You have endured a great deal in your life. You need to talk to a professional.Thank you for your replies. I think deep down I do know that I should maybe seek some kind of therapy however this would be a last resort for me, but maybe I am now at a point where I need a last resort!
It isn't a last resort. It is your first resort.
You don't need to feel ashamed about asking for help. I wish you the best, you sound like a good person who has a good understanding of your issues. It think getting therapy will help you a great deal.