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Katheryn thanks for sharing your story, it takes a lot of courage to do that and I also think that by being able to admit your weaknesses and “baggage”, that you are in a much stronger place to overcome it.

You clearly are dealing with a lot of under the surface issues. Being sexually assaulted is a traumatizing thing to happen to anyone. You can’t expect to walk away from that and not have it affect you long term. I really think your best bet is to get professional therapy to begin working through some of that trauma. You will not be able to start “acting” right, you need to do the painful and difficult work of sorting through the emotions relating to that event piece by piece. It will take time, and it will be very hard at times, but a professional can walk you through the process and I think as you go through it you will find major relief in the entire experience.

I guarantee if you stick with it you will find yourself having breakthroughs in your personal relationships (whether they are romantic in nature or not).
 

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Thank you again for your posts and your kindness. Opening up on here has been a really hard thing to do but just this alone has already been highly beneficial.
In all honesty, the thought of seeling any sort of councellor or therapist is incredible scarey and makes me feel very wary and something I have never wanted to do. If I can find a way through this without, then I would take that option, but I think that today, I have faced the possibiity that it may well have to be a very real option.
It's a normal feeling, it's a very logical physical response. Counselling will represent you facing your fears and the events that have impacted you. Your body will naturally want to prevent that, it tries very hard to protect you from any pain. Which is why certain actions that seem destructive have come naturally to you, it's a defense mechanicsm, a survival instinct.

However, it's something that needs to be done if you want to really move beyond your situation and into a new life. You have to deal with some short term discomfort and fear, and once that initial shock is over, you're going to see real change in your life.
 
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