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I met a man about a month ago. we spent some time together and we got on really well and there was a definite spark. we ended up in bed. I tried to turn it into mad passionate sex, rather than following the slow and gentle approach that he was taking because I felt scared and and true to form I faked an orgasm. Afterwards I felt cheap and used. I had absolutely no reason to. He was a really nice man and we got on well and I was the one who turned it into something cheap. I pushed him away and something that could have potentially developed has now been resigned to the dustbin.

All the above essentially consolidates into the fact that I cant turn having sex into making love. I cant switch my head off during sex. I cant believe that any person would want to be doing certain acts through choice (and I really know that one is crazy). I just cant make the whole thing'beautiful' and I so desperately want to.



Until you stop this you will keep having the same problem. You're trying too hard. So stop. You can't just "make" yourself fall in love or be in love or have some great love affair after knowing some guy in 30 days. You felt cheap because it's a projection of your own feelings about yourself. (Also, you probably didn't feel good knowing you'd only known this guy a month before hopping into bed with him). Wait. What's the rush?

"Making love" doesn't happen w/ every partner. You've only known this guy a month. So you barely know him. I firmly believe there is sex and then there is making love. Making love isn't some every day thing until you are with a partner you are truly in love with and love. It seems you are forcing something, trying to force something just to convince yourself you can "feel" it. It doesn't work that way. Take time getting to know people. You thinking "I can't believe someone would want to do something through choice" probably plays a huge part in why you feel you have to force things. Knock it off. Get into therapy. Believe in yourself. Take time getting to know someone before knocking boots. A month is no time at all.



 
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