[Diana7]

I wouldn't dismiss anyone older than myself based on age. It's probably a geographic thing for me. The town I'm from most women over 30 already have multiple kids and quite frankly have not taken good care of themselves. I'm just being honest, I know a lot of ladies my age and its not good. But if someone is out there I wouldn't dismiss them due to age for one moment.

Dont go just by who is local to you.

 

[Broken at 20]

The good news is I was the one who did the majority of the cooking (cleaning and laundry as well, she would deep clean like once a month but that's about it). Unless I was working and she had to coble something together. I actually eat extremely healthy and meal prep etc. I also smoke a lot of meats, which, isn't necessarily the best but some pulled pork with broccoli or a salad isn't that bad of a deal. My only vice is beer, craft or otherwise but I've been working on that.

Isn't smoked meat a big cancer risk? I tend to steam most of my food, usually chicken. Tends to not be the greatest, but I use spices and stuff to make it taste different every week. That way I don't get sick of it. And I'll make other foods to keep myself sane. Also helps to marinate in wine along with other marinades or herbs. Just a thought?

If you're looking for stuff to do to keep yourself busy during the...however long it takes people to heal from this, if I was you. I'd do a bunch of projects around the house to make it a pristine bachelor pad.

So as a beer drinker, you could get a wet bar installed. Some shelves for hard stuff that you won't drink but show-off, then a few spouts (or whatever they're called for kegs?) for maybe a few kegs of craft beer? Plus the glassware. Stools. Little fridge for beer bottles and whatever else, maybe a wine cooler or fridge or whatever?
Then since you workout, maybe a workout room? Set of weights, equipment, and a TV? That's what I would also get. Since you have a dog, don't know if I'd suggest a treadmill.
Maybe turn a spare bedroom into a mini theater? Get a projector and screen, some reclining leather chairs, maybe step it so if you have two rows people in the 2nd row can still see. Plus a surround-sound system (heads up on this: my system is 5.1, with some voice-only bar, etc., probably costs me $3K-4K, can't remember if that includes the TV? Anyway, that voice-only bar, so you can hear dialogue? WASTE OF MONEY! If they try to talk you into it, REFUSE! It's not even included in the speaker count of my 5.1 system!)
Or you could redo the kitchen if you really like cooking? If I had a house, I'd have a giant fridge, freezer, maybe a second smaller freezer so I could store up on stuff when there is a sale, better stove top, double oven, built-in steamer, all the toys. Maybe granite countertops?
Fix up the closet. Better lights, lift up the racks so you can do double racks, dress shirts on the top, slacks and whatever else on the bottom rack, another rack for shoes. Then another single one for suits. Maybe also fit some mirrors so you can see how you look? Another place to display your ties?

If you already have all those things...I'm first going to ask how you got married in the first place and kept all those toys?

 

[jlg07]

I guess only time will tell. I won't know either way unless someone reaches out to me and lets me know. I've removed her from every aspect of my life at this point. Her family does love me though and still reaches out everyone once in a while, so I'd imagine through their social media or something like that I would find out what eventually happens. The only way I could see it working out for them is that she has to make it work. I'm not sure she could support herself at this point and as drastic of a life change as this is she can't be wrong or it will end extremely bad. She dropped everything to move states away with someone she dated 8-9 years ago. She told me she was just trying to move on from him the entire time she was with me (for 7 years!). Seems insane to me but they are convinced they are "soul mates" or something.

Just remember, there is a reason(s) they broke up way back then -- I BET those haven't really changed all that much. She was looking at the past with nostalgia lenses and not correctly remembering things.
And YES it's ok to hope they implode (they probably will)

 

[wellwhatnow2021]

Just remember, there is a reason(s) they broke up way back then -- I BET those haven't really changed all that much. She was looking at the past with nostalgia lenses and not correctly remembering things.
And YES it's ok to hope they implode (they probably will)

It's my understanding that they didn't really break up traditionally. He went off on a job and before he could come back she was forced to move back to the state I reside in currently (because she couldn't support herself). She had to move back in with one of her parents. Who knows what the truth is or what actually went down but that's what I've been told. I have learned that due to the way things ended he has bothered her on and off through out mine and her relationship, thus causing a few issues here and there which now make much more sense. I also know that in the time away he has also left another woman to be a single parent, while bothering my married wife so I can't imagine he is the best of guys... which also blows my mind on how she could make this decision. But in the end it doesn't matter now, I can only hope they implode and focus on making my life much better than it was.

