Hi, No i never cheated, my H cheated on me, once as far as I know. But i have my doubts obviously as to did he ever do it before, or again. I didn't find out until 3 years after the fact.Does not sound hypothetical
Sounds like you cheated and not sure what to do.
If you cheated you need to tell your spoiuse, let them know how bad you feel, answer all of their questions honestly and completly
I found out when I came across an old 'archive' in an email account on an old work laptop my H had given to me when he got an update.How did you find out?
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I have suggested this and he didn't hesitate, he said he would do it.Looks like he's not the one to confess on his own. You'll need evidence to confront, which is what you did. Unlikely he will confess to more.
If you cant live with that, have him to a polygraph.
Very honest answer, here. I believe my H would answer the same.I cheated on my wife years ago. Just the once. But I didn't confess. I got caught. I would like to think I would have ended it at some point, but to be honest with myself, I probably would not have until I got caught. When you're caught up in it, there's no way your brain is going to just let you come clean unless you're caught somehow. Surely there are people out there with much stronger morals than I, but then they wouldn't cheat and wouldn't have anything to confess.
Hard to say if there's been more than one A with your H, but I'm certain he wouldn't want to just out himself if he didn't need to.
Thanks so sad lady, I read some of your thread, it all makes me so sad. I feel a lot of what you feel....I just want the whole truth.....I kind of think that I can cope and live with a one off cheat, if my H is remorseful enough, and has learnt that he has too much to lose to ever go down that path again.Hey Gem. I understand what you're asking.
My hope is that if I wanted to cheat, that I would tell my H first...and either work on it, or if it was that strong, LEAVE THE MARRIAGE before acting up on it.
From what I've been through myself this summer though, it's really hard to even imagine being in the situation where cheating was even on my mind. I understood that infidelity wrecks marriages, obviously. I just did NOT understand the reality of the feelings behind it. And I could NEVER do that to anyone - even my worst enemy.
FYI - I started a hypothetical question thread a while back, was interesting to see the differences in answers..I still don't really know how to use all the feaures of this site, so I'll try to link back to it if you want to take a look. Just thought you'd find it interesting, since it seems like you and I seem to have a lot in common based on the threads of yours that I read.
Here it is, hope it works:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/55710-hypothetical-question-bs-s-5.html
Off topic here a bit, just have to say....Falene - I like you! Sorry that you're having to feel resentment and bitterness.... I feel it in my own life too, but I don't normally post it. Which is why I love reading your posts! You just make me feel "all better" for some of my own thoughts sometimes!At this moment in my life, I would rent a billboard on the way to my husband's work to plaster the most flattering picture I could take of me and my hunky AP together drinking and watching porn (two of my husband's most favorite past times). Of course, this is only hypothetically speaking.
Seriously, I have been wearing big girl panties for too long to make such a reckless decision as to have an affair, especially now. I would dump his arse first and then go ruin my family.
I wish I had an answer for that..."how will I ever know"?Thanks so sad lady, I read some of your thread, it all makes me so sad. I feel a lot of what you feel....I just want the whole truth.....I kind of think that I can cope and live with a one off cheat, if my H is remorseful enough, and has learnt that he has too much to lose to ever go down that path again.
The problem is, did he realise the pain it would cause me / us. Because I didn't find out for 3 years, did he think he got away with it, and so went on and did something more........or did he learn from it.
How will i ever know?
I guess we have to take one day as it comes, one step in front of the other...see if they f*ck up and hope they don't. That is our life now it seems.I wish I had an answer for that..."how will I ever know"?
And it comes back to trust - which we've always done. Until our worlds were shattered. And they say they learned their lesson (I still question what lesson...)..and all of a sudden we're supposed to trust again. Because they said to... ??
My hope for you - for me - for any BS - is that time and love can answer the questions. But who knows. It's all very confusing - a journey with no instructions.
You're right. And in the mean time we'll have nights like you had the other night, when you don't hear from him for an hour or two, your imagination goes off....and almost makes us irrational.I guess we have to take one day as it comes, one step in front of the other...see if they f*ck up and hope they don't. That is our life now it seems.
I did.If you had been the cheater, would you have come home and confessed?
Would you rock the boat if your spouse is unlikely to ever find out?
no doubt in my mind, no second chances......he f*cked up once that i know of, the slightest slip now, even a doubt in my mind and we are over. I am giving him this one chance, but if he blows it, we're over. It wont take much....just a doubt and end of!You're right. And in the mean time we'll have nights like you had the other night, when you don't hear from him for an hour or two, your imagination goes off....and almost makes us irrational.
Oh, but - for me...if he does fvck up again. Game over.
How bout for you?
My wife cheated on me. We rugswept and I self-medicated with alcohol.no doubt in my mind, no second chances......he f*cked up once that i know of, the slightest slip now, even a doubt in my mind and we are over. I am giving him this one chance, but if he blows it, we're over. It wont take much....just a doubt and end of!