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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
A very long story. I met my wife when I was 19. She was my first sexual encounter. Moved in after about 3 weeks, we were having sex after 1 week. We didnt date as such, it was very sexual. My wife had been sexually assaulted numerous times before I met her. When she was 14 she was raped by a teenager aquaintance.

She then was also raped by a boyfriend quite a few times during a abusive relationship, through their time together of about 3 years. Another time she was raped by an older man, when she stayed at his and his wifes house. The wife left for work in the morning and he raped her. She claims she was too afraid to stop him.

Another time she says she went home with a couple of guys after her 18th birthday, and you guessed it the guy raped her. Another time she was physically touched and this is the only time she laid charges, and the man was sent to jail. So a lot happenned to her before we got together. She never got much support from her family etc. or counselling to help with this.

We got together and it was all fun and such. She told me about her past problems, and i was fine with it. She was always extremely touchy, and edgy. One little disagreement and she would go off, many times punching and hitting me etc. Getting on with this we got together in 1995.

Around 1998, i went away for a weekend to my parents, and she didnt come because we had one of those little disagreements before. So she stayed home, we had a male flatmate. I went away and came home. She was so happy to see me. But very insistent in going to new years where this flatmate was. We got there, and that night, she said she wanted to break up. So we kinda did, but not really, and we had new years together with the flatmate at a few nightclubs. We came home, for a few days before the flatmate came back. Over the next few weeks we got back together. About a few weeks later the flatmate moved out.

Fast forward to 2000, and my wife became pregnant with our first child. She suffered a lot of depression, i was working long hours, and no support from her family. We had our second child in 2003, depression really bad after this as well.In 2004 we had our first (really second problem). My wife went with friends and their 15 year old nephew away for the day, as I couldnt get babysistting for our child. She came home and over the next few days behaved weird and got many text messages on our mobile, but wouldnt show me.

At the third day I came home. And she told me to sit down. She had been caught out by the 15 years old sisters who read his phone and told their mum. The mum told our friend that if my wife didnt stop what she was doing she would tell me. They had basically been sexting each other to the point where she was organising for him to leave school at lunchtime and meet at our house, whilst i was at work and the child was in babysitting. I was shocked and heartbroken. Didnt know at the time but I was too weak,and she really didnt get any consequences for it. A bit later we were having a fight, and she blurted out, no wonder i didnt tell you about me and the flatmate sleeping in his bed that night you went to your parents. She claims she was upset, and needed someone in the bed. She claims nothing happenned. Her version of events is he tried to get her drunk, so guess what she slept in his bed, but they didnt touch each other. She didnt even like him apparently. I rang this guy, and he said nothing happenned that night, but they did have sex later. When I said to him, he better not be lying, he said he has nothing to gain from telling me lies. She has continually denied this. Okay another thing to give me nightmares over. How the hell can you do that, again i really didnt give her consequences. I do know they never communicated again after he moved out.

We never really got going properly again. I always mulled over everything, occasionally just bluring out stuff about this to hurt her at times. She was still very depressed, on and off medication etc. Still physically abusive etc to me.

2009 she begins a emotional affair on facebook with another guy(45 year old) from overseas. Goes on for about 3 months before i had enough of her spending all her time on facebook, and i installed a spy program, and got copies of all her conversations. I hit her with it and she went off her head even to the point of saying she would hurt the kids. I rang the police and they took her to hospital for an assessment. They said she was fine and wouldnt hurt the kids. I sent her packing to her parents and she stayed there for about 3 days before she came home, and we sorta swept it under the carpet. She has over all this time quite a few times threatening suicide, been admitted to hospital a few times. We did have marriage counselling for about 6 months after this. Dont know if it helped, but I felt better for it.



Late last year she needs to go to here aunties place to help her female 14 year old cousin who has been sexually assaulted. Her cousin was going to court. I began to feel funny when she acted weird on her text messages etc. She rings me on the day before she was coming home, and says she was bringing her 17 year old male cousin home for a few weeks. i say no, i just lost my father, i dont want anyone here. She in the end says ok, i wont bring him. Next morning she rings, and says he's coming i dont care what you say.

Well they get here and over the next few days , not much, just feeling uncomfortable as they seem to be way too touch feely for cousins. On the wednesday night, she tells me she wants him to move in, as it would be much better for him here as he doesnt like it at his mothers. We fight, and i say no way. Next night i go into the computer room , and find him on the seat perched behind my wife. I go off, but she just says i am being silly. He stays for another week, i dont know why or how i let him stay, but nothing major, but small stuff that cousins dont do . REMEMBER i was at work during the day but who knows.

