • Like
Reactions: waiwera

·
Registered
Joined
·
123 Posts
wow..yes.

my first husband who was an abuser was NOTHING LIKE MY DAD..i was married to him for ten awful years.

my second..now..forever ..husband actually worked with my dad..had the same trade as him. acts just like him...and IS HIM in sooooo many ways.

should have waited for him all along..but then we would not have our daughter or grandkids.

so ...yes..eventually married a man EXACTLY like my EXCELLENT daddy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,221 Posts
my exh was most like my mother, i heard you actually marry the one you have the most issues to work out with
Posted via Mobile Device
YES.

My ex was exactly like my mother. Almost shared a birthday too :rofl: That should have been my first clue to bail.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
723 Posts
My H is not like my father & the only traits I share with his mother are the usual female ones. Probably just as well my H is not like my father because apparently I am like my mother & my parents fight constantly.

My son, on the other hand, married a girl that is not only like me in nature, but has the same physical characteristics. My daughter's boyfriend is very similar to her father & all of her brothers. I guess they are comfortable with these traits because it is what they grew up with.

I am not sure if my son has issues with me & that is why he chose the girl he did, as far as I know we get on just fine. My daughter laughs about how much her b/f is like her father & brothers.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,221 Posts
My H is not like my father & the only traits I share with his mother are the usual female ones. Probably just as well my H is not like my father because apparently I am like my mother & my parents fight constantly.

My son, on the other hand, married a girl that is not only like me in nature, but has the same physical characteristics. My daughter's boyfriend is very similar to her father & all of her brothers. I guess they are comfortable with these traits because it is what they grew up with.
My cousin married a woman who looks EXACTLY like his mom.

It's weird.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,147 Posts
I was never real close with my father... He was always occupied with my Step Mom, or working in the garage, hanging with buddies . I was closer with his Mom- my Grandma.... but I've always respected my Dad, he is a good man, he took care of me....I am actually a ton like him....in the way we view life , love, money, tough love approach with raising children, traditional values.

... I'd say my husband IS like my father (but softer)......when him & my dad would get together, they's always be on the same page -in everything they talked about..... Though my husband is much more involved with the kids over my dad.

My husband had a very loving childhood.... I can't say I am anything like his Mom in personality, interests or Looks. He was not looking to marry one like his Mom if He wanted me!

She is a very laid back sweet woman ...Not that I can't be sweet, but I am more feisty, more challenging....stuff she likes to do would bore me to tears...& stuff I like to do - she'd think that would be stressful or it might raise her blood pressure.

Sometimes our conversations would go like that, we just never had much in common.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,478 Posts
Yes i married a man like dear old dad.

I'm a real daddys girl. Grew up following dad around the garden and running with him (for fun and in competition).

My H is very like him. A lovely dad and husband. Both would be beta men and both are kind and nurturing. Both have wicked senses of humor...both even look somewhat similar.

This is all mentioned by my bossy big sister on occasions... she tells me it's creepy! LOL!!
But we both know she just jealous...cause she is!

I don't think I'm like his Mum at all....other than loving him. She a good church woman...I'm a god-less Brit, she up at dawn making pancakes.....I'm more of a Garfield...needing a coffee and some quiet time...etc..
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
339 Posts
Given that we start to establish our genders at about two years old, and that we have the most contact with out parents it is little wonder that our image of what it is to be male or female is founded on our parents we tend to marry people like our parents. This is more or less true for about 85 % of us. Others react negatively to the their parents and will marry people who are very different then their parents. I have traits that both my wife's father and my father had While my wife has many traits shared by our mothers. Of course there are differences too. My son is like me and his wife is very much his mother I have a friend who came from a home where the father was an alcoholic. She married an alcoholic, left him for a man she thought was not an alcoholic, but he became one. She married a total of five times, each one had alcohol problems.
 
1 - 19 of 19 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top