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My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We're talking about marriage. At first I was excited and loving the idea. But now I'm just thinking of everything that's going wrong. These are things that can't be changed no matter how many times we talk about it. I always feel like everything I say is wrong and he always always has to say that the way I think or the way I feel is wrong and tells me what he thinks instead which ends up being the opposite of what I said. I feel like he won't let me be my own person and allow me to have my flaws. I was having a bad day not too long ago and while we were on the phone, I yelled "stupid f****** door, OPEN!" because my hands were full of stuff I was about to drop and my key was stuck in the front door. He told me that I am a really negative person and I'm irrational. He then told me how he would have acted. It's like I have to always be careful with what I say when he's listening. I feel like he's allowed to do things but I'm not. He'll get mad at the things I do but I can't with him or I'm being irrational. In reality I don't yell, I don't scream, I don't act irrational. He just hates when his name is mentioned. I've tried and tried and tried talking with him about these things but nothing is being done about it. After a while, I've noticed that I'm not attracted to him anymore. He always asks me "why don't we make out anymore?, why does it seem like you aren't attracted to me anymore?, why don't you want to touch me anymore?" But he doesn't realize that he won't let me be me. His way is the best way and he's so hardheaded about it. There's just so much more I don't know what else to say about it. When I try to bring up something he does that bothers me he says I'm attacking him and he doesn't want to hear it. I can't talk to him. I can't deal with this. But I love him. What do I do? I've tried talking with him so many times. I just hate that I'm not attracted to him anymore because of all this. I haven't felt the need or want to touch him intimately in so long. I haven't given him more than a peck kiss in so long. I don't want to anymore. I just feel like I'm not attracted to him. What should I do to help this feeling? It's not getting better. Please help. Please. (I'm 21, he's 22)
 

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Hi, it sounds like the problem lies with him and not with you, especially if you have tried talking to him and he has not been receptive.

I hate to say this but marriage won't fix your problems with his personality, they will only make it worse. Do think about whether you can live with his faults before taking the plunge. It is no one's fault if you cannot... and if he is too arrogant to even acknowledge his faults then it probably a bad idea for you to even consider living with them...

Good luck... :(
 

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If you are this unhappy and don’t even feel a desire to be intimate with him a any level then certainly do not get married at this time. If it is something you both think you want in your future then seek premarital counseling. Much of this sounds like basic communications problems which can improve with professional help. If he is as hard headed as you say and it is absolutely his way or the highway then take the highway and find someone who will respect you, your opinions and needs. Best of luck.
 
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