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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi! I am just looking to see if anybody has been in the situation that I find myself. My husband and I decided to try a different lifestyle with our sex life. I won't say we are an open marriage or totally swingers but it's kind like that. We met a couple that had an open marriage and became fast friends and started swapping. It's been a lot of fun and has been going on for sometime where we swap 1-2 times a week ususally. I guess you can say that we have been exclusive with this couple and it's given us the openness and excitement that we all were looking for.

So the problem...I just found out I'm pregnant! I want to be excited about this new life growing in me but the consequences are what's keeping me from being so.

My husband has had a vasectomy. So I know that it's not his. I have told everybody that's involved. And we are trying to decide what to do. Abortion is not an option for me...this baby did nothing wrong and I couldn't do that. I'd like for us to work out a situation where everybody can be involved (kinda like a divorced couple does with kids) I'm not sure I could give up the baby if asked to do so. My husband is trying to be supportive but it's a lot to take in and ask of him. And the other wife is being supportive as she can be as well...she's excited at time and depressed at times. I feel like this is all my fault and yes condoms were always used!!

Any advice would be appreciated! If someone else has been in this situation please help. We each have children too.
 

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A marriage is between 2 people, not four and I can see a lot of resentment being built up between the two couples after the child is born. The fun and the games are now over. Child support issues, raising the child issues, visitation issues the problems go on and on. This situation is bad from end to end. My feeling is that this situation could ultimately end your marriage. While I'm not a fan of abortion either, it may be your only good option and you should give it serious consideration. The other thing you need to do is stop having sex with other men.
 

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A marriage is between 2 people, not four and I can see a lot of resentment being built up between the two couples after the child is born. The fun and the games are now over. Child support issues, raising the child issues, visitation issues the problems go on and on. This situation is bad from end to end. My feeling is that this situation could ultimately end your marriage. While I'm not a fan of abortion either, it may be your only good option and you should give it serious consideration. The other thing you need to do is stop having sex with other men.
Another possibility is putting the baby up for adoption. This way the baby will be placed with a couple or single person that truly wants it & doesn't have the issues you posted about.
 

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I have to agree with Middleman that this may end your marriage and definitely will introduce some issues about child support.

You'll have to decide whether you're able to be committed to your child as a single person who doesn't get child support because this could be your worst case scenario.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I'm not aborting my baby or putting it up for adoption. Fortunately for me all things are going well! Baby is progressing. My husband is on board with having the baby and is moving forward with me. The father and his wife are both excited about us all sharing this experience together. God gave me this baby for a reason and tho I don't know what that is I'm going to stay on this path and find out. There are going to be 2 new mom's and 2 new dad's and 4 older brothers. I am going to welcome this new life with open arms. Everybody knows where I stand and I know where they stand and we all have been open and honest with each other from the beginning. WE have become great friends and now we have an even closer bond. I respect all of your own opinions and and advice...thank you!

P.S. My husband and the baby will be tested just to be sure...never know.
 

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If you truly want to secure this babys furure I suggest that you prove paternity, and ask the other man to give up ALL legal rights.
Talk to a lawyer!

So that you and your husband can adopt and raise the child as your own.

If you dont want to do this because you dont want to offend or lose the other couple than you are really not putting the baby first!

As long as you are friends they can be a part of the childs life.

Friendships come and go, eventually your sawapping with a child involved will result in one of you leaving for the other, or you will have a falling out, happens all the time and the baby will suffer.

BTW it takes me just as long to drive to either coast, so what do I know!
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
If you truly want to secure this babys furure I suggest that you prove paternity, and ask the other man to give up ALL legal rights.
Talk to a lawyer!




How does that help??? He could do the same to me could he not?? Ask me to give up all my rights. Get a lawyer to fight me for my child. I know bad things may happen...I think about it all the time. How then would it be any different from a divorced couple trying to make it work with children?? Yes I want my child to grow up happy and healthy and with both parents but that not the case so I want to do the best I can. I am willing to make it work and so is everybody else. I get confused on what's best to do...maybe give up my rights and never know how anything turns out....
 

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Good luck to you.

You may want to consider therapy for your child. Even though you seem to fully embrace the idea of this alternative lifestyle, unless you live in a commune or polygamy community, your child may be confused or teased when he is in school.
 

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Wow....this is an interesting story. I've heard of couples spicing up their sex life in this way....even knew a couple that did this, but never heard of this happening.

I think it would be great if this could all work out with the other couple, but I would be afraid that there will be differences in parenting styles and what you each want for the baby. I think giving up the baby for adoption would be hard, but it may be better for the baby in the long run. If you don't give up your rights and he doesn't give up his rights, then this child may be torn between all of you when you come to a disagreement.

I wish the best for you and really admire your courage in putting this out there and asking for advice. I think you need to weigh all of your options and also discuss all of these options with the other couple or at least the father of the baby.

I'm curious to know what will happen here.

Best wishes!
 

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I'm not aborting my baby or putting it up for adoption. Fortunately for me all things are going well! Baby is progressing. My husband is on board with having the baby and is moving forward with me. The father and his wife are both excited about us all sharing this experience together. God gave me this baby for a reason and tho I don't know what that is I'm going to stay on this path and find out. There are going to be 2 new mom's and 2 new dad's and 4 older brothers. I am going to welcome this new life with open arms. Everybody knows where I stand and I know where they stand and we all have been open and honest with each other from the beginning. WE have become great friends and now we have an even closer bond. I respect all of your own opinions and and advice...thank you!

P.S. My husband and the baby will be tested just to be sure...never know.
You should all move in together, start a compound! My two moms AND my two dads..poor child!
 
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Well...the dude broke the cardinal rule of swinging ~ SAFE SEX!

No matter how well you thought you knew the couple, this is only one of many reasons to follow that rule.

Whatcha gonna do?
 

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Well...the dude broke the cardinal rule of swinging ~ SAFE SEX!

No matter how well you thought you knew the couple, this is only one of many reasons to follow that rule.

Whatcha gonna do?
And I guess she was not on the pill. Right.
 
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