 

[jlg07]

If they were soul mates, he would have either TAKEN her with him for the job, or NOT taken the job.
If he left a woman to be a single parent to be with your wife, yeah SUPER class guy there (NOT!)
You are going to be MUCH better off.

 

[wellwhatnow2021]

If you already have all those things...I'm first going to ask how you got married in the first place and kept all those toys?

I have a lot, she wasn't exactly a homemaker and didn't really even start decorating in a until about a year ago. She struggled to make it hers until recently I suppose. I offered to remodel either the side room or the upstairs of my shop into her own personal space or something similar for her but she wasn't interested.

The first room I will be redoing is the guest room. I'm turning it into a music room and potential lounge. I also thought about building a bar in the kitchen but I am wary of having drinks around like that currently. I don't need anything to derail me. Trying to keep drinking a social thing at the moment rather than drinking alone at home. I don't feel like that would be good for me at this time.

 

[wellwhatnow2021]

If they were soul mates, he would have either TAKEN her with him for the job, or NOT taken the job.
If he left a woman to be a single parent to be with your wife, yeah SUPER class guy there (NOT!)
You are going to be MUCH better off.

Deep down, I know I will be which is why I have turned all my focus into my next stage. It may be lonely or whatever, and the situation is sad (there's no way around it) but I just have to move forward. Never in my life would I imagine I would have to deal with this kind of nonsense either.

 

[LisaDiane]

I think it is great that you are so positive. Statistically you should wait about nine months before dating. I'd say until you finish that second Masters degree. Me, I'd never have the heart to do what you want to do. One marriage is All I have in me.

But is YOUR choice making you happy even...?

 

[VladDracul]

Also I'm not even sure what age range I should be looking at.

Take my word for it my man, you want a woman about 7-9 years younger than you. Also you want them to be no younger than 25. Stay away for the older girl unless its for short term, NOS, friendship. At 33, a classy girl 10 years older may be the cats pajamas. When you're 63, and she's 10 years older, not so much.

 

[Marc878]

Any relationship needs to be balanced. You do to much you can get taken advantage off. Watch that in the future. Expect them to do their part.

FOO issues run deep so take a good look before you jump into the next one.

As far as the x consider yourself lucky. Folks come here 15-20 years in with kids going through this.
Block her on everything once the D is done or now if there’s nothing to wrap up. Her parents and family too. You don’t need that Interference. It’s the best way to move on.

If you haven’t purge all her stuff. Drop it off at her folks place or dump it.

At your age you’ll be more than fine.

 

[wellwhatnow2021]

Any relationship needs to be balanced. You do to much you can get taken advantage off. Watch that in the future. Expect them to do their part.

FOO issues run deep so take a good look before you jump into the next one.

As far as the x consider yourself lucky. Folks come here 15-20 years in with kids going through this.
Block her on everything once the D is done or now if there’s nothing to wrap up. Her parents and family too. You don’t need that Interference. It’s the best way to move on.

If you haven’t purge all her stuff. Drop it off at her folks place or dump it.

At your age you’ll be more than fine.

What is FOO?

Also, pretty much everything has been purged. There's a few things left that still remind me of her, for instance we just got done remodeling the kitchen about a month before all this happened (her idea). I may have to remodel it again, I'm not sure. She's been blocked on everything. The parents and family will be hard to do because I really got along with them. Would host Christmas, BBQs, etc. Just big family gatherings. They have all reached out to me in support, and honestly it seems they are all very disappointed and upset with her. I've "muted" them so I don't have to see posts or whatever but I doubt I can block them.

 

[samyeagar]

What is FOO?

Also, pretty much everything has been purged. There's a few things left that still remind me of her, for instance we just got done remodeling the kitchen about a month before all this happened (her idea). I may have to remodel it again, I'm not sure. She's been blocked on everything. The parents and family will be hard to do because I really got along with them. Would host Christmas, BBQs, etc. Just big family gatherings. They have all reached out to me in support, and honestly it seems they are all very disappointed and upset with her. I've "muted" them so I don't have to see posts or whatever but I doubt I can block them.

