I hope this is the correct forum to post this. I have been stewing on this and feel the need to get this off of my chest.
A few weeks ago while cleaning out the storage shed at my wife's mother's house I came across a large sealed box with a label indicating that it contained some old things of my wife's. I threw it in my car and took it home without a thought. Her mother is moving back to Europe and we have been needing to clean out.
A couple of days later I was taking it up to the attic when I dropped it and the contents spilled out. What I found has profoundly challenged my faith in my wife.
The box contained journals, pictures and videos that definitively prove that before we got engaged my wife was a prostitute. I also believe that my wife knew this was there as when I told her I was going to go and do this she told me not to worry about doing it until they get back. She and her mother have been in Europe for the last month and will not be home for a few more weeks.
Let me give you a little background on us. No children. Both nearing 40. We have been married for 9 years. We both have good careers. In fact a few years ago when she finished her PhD she started a new career as a professor. We are financially stable and have not had any serious issues. Except sex and that is only since she finished her doctorate. Well, maybe a little before. I also have a PhD but do not work in a university. And we are in very different disciplines
Up until the latter part of our doctoral work our love life was good. Sure, we had our ups and downs given career and academic stressors. But up until then we had a very active love life. Before we married we talked openly (I thought) about our pasts. Both of us disclosed that we had both had more than a few partners. But nothing that would come back to haunt us.
Now I find out that my wife was selling herself throughout college and up until we were dating. At first she was rather indiscriminate and then evolved into a very selective clientele. She had admittedly been a very adventurous woman and the journals in the box show a woman who was much, much more than just adventurous. It is obvious that she enjoyed her “professional” activities and was even more experimental on her own time. All of this was in the journals. She even taped some of her meetings in addition to her own encounters.
Another disturbing thing is that all of her writing, including the beginning of our relationship, she considered herself completely bi-sexual. I knew she had been with women. It doesn’t even bother me too much that she was promiscuous. I was also very promiscuous in those years before we met. What bothers me is the deception.
This is compounded by the fact that our sexual intimacy has declined sharply over the last few years. She is now almost completely disinterested in sex. Though she still enjoys being intimate. Once bordering on having an oral fetish, she has not given me a BJ in over 2 years and tells me that she now finds it and sex in general demeaning for her. She is clear that it is nothing I am doing or want her to do. For a time I suspected she was cheating on me. But I have investigated and discounted that to as great a degree as possible.
We have tried counseling, but she and councilors do not get along. A couple we are extremely close to are both psychologists and I previously talked to them about our sexual issues. They both agree that my wife is a psychologist’s “worst nightmare” because she is an amazing debater and has too much of a background in psychology.
Do not get me wrong. Aside from the sex we get along very well. We have reached a sort of détente, where every so often she will bend over for me. If I am in particular need and ask her for some, she will usually allow me to. But she is unengaged in it. And I cannot help but feel that my recent discovery is connected to our current situation.
I do not know why I am sharing this except for perhaps the cathartic act itself. I have made an appointment to speak to one of our old therapists. But she cannot see me for a couple weeks. In the mean time I have not said anything to my wife about this. And cannot even fathom how I will broach this with her when she returns.
A few weeks ago while cleaning out the storage shed at my wife's mother's house I came across a large sealed box with a label indicating that it contained some old things of my wife's. I threw it in my car and took it home without a thought. Her mother is moving back to Europe and we have been needing to clean out.
A couple of days later I was taking it up to the attic when I dropped it and the contents spilled out. What I found has profoundly challenged my faith in my wife.
The box contained journals, pictures and videos that definitively prove that before we got engaged my wife was a prostitute. I also believe that my wife knew this was there as when I told her I was going to go and do this she told me not to worry about doing it until they get back. She and her mother have been in Europe for the last month and will not be home for a few more weeks.
Let me give you a little background on us. No children. Both nearing 40. We have been married for 9 years. We both have good careers. In fact a few years ago when she finished her PhD she started a new career as a professor. We are financially stable and have not had any serious issues. Except sex and that is only since she finished her doctorate. Well, maybe a little before. I also have a PhD but do not work in a university. And we are in very different disciplines
Up until the latter part of our doctoral work our love life was good. Sure, we had our ups and downs given career and academic stressors. But up until then we had a very active love life. Before we married we talked openly (I thought) about our pasts. Both of us disclosed that we had both had more than a few partners. But nothing that would come back to haunt us.
Now I find out that my wife was selling herself throughout college and up until we were dating. At first she was rather indiscriminate and then evolved into a very selective clientele. She had admittedly been a very adventurous woman and the journals in the box show a woman who was much, much more than just adventurous. It is obvious that she enjoyed her “professional” activities and was even more experimental on her own time. All of this was in the journals. She even taped some of her meetings in addition to her own encounters.
Another disturbing thing is that all of her writing, including the beginning of our relationship, she considered herself completely bi-sexual. I knew she had been with women. It doesn’t even bother me too much that she was promiscuous. I was also very promiscuous in those years before we met. What bothers me is the deception.
This is compounded by the fact that our sexual intimacy has declined sharply over the last few years. She is now almost completely disinterested in sex. Though she still enjoys being intimate. Once bordering on having an oral fetish, she has not given me a BJ in over 2 years and tells me that she now finds it and sex in general demeaning for her. She is clear that it is nothing I am doing or want her to do. For a time I suspected she was cheating on me. But I have investigated and discounted that to as great a degree as possible.
We have tried counseling, but she and councilors do not get along. A couple we are extremely close to are both psychologists and I previously talked to them about our sexual issues. They both agree that my wife is a psychologist’s “worst nightmare” because she is an amazing debater and has too much of a background in psychology.
Do not get me wrong. Aside from the sex we get along very well. We have reached a sort of détente, where every so often she will bend over for me. If I am in particular need and ask her for some, she will usually allow me to. But she is unengaged in it. And I cannot help but feel that my recent discovery is connected to our current situation.
I do not know why I am sharing this except for perhaps the cathartic act itself. I have made an appointment to speak to one of our old therapists. But she cannot see me for a couple weeks. In the mean time I have not said anything to my wife about this. And cannot even fathom how I will broach this with her when she returns.
