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I am a 30 year old man. My wife is 28. We have been married for 7 months and I know at this moment it was the biggest mistake of my life. When we first got married we decided that we would put our money together. Whatever money came into the house was ours. I make more than my wife. I would give my entire check to make sure the bills were paid while she would use part of hers to make up the difference. It didn't matter to me. We were working together. This is what married people do. We work together. After 3 months of marriage she and I stopped having sex. Night after night I would ask for it and night after she would deny me. That's right. 4 out 7 months and no sex. To this day I have been totally faithful. Before that, I had to constantly ask her for it. In fact we didn't have sex on the honeymoon until a couple hours before we got on the plane to come home. After nearly 2 months of being turned down I asked what the problem was. She said she didn't want to have sex all the time, therefore I should "honor her request" and be understanding. But we weren't having sex at all. I don't think I was being anything short of understanding. Sadly, by this time it wasn't just sex that was lacking. She stopped talking to me about her day at work. She stopped kissing me, hugging me or even smiling at me. My wife had grown completely cold. Every time I tried to talk to her it would become an argument as though I am doing something wrong just because I want to figure out what's wrong with my wife. I have suggested counseling several times. She is unwilling. I have asked her to pray with me. She is unwilling. I know this sounds like the symptoms of a cheating wife but it get stranger than this. When I try to talk to her she either ignores me or yells at me but she will always call her mother, normally while I am in the middle of talking to her. One time in particular I was trying to make amends with her because I didn’t like the idea of us sleeping in separate rooms. I said that we should act as though we are married make an effort to resolve any present issues. I just wanted us to be happy together. Because we live in her hometown she would leave in the middle of the night to sleep at her mother's house. (in the bed with her) I don't know what would make a grown woman choose to go sleep in the bed with her mother rather than resolve an issue with her husband and sleep with him. I tried to talk to her mother once but she cut me off by saying "I don't get involved." When the truth of the matter is she involves herself each and every time she lets my wife sleep over there for days at a time. I would think that a mother would advise her daughter to be woman enough to go home to her husband to work out their issues. .

Over the past 4 months I have known levels of depression that I could never fully describe. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, my 30th Birthday, Valentines Day were all horrific! Because I had moved to my wife's hometown, an area where I was unfamiliar with everything, all I had was my wife. My friends, family and everything I knew were miles away. The only thing I had to live for was my wife. I loved her beyond the capability of words to describe. I had been ready to fight, kill and if necessary die to defend my wife's honor. I had totally given my heart to this woman. By that I mean I placed my happiness and peace of mind in her care. So much so that it became impossible to survive without her. (like one's physical heart) Never in my life had I uttered words that carried half the level of truth and sincerity of my wedding vows. Because pledged my lifelong love and loyalty to her and to God, I had been driven beyond the realm of sanity when my wife betrayed our vows. I considered committing myself to a mental institution. I had even contemplated suicide. I had gone as far as loading my gun and staring down the barrel with my finger on the trigger wondering if I would even hear the blast from the gun or how long I would maintain consciousness. I imagined my funeral and the smell of my flesh combined with the heat from the bullets. At the time we had only one car (in her name) and we were sharing a cell phone, which she kept. So when she would leave I was left with no way to communicate with anyone. I had no means of transportation. There was no food in the house because my wife wouldn't cook and it would spoil. There was no way I could eat. She would stay away for days. When this treatment persisted I decided that we should go half on all expenses. How could I continue to give all that I have to help us both when she treats me like this?

When I told my wife that I wanted to clean up and stop drinking and smoking (tobacco & weed) she was strictly opposed. I shared with her my desire to be more acceptable to God. She still smokes in the house. In fact she continued to smoke until she miscarried our child in the third month of her pregnancy, though she won’t admit it. She blames the miscarriage on me. I was “stressing her out.” Again the pregnancy was not the result of a healthy life in the bedroom. Since then I have dealt with the loss of my grandfather, who passed less than a month ago, on my own. In fact she wouldn't let me use the car to go to his funeral. I just bought a car on February 1st as she said that I would have to find my own way to work starting in February. My cousin died just this past week. I attended her funeral yesterday morning. My wife doesn't even know because she has been gone for more than a week. I have come to the conclusion that she doesn't love me.

Aside from the fact that her mother doesn't like me, I believe there is another issue at hand. No person acts this way for no reason. I don't know if my wife was abused physically, emotionally or sexually as a child but there's something wrong.