FOO = Family of Origin.

Family of origin issues like having a really screwed up childhood. Abusive or cheating parents, sexual abuse, drug use, multiple divorces, things like that.

 

[VladDracul]

What is FOO?

FOO = Family of Origin.

I thought it was that Chinese spy chick, the Congressman, old Eric Stallwell shagged.

 

[wellwhatnow2021]

FOO = Family of Origin.

Family of origin issues like having a really screwed up childhood. Abusive or cheating parents, sexual abuse, drug use, multiple divorces, things like that.

I see. Yeah, I knew that was a red flag when we started dating but I also felt like I was being judgmental so I overlooked it.

 

[Marc878]

What is FOO?

Also, pretty much everything has been purged. There's a few things left that still remind me of her, for instance we just got done remodeling the kitchen about a month before all this happened (her idea). I may have to remodel it again, I'm not sure. She's been blocked on everything. The parents and family will be hard to do because I really got along with them. Would host Christmas, BBQs, etc. Just big family gatherings. They have all reached out to me in support, and honestly it seems they are all very disappointed and upset with her. I've "muted" them so I don't have to see posts or whatever but I doubt I can block them.

FOO -
Our family of origin is the family we were born or adopted into. It’s the people who raise us and who we spend most of our childhood with. The importance of an individual’s family of origin is enormous. Since parenting shapes a child’s core beliefs about himself or herself, our family’s beliefs about what it means to be human and the purpose of life will have a tremendous influence on what we learn and how we develop. These beliefs will, in turn, inform every decision and choice you make and every relationship you have.

The beliefs, values and rules of a family are passed down from one generation to the next through living life together daily, and this is how an unhealthy or healthy family of origin is perpetuated.

 

[hamadryad]

I didn't read all the replies, but here is my .02

You dodged a bullet, even if you don't realize it yet....No kids, no legacy, etc...The divorce went smooth....I even think it's better overall when it's the woman that wants out...Less drama...You want out and it will be a river of tears, you would have been hammered into the ground by her and her family, called all sorts of horrible names...etc...

I can't emphasize how fortunate that there were no kids...They hamper everything in these situations...Imagine if you found out what she was doing and had 2 toddlers to protect? You may have had to do what a lot of guys do and sacrifice yourself for the kids and be essentially stuck...Big break there...

Don't worry about what she's doing at this point...Who cares if it works or not? Its not your problem...

As for you at this point, you are in a pretty good position on most levels...You have assets and a good job, etc...Starting at about your age and moving forward, the scales tip heavily for men as to desirability and ability to attract the opposite sex...Even as a guy in his 50s that isn't on the market, I get a ton of attention from women...The key is just take reasonable care of yourself and you will be fine on that end...Don't even think about that aspect...Believe me on this..

I guess the only area you need to watch for is if you meet a woman your age and she hasn't had kids yet, she is going to push very hard for marriage and kids...She knows she is reaching a point where it starts to become impractical to start a family, so you will feel heavy pressure there...Don't cave on that...I mean, sure if you think you have found "the one" and it all seems right and you feel you want the same, then do it...But you also could easily find a woman at 45 who is your age now and can start a family then...I don't know if I would recommend that, but as a guy it's not like you couldn't easily do that ...it's done all the time...

Just realize that this revelation could have happened when you were 45 and had young kids, and she could have wasted the best years of your life stringing you along...And then you would have been paying big for all of it, at an age where you will have already started to slow down...

Bottom line is you are in a great spot on a lot of levels...Forget about the vindictiveness and go out and enjoy your new life...When you find the right woman, you will realize the one you were with never was invested in you as you thought...

Good luck!

 

[SpinyNorman]

as time passes and I get older my pool of women to date will get smaller and smaller.

No, the pool of never married women will get smaller. But you were married and you have value, why don't some of them?

I think you are doing a lot of things right, enjoy the stuff that was harder when married and take on dating when it feels right. You can explore the locavore/wider net/move options then.

Is it petty of me to hope the affair does crash and burn?

A little is to be expected, but making revenge a large part of your diet isn't good for you.