A Mothers Nightmare! Update page 5
Hello. I am new here and I am hurting right now. I could use some advice. I have a daughter who will be turning 20 in just a few days who has put us through pure hell for the past few years.
A quick back story. We are a very loving family but a few years ago when my daughter was in the 8th grade, she met a guy who was in the 10th grade, They fell in love over the phone. The first time I met him I just knew he was trouble. My mommas instinct and boy was I right.
I let her know real fast that I didn't approve. I found out a few months later that he had dropped out of school. I made them break up because of that, his drug problem and he had abused my daughter. (13)
He threatened to kill me so that they could be together. I filed a restraining order for my daughter and me. Later I find out she had seen him again.
This became a pattern for her, and for the next 6 years this has been our life story. She would date him, get abused he would cheat and so on, all while we thought he was out of the picture. We would find out be devastated and she would agree he was trouble, we would send her to counseling and so on. This is a short version and if I told you everything that has happened the hair on your neck would be standing up.
Just this week we found out that she has been staying with him. Now she is a legal adult, so she can do this but our hearts are just broken. Not only is she in danger, she is also throwing away her college education. She has turned her back on the entire family, on both sides, to be with this loser. No kidding, he is every mothers worst nightmare!
She has chosen to stay with this guy and his parents so that they can smoke pot, with his parents no less, and God only knows what else.
When I found out I had her bring her car and cell phone home. We pay for them and I refuse to let her keep them while this is going on. I have been paying her car ins and cell phone, giving her money and so on for months while she has been seeing him. I feel like a FOOL!
I am so used to this that its not even funny, but this is where I have had to draw the line this time. I CAN"T DO THIS ANYMORE! I am so DONE! Beyond done!
I was so angry with her that day, because I had that gut feeling that it was happening again and she lied again. No surprise.
She lies to me about EVERYTHING! Anyway, I told her that I never want to see her again. Tough words. Words that I really dont mean, but I was hurt and I am tired of it. I will never accept him into this family, I WILL NEVER! He followed me to the police station with a loaded gun in his truck for God's sake. I cant do this!
The problem is that I am worried about her. I know there is nothing that I can do but pray at this point. My feeling is that maybe this is Gods way of finally letting her see just what that life would be like, to show her that this is NOT right, but I honestly dont know why this is happening.
She says that she loves him and always has. I reminded her of the beatings and him putting a cigarette out on her leg and she said she made all of that up back then. No she didn't! I saw bruises on her recently too which made my red flags go up again and she made excuses for them. She has such low self esteem, caused by years of his abuse, that I am really afraid for her.
I keep thinking that this is just not happening, but it is and we are all just devastated over it. In my heart I dont think it will last long because something in me is saying that now that we have given up and pretty much kicked her out so that she could be with him, the game is not going to be as fun for him and he will eventually kick her out or something.
Has anyone ever been through anything like this? Any advice? I am heartbroken here, I am worried sick but I refuse to support her behavior anymore. My husband feels the same way. He said sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they can get better. We have spend thousands of dollars on counseling for her. I dont know what else to do.