As far as her family is concerned:
Her father slept with his wife's sister on one occasion. I don't know if this is the thing that drove them apart. Nor do I know what sparked this event to happen to begin with. Not that I condone his actions, but if her actions are like those of my wife, I can see how it happened. Her parents didn't sleep in the same room. In fact my wife shared a bed with her mother while she was growing up. Her father now lives in a home for senior citizens. The last time my wife saw him was at our wedding. When I suggested we go visit him she was strictly opposed. My wife didn't live what is defined as a "normal" teenage life. She didn't go out to the mall, or talk on the phone with friends. She didn't go to the prom or dances. She just went to church and participated in a few school activities, which her parents never attended.

She has two older brothers. One of which (39) is divorced and living back at home. His ex-wife speaks of his mother, who never liked her, as "too involved" in their marriage. My wife's other brother (31) has never moved out of the house.

As of right now they all live together, as my wife has been away from home for more than a week now.

The bright side is I have developed a stronger relationship with God as a result of this. He has given me new reason to live. Also, we were renting our home and we don't have children together so there is nothing to dispute. I have several months left on our lease and I just want to make it through the next few months without any real disasters, begin the divorce process and move forward.

I apologize for being so long winded but I tried my very best to condense my thoughts.

Somebody please offer me some advice as to how I can make it though the next few months.
 

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This is a hard one in some ways since you two just got married. Could it just be possible that you changed your lifestyle and the way you look at things and she just is not comfortable with it? I will say that you cannot go on this way. If she refuses to meet you half way in trying to work on things then I hate to say this but you might have to consider separating. Especially if you are considering suicide over this.
 

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You poor man, it sounds horrific. You need to get some expert advice. You can still see a counsellor even if your wife won't come with you. They will help you to focus on and face all the issues, allowing you to see things clearly and help you decide what to do. You should also see where you stand legally, regarding your home and finances. I'm sorry to say this, but there does seem to be something seriously wrong here, and her mother's interference is strange to say the least. Did she not approve of your marriage originally?
 

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I really hope things get better for you. This is a strange issue, and part of me wants to be mad at your wife(a large part) but not knowing her issues growing up and all, it sounds like she had an odd childhood, and maybe doesn't know how to be a wife? I honesty still think Divorce is the best option here, and counseling for yourself is essential. You sound like a wonderful man, and anyone would be lucky to have you...stay strong, SAVE SAVE SAVE and when your lease is up...get out! Move back closer to your family and friends and move on and be happy with your life. NO person is worth killing yourself over, please remember that!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
You poor man, it sounds horrific. You need to get some expert advice. You can still see a counsellor even if your wife won't come with you. They will help you to focus on and face all the issues, allowing you to see things clearly and help you decide what to do. You should also see where you stand legally, regarding your home and finances. I'm sorry to say this, but there does seem to be something seriously wrong here, and her mother's interference is strange to say the least. Did she not approve of your marriage originally?
No. Her mother did not approve of the marriage. My parents were very happy and excited. Oddly enough, I didn't meet her mother untill we had been dating for nearly two years. She was extremely rude towards me from day one. She told her daughter that I was a "pretty boy" and I looked like a "player." We dated for nearly 10 years and her mother was rude to me the entire time. So by the time I proposed I didn't care to seek her approval or anyone else's. I proposed to my wife on my parents' 20th wedding anniversary. She went home two days later to share the news with her family. My wife called me crying about how her mother responded. Her mother asked me to call her. So I did. She told me that she didn't think that we were ready. And it was a terrible idea. She asked, "Well do you have any money? How are YOU going to take care of MY daughter?" And I let her know that I never appreciated her demeanor towards me and that I really don't care whether or not she is a part of the wedding. I told her that it would matter to her daughter. So she is obligated by her duty as a mother to provide moral support for the sake of her relationship with her daughter.

I believe that my wife's mother has been at the root of our problems. She didn't even try to contact me when my wife, who was staying with her, miscarried. Her mother is lonely and her selfishness is what fuels her to add to our problems as a means to keep her daughter closer to her. I feel sorry for my wife because she will wake up one day and realize that her mother did nothing but hold her back from living her own life. And she will resent her for it.
 

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Once she wakes up and realizes that her mother kept her from seeing your true potential then she'll be sorry. Especially if your gone! 10 years isn't long enough to be "ready" to be married? Sounds like shes a little cooky...best of luck to you man. Hope all gets figured out even if it means you move on to better things...which are out there BTW
 
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