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2 Posts
I read a lot of posts here, and am impressed with the advice and the sharing of feelings, ideas, and support. Sorry, this will be long. This is Part 1, the beginning
I am a musician who 5 years ago joined a band and played 5 shows together. Durning that time, I notifced the piano player had a woman always attending the shows. I thought it was his wife. On the fifth show, I asked who she was. He said a friend.
I said she was cute and he said, "Ask her out, you might get lucky". After the show I asked her out and we hit it off really well. Turned out she is a musician too performing with an orchestra that the piano play was in as well.
We courted for 6 months, but I never came over her home as she said it was a constant mess and she always insisted to come over to my apartment. After 6 months, we decided to get married in two months. Two weeks before the ceremony, her father told me that the piano player's broken car was in the garage and he insisted that the guy move it. I thought that was strange, but hey, they were friends. A week before the ceremony, I finally saw her house and moved in. I could tell it was a mess, but not as bad as she let on.
For the ceremony, she insisted that the piano player play music and be there. I agreed. During the toasting period, I made a speech to everyone that my wife and I were introduced by him. He looked very sheepish and quickly said he had to leave for another performance scheduled that day. Red flag starting to raise now.
On our honeymoon of one week, my wife's phone would ring once or twice a day. On the third day, I asked who keeps calling as we agreed to let everyone know not to call us. She said it was the piano player who keeps calling. I asked why is he calling? She said she did not know. Red flag unfurling now.
On the seventh day of being married and home now, he calls again and I tell the wife let me talk to him and she says no and tells him she can't talk now. At this point, I ask her, "Are you F'in this guy?" Silence, and then she said, "Well, we did a couple of times." I reminded her that I told her if she had anything going on, to stop and clear up her past or current relationships as I did the same by changing my number and emails and closing Facebook and Twitter. All she could do was apologize and promise there was no one else and she will not contact this guy anymore. He quit the orchestra.
In the third bedroom of the house, there is a desk that contained numerous emails she printed from a man who is married and he would visit her job at lunch and in those emails described their affairs. He stated that he loved her very much. According to the dates of the emails, their affair was at least 6 years. I also found a picture of my wife with yet another man posing together in snow. So, I confront her about the married man and she said that was long ago. When I produced a printed email dated one month before our marriage she admitted she was trying to let the guy down easy. I then asked her if she has ever been in snow. She said never. I showed her the picture of her and this third guy and she was silent, aplogizing for lying.
Next was counseling. She refused with the pastor of our church for fear of embarrasment. He mother was in denial about it all saying her daughter would never do this. Her dad was angry about it all and aplogized to me. Finally, we went to a marriage counselor who told me that my wife truly believes nothing is wrong and I am wasting money thinking she will change.
So after all this, and 4 years of marriage and closer observation of her, I have determined a few things explained in part 2
I am a musician who 5 years ago joined a band and played 5 shows together. Durning that time, I notifced the piano player had a woman always attending the shows. I thought it was his wife. On the fifth show, I asked who she was. He said a friend.
I said she was cute and he said, "Ask her out, you might get lucky". After the show I asked her out and we hit it off really well. Turned out she is a musician too performing with an orchestra that the piano play was in as well.
We courted for 6 months, but I never came over her home as she said it was a constant mess and she always insisted to come over to my apartment. After 6 months, we decided to get married in two months. Two weeks before the ceremony, her father told me that the piano player's broken car was in the garage and he insisted that the guy move it. I thought that was strange, but hey, they were friends. A week before the ceremony, I finally saw her house and moved in. I could tell it was a mess, but not as bad as she let on.
For the ceremony, she insisted that the piano player play music and be there. I agreed. During the toasting period, I made a speech to everyone that my wife and I were introduced by him. He looked very sheepish and quickly said he had to leave for another performance scheduled that day. Red flag starting to raise now.
On our honeymoon of one week, my wife's phone would ring once or twice a day. On the third day, I asked who keeps calling as we agreed to let everyone know not to call us. She said it was the piano player who keeps calling. I asked why is he calling? She said she did not know. Red flag unfurling now.
On the seventh day of being married and home now, he calls again and I tell the wife let me talk to him and she says no and tells him she can't talk now. At this point, I ask her, "Are you F'in this guy?" Silence, and then she said, "Well, we did a couple of times." I reminded her that I told her if she had anything going on, to stop and clear up her past or current relationships as I did the same by changing my number and emails and closing Facebook and Twitter. All she could do was apologize and promise there was no one else and she will not contact this guy anymore. He quit the orchestra.
In the third bedroom of the house, there is a desk that contained numerous emails she printed from a man who is married and he would visit her job at lunch and in those emails described their affairs. He stated that he loved her very much. According to the dates of the emails, their affair was at least 6 years. I also found a picture of my wife with yet another man posing together in snow. So, I confront her about the married man and she said that was long ago. When I produced a printed email dated one month before our marriage she admitted she was trying to let the guy down easy. I then asked her if she has ever been in snow. She said never. I showed her the picture of her and this third guy and she was silent, aplogizing for lying.
Next was counseling. She refused with the pastor of our church for fear of embarrasment. He mother was in denial about it all saying her daughter would never do this. Her dad was angry about it all and aplogized to me. Finally, we went to a marriage counselor who told me that my wife truly believes nothing is wrong and I am wasting money thinking she will change.
So after all this, and 4 years of marriage and closer observation of her, I have determined a few things explained in part 2