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Ok, first of all, I am not complaining. We have sex 2-3 times a week mainly because of my schedule. We have a great marriage; we are best friends. I can't remember the last time we argued. But my wife rarely initiates. I have read many articles about this talking about "responsive desire" that is, she does not think about sex, but when I initiate she usually responds and has a great orgasm. But somehow, I would love for her to think about it. I would love for her to get on these boards...she is not interested all that much. Any ideas how to wake up her "inner slvt?" (I just hate how we have to get around the censored words.)
 

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Talk to her about it.
Tell her how much it would mean to you if she initiated sometimes... Talk about ways that you would hope she would initiate, or at least show that she would be interested in a loving night, before it comes to responding to you.

Who knows... Maybe you will find out something about why she doesn't really initiate when you talk to her.

Ie:
Maybe she tried to initiate in her own way a few times & you didn't get the clue.. she felt left out, or like it wasn't worth the effort.

Maybe she blatantly tried to initiate & you were too tired, or had a bad day at work and refused her... And she felt extremely hurt & told herself "NEVER" again.

Maybe she was more aggressive with an ex & was branded as loose.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Talk to her about it.
Tell her how much it would mean to you if she initiated sometimes... Talk about ways that you would hope she would initiate, or at least show that she would be interested in a loving night, before it comes to responding to you.

Who knows... Maybe you will find out something about why she doesn't really initiate when you talk to her.

Ie:
Maybe she tried to initiate in her own way a few times & you didn't get the clue.. she felt left out, or like it wasn't worth the effort.

Maybe she blatantly tried to initiate & you were too tired, or had a bad day at work and refused her... And she felt extremely hurt & told herself "NEVER" again.

Maybe she was more aggressive with an ex & was branded as loose.
First of all, thank you so much for your response!! We have talked, but I am open to doing that again. I am not the type of person that says, "I have already talked about that, and it made no difference."

I have NEVER refused her advances. I does not take much for me to get the clue!

She never had an ex. We got married at 16 & 17 because she was pregnant (40 years married). Early on there was certainly some "guilt" about that, but that has long been dealt with.

Thanks again!!!
 

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Maybe she is having hormonal problems (libido) something that does not allow her to progress sexually in her mind on her own. It happens, and could explain her having to have you initiate for it to kick in!

If not I would talk to her again and just go jump on the bed and tell her to do as she pleases. I was always shy when it came to this and did not initiate H just laid back and said go for it. I finally did and now I contribute way more in the initiating part because I am comfortable with it!
 

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hhmmmm... Married at 16... & never had a boyfriend before you...

So, she never had the normal learning of different relationships, learning different ways that different men.. flirt, get turned on, show emotions... etc.

Maybe time to get some romance (tip-type) books for her?
 

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I agree with Chelle. A bit of a change up, some new tricks if you will, could spice things up. And part of that spice could be her initiating.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
hhmmmm... Married at 16... & never had a boyfriend before you...

So, she never had the normal learning of different relationships, learning different ways that different men.. flirt, get turned on, show emotions... etc.

Maybe time to get some romance (tip-type) books for her?
I have gotten her "The Good Girl Guide to Bad Girl Sex". She has not read it yet. She has not been into "romance" books. She has no desire to read "50 Shades..."

I am madly in love with her, she has great orgasms, she rarely refuses, I just would like her to initiate more often.
 

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Maybe it feels awkward to her, or she just doesn't know what to do.... just a thought.

Sooooo.... think about what "initiating" means to you, and what it might entail, and TELL her what you want. Hopefully, she will try it and eventually expand on it.

It could be "her initiating" by her hanging a scarf/tie/sock on the bedroom doorknob if she is interested. This might be a first step....

Or, have an "all about YOU" night. If you're smart, you have her nite first! Then it's on her to have a night that really is just all about YOU, and she'll HAVE to initiate.

Whatever she does, praise it!
 
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