Also whilst he was here i kept saying to her , that what looked to be going on wasnt right, and she kept saying you are being silly. You need help maybe you need to see a shrink, you are going crazy. Long story short, she does tell me whilst she was at her aunties, the cousin (who has autism, and is a drug user etc, dropkick) told her he wanted to sleep with her. She said she was feeling attracted to him (apparently they have an emotional connection) but told him she couldnt because she was married and she was her cousin. During this time they were still talking on phone and texting. Also i told her mother about this and his mother, but they dismissed it. My wife even made me apoligize to him and his mother for suggesting this stuff was going onBeen a year now, we have done some counselling etc, but nothing really going there. She hasnt had any contact with him since. Says she doesnt even think about him. She says how silly she was, and doesnt know why i stay with her.

We are just going through the motions. I always ponder over whether she has had sex with the cousin, or the flatmate. She has always denied this, even at points where she is so broken down emotionally she is going to kill herself.

I dont really know what to do. I do love her, but always in the back of my mind is all this crap.
 

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I think you should forgive her, because she had a hard life.........................................................................................................................................Very much NOT!..............................................How about this, You start to like yourself for who you are, remember back when you did not have this TICK on you......start working out, running, bag training,P90X, anything, just something to remind yourself who you used to be! Read thru the post of TAM and read about INFILDELITY, also go to DocCool and read about how CHEATERS Think. You are her Doormat, her second choice, you are safe and not exciting..............but that is ok! because you are going to start a New and Very Exciting LIFE! You are going to start living a new life for you, not for her,but for you!
 

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I suggest you keep a close eye on your children. If this story is true (which I doubt), your wife is sexually inappropriate with minor children and relatives. What makes you think she will not sexually abuse your children. She is lacking any moral fortitude and has no boundaries for herself or others. She needs daily intensive therapy. IMO

You can not fix her. I'd worry about your children. You chose to have this woman be the mother of your children.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I want to honestly get the f out of their. I want to take the kids. I dont know how i would go with them, with regards to work etc.

This is not a happy place in all reality. She will be seeing the doctor in a few days to see a new pschologist. She also has other medical problems at the moment, which mean she cant eat real well. This has meant she is in constant pain, and cant do much.

I do nearly everything. I do really want out, as i dont think i can every forgive her. Sometimes i think if i get her a polygraph,and it says she had no sex, i could forgive her.

But just because she didnt have sex, if that was the case, she allowed herself to get into all these situations and had no boundaries.
 

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I suggest you keep a close eye on your children. If this story is true (which I doubt), your wife is sexually inappropriate with minor children and relatives. What makes you think she will not sexually abuse your children. She is lacking any moral fortitude and has no boundaries for herself or others. She needs daily intensive therapy. IMO

You can not fix her. I'd worry about your children. You chose to have this woman be the mother of your children.
And dna the kids.
 

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Multiple emotional and physical affairs. She slept with the flatmate - as he said. Probably the 17 year old as well.

Plan your exit strategy.

Serial cheaters such as your wife crave affection from forbidden men. That is part of the excitement they feel. Serial cheaters also do not just wake up one day and decide they are not going to do it any longer.

Your wife has multiple mental problems that cannot be fixed over night.

Do want to stay with this woman knowing she is not going to change and you are going to be looking over your shoulder for the next "other man" for the rest of you married life?
 

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Discussion Starter #9
This cousin thing, yes her Auntie is strange. As far as i am concerned they are all a bunch of ferals. She is only her auntie by marriage. Her blood uncle divorced her quite a long time ago.

This story is indeed real. I guess early on, it was all good. I thought someone who had a bad past would be so unwilling to go there again. My silly mistake.

I didnt find anything out till after the second child. The kids all look like me, so i am pretty sure there.
 

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She says how silly she was, and doesnt know why i stay with her.
It put it cristal clear her emotional age, how far from reality she is. She's not a functional adult.
Your wife is severely damaged. It might be imposible to fix. At most she can manage it.
She needs intensive, specialized counseling with someone well aware of her past and recent behaviors. Her acting our sexually with minors is very worrysome. She has no idea of healthy boundaries. I think it might be a waste to deal with this in a traditional fashion of self reflexion and healing from the past. Training her boundaries is a must. She can't put herself a risk of acting out, damage some inocent and land in jail.

