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Recently I was unfaithful to my wife of 10 years. I went to a conference in Las Vegas. After drinking way too much a few of us went to a strip club. I have gone to strip clubs plenty of times, a few times even with my wife, but where I am from you only get a lap dance. A dancer asked if I wanted a private dance and we went into a room behind a curtain. She touched herself and let me touch her. She started to touch me and then asked for $100 for oral sex. I gave her money and she gave me head. One of the guys I was with went with her for a private dance shortly afterwards.
When I returned home I got a call from the guy that also had a dance with her and said he was scared because he had a rash on his genitals. I also did but assumed it was from the hot tub we sat in everyday drinking. I started to freak out thinking I have an std. My friend said he would get tested and see what happens. I decided I needed to tell my wife that day. I couldn't take the chance she would touch me and get something. I went to the doctor the next day and explained what happened. She said it looks like a chemical rash and took a blood test for any std.
Until now we have had a very happy marriage. I broke her trust, her safety and her heart. I truly have great remorse. She has been my best friend for a decade and I was selfish and never thought she would know or be effected by my terrible decision. She is devastated, she cries everyday and cant be around my family.
I have been trying so hard to be there anytime she needs me. I've told her I'm sorry so many times I'm afraid it will start to sound insincere. I'm so ashamed of myself and scared about the test results that I will get I am having panic attacks. I know I deserve that but I'm trying to focus on her feelings and not my fears.
Ladies what should I do to prove I love her, regain her trust, repair our marriage and ease the hurt I have caused?
 

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She doesn't say. She doesn't express feelings well. I screwed up and need to figure out how to change this. That's why I am here asking for help.
 

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One thing to think about is how would you react if you found out that she had gone out and had a one night stand with some one she picked up in club or on the street?

Give an honest answer to this.
 

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Ok so she knows that the only reason that you originally did it because you thought you would get away with it. You only told her because you think you might have gotten an STD. She knows this.

Has she asked you how many more times you have cheated in the past? I'm sure she thinks that this is not the first or only time you have cheated.
 

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Ele my honest answer would only be from a guys perspective. If she had sex with another man I would be extremely hurt. If she told me she went to dinner and had feelings for another man I would be devastated.
 

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She has asked if I have cheated before. I'm going to be honest with the ladies that respond to me. I need your imput. I have had happy ending massages 4 times in the 10 years we have been together but not oral or vaginal sex. I don't feel telling her that will change anything right now. I know how much I hurt her and am sure this wont happen again.
 

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Well, I can only answer for myself, but a minimum would be total transparency, for the rest of your life. You would have to show great humility, meaning a willingness to admit when you are wrong, laying aside any pride, and to earn back trust.

Once trust is broken, it is so hard to respect that person again. Some of us find that love follows when we respect a man. It may never be exactly the same.

Keep showing your sincere remorse, OP. Maybe focus on actions more than words.

Honestly, I have not lived this, so what I am saying is only a guess at what might be helpful.

Just saw your last post. Like EleGirl said, would you forgive your wife if she had done what you have, how many times?
 

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Ele my honest answer would only be from a guys perspective. If she had sex with another man I would be extremely hurt. If she told me she went to dinner and had feelings for another man I would be devastated.
From your response I don't think you understand the depth of devastation that you have visited upon your wife.

Why did you cheat on your wife? You need to have a real answer to this. She's going to ask it if she has not already.

You say that your wife does not want to go around your family now. Why? Have you told your family what you did?
 

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She has asked if I have cheated before. I'm going to be honest with the ladies that respond to me. I need your imput. I have had happy ending massages 4 times in the 10 years we have been together but not oral or vaginal sex. I don't feel telling her that will change anything right now. I know how much I hurt her and am sure this wont happen again.
What is your sex life like with your wife?


You have to tell her. You are doing what 99.9% of all cheaters do. You are lying to your wife and she knows it. I have no doubt that she feels it in her gut. When my husband lied like that I knew it and kept digging. Every time I found something else, he would suddenly remember just that as swear that there was nothing else. Then there would be the next thing I would find out.. and round and round we went. When I finally to sick of it all I just told him that since he is nothing more than a proven liar, I have no choice but to believe the worst things in my imagination...

Why are you cheating on your wife?
 

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By the way, you should ask a moderator to move this thread to the Coping With Infidelity forum.
 

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Has she stated whether or not she intends to stay married to you? It might take her a while to decide one way or the other. Just wondering if she said anything.
 

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I have not told a soul until this post. She feels that after what I have done she is not part of my family. Maybe it means she will leave me. As far as why did I cheat on my wife? Aside from being drunk and being in a very stressful time in my life, I guess the answer is I never thought it would affect her. I did not realize the hurt I could cause at the time.
 

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I have not told a soul until this post. She feels that after what I have done she is not part of my family. Maybe it means she will leave me. As far as why did I cheat on my wife? Aside from being drunk and being in a very stressful time in my life, I guess the answer is I never thought it would affect her. I did not realize the hurt I could cause at the time.
Selfishness, OP?
 
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Ele I just signed up to the forum 30 minutes ago and don't even know enough about the program to follow your responses. I would be happy to open it to anyones views.
 

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I have not told a soul until this post. She feels that after what I have done she is not part of my family. Maybe it means she will leave me. As far as why did I cheat on my wife? Aside from being drunk and being in a very stressful time in my life, I guess the answer is I never thought it would affect her. I did not realize the hurt I could cause at the time.
Does your wife know that you go to strip clubs without her and get lap dances?

So you are ok with lying and cheating as long as you can hide it. I'll bet that's not the man your wife thought that she was married to.

Being drunk is not an excuse. You knew what you were going to do before you got drunk.
 

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