Notice I'm not suggesting you to stay or leave. I'm thinking in your children if nobody is there to make her acountable.
 

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Your wife pursues teenagers because she can control the relationship with them. The teenagers' being distant relatives also add a level of control for your wife. This traces back to the lack of control your wife has had over many sexual liaisons in the past.

This is a problem for a professional psychiatrist.

Your wife is the mother of your children. Please see if you can guide her to seek professional help. Your wife's problem is not that she is a cheater, it is a manifestation of much deeper problems from the abuse she suffered in the past.
 

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I suggest you privately need to st down with the psychiatrist and tell the same story you told above. He needs to know that stuff to treat her.

She is bring emotionally and physically inappropriate with men and boys. Even relatives. It's getting worse. How will you feel and how will your children feel if their mum gets arrested for statuatory rape?
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Yes the Psychologist thing will be happenning again soon. The last one, who she didnt want to see anymore, came up with multiple personalities (to protect herself), sexual dysfunction, and possibly psychotic.

She has been complaining that i am nothing but like a house mate to her. I guess i am doing the 180 on her, without trying, i am emotionally disconnected.

Of course i dont want her to go any further with all this. That is why i am getting her help again. I dont just want to dump her, and deal with the aftermath (affecting the kids).
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Well been a while. Still with the wife. She has been put on some mood stabilizers which seem to be working. She hasnt been to see the psychologist in quite a while, seems to think that hehashing old trauma has done and will do nothing for her.

Woke up today and kinda realized I cant keep doing this. I dont believe her stories and probable lies. I need to get out. How can I do this, I need support.
 

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You never got the truth that is why you cant move on. If you want to just call it quits let her know you can't move in she is doing nothing to make the situation better then file the papers.

If she comes back and wants to work on it you will need a polygraph to move on.
 
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Well been a while. Still with the wife. She has been put on some mood stabilizers which seem to be working. She hasnt been to see the psychologist in quite a while, seems to think that hehashing old trauma has done and will do nothing for her.

Woke up today and kinda realized I cant keep doing this. I dont believe her stories and probable lies. I need to get out. How can I do this, I need support.
It might be a good idea to talk to her psychologist about the best way to go about this before you do anything. Your wife was diagnosed with some pretty serious mental health concerns. Also talk to a lawyer so you know what types of financial and custody issues likely are to come up.

You are going to need to get some help. You'll have to set up some support for her. Is there anyone normal that she is comfortable with that can help her out. How far away are they?

Talk to the lawyer and psychologist first, but I would guess the first step would be to let your wife know you want out. The next would be to make sure she doesn't hurt herself. At least initially, that will fall on you. Very shortly after you tell your wife you plan to divorce, you should contact her family and let them know so they can provide support. You'll have to talk to the kids about it also.
 

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Discussion Starter #18 (Edited)
So the latest update. Wife and I have been arguing over stuff, specifically me saying i need to know everything. The only night i found out that she had looked at a page of the cousins that she didnt have blocked. She did it through her female cousins page. . I was wild about something, and her excuse for doing it was she thought i had something on computer to watch her, so she did it to see if i did. I never disclosed after this that i did, so she is none the wises if, or not i do.

I will ask her this morning to block those pages and the cousins page. The other day she said she needs to go away and get sorted at a proper mental health place. I dont know where to go from here.
 

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Woke up today and kinda realized I cant keep doing this. I dont believe her stories and probable lies. I need to get out. How can I do this, I need support.
Just do it already. Why o why would you keep yourself and your children in this screwed up environment that your wife has created for you? I think it is pretty well established that she is a damaged person ... you can't fix her and never will.

Sir, it is well past time to man-up.
 

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So the latest update. Wife and I have been arguing over stuff, specifically me saying i need to know everything. The only night i found out that she had looked at a page of the cousins that she didnt have blocked. She did it through her female cousins page. I knew she did it through Spector as for some reason i looked through the screenshots. I dont normally do that, i just look at what is typed. I was wild about something, and her excuse for doing it was she thought i had something on computer to watch her, so she did it to see if i did. I never disclosed after this that i did, so she is none the wises if, or not i do.

I will ask her this morning to block those pages and the cousins page. The other day she said she needs to go away and get sorted at a proper mental health place. I dont know where to go from here.

Right. And the thief broke into your house to check if the alarm system was working.
 
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