As some of you know, I've been trying to deal with my wife who has become very domineering, yet at the same time acts incredibly needy. She's always wanting me to validate her all time and claims that even the tiniest thing she doesn't like causes her "anxiety", like a few dirty dishes. Annoyance, I buy.. But not "anxiety". That's a mental health problem.
In any case, I've been wondering about my responses to things and my 'avoidance' prone behavior. Well, I have a short story about a very bad incident that, well, actually taught me a lot.
First, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure about a year and a half ago, and was put on 4 medications to control it. I'm now down to two, and am wanting to get off of them. The two I got off of had very, very bad side effects. How bad? I am now considered a diabetic... a possible side effect of two of them, one I'm not off yet.
Now, here's where this tale brought me some insight, even if I don't know what to make of it yet. A few days ago, I was quite occupied with some things, and I missed two doses of one of my BP meds, one being known as a "Beta Blocker". It works by attaching itself to your cells to prevent adrenaline (and related hormones) from getting into them and causing them to act on it.
At first, I was just uncomfortable. Kind of like you put a dent in some nice furniture and your wife is going to be seriously upset, it's a keepsake or something. A nagging, vaguely dreading feeling that just would not go away. I could find no reason for it. And worse, my blood sugar was shooting up and my blood pressure wasn't good, either.
I was so occupied with those (and other) things that I missed the time for dose 3, as well. But, before this happened, I was in full fledged "near panic" state. Imagine your phone rings and the person at the other end says "Hi, please come to the Emergency department, your family has been in an accident and you need to come right now". That kind of gut wrenching, fear-induced state of mind and body. Yes... that bad. I endured it for 3 hours. Blood pressure in stroke territory, and me struggling desperately to get my emotions and mind under control. I figured out the cause part way into it and the rest was waiting for the med to assimilate and circulate.
But something else stood out. Conflict. Confrontation. Emotionally charged conversations. Arguing things.
All these and more, over my adult lifetime have elicited these same, gut wrenching reactions. I recognized the abject misery, physical discomfort, and mental state induced by the adrenaline and other hormones finally reaching the cells in my brain and body... and realized why I have been so profoundly working to avoid the situations that caused them.
I don't avoid just because I'm lazy... I've been avoiding because the gut wrenching physical and the emotional trauma has been so bad. I've been on these things for more than 16 months. I never really realized what was NOT happening. Yes, there's still frustration and I still have some reaction... but nothing like I used to.
I never really realized I should not be shaking, having gut wrenching abdominal pain, feel desperately fearful.. And that's what I've been avoiding. I go to the doctor in a couple days to start tests and figure out if I have hyperactive adrenal glands.. if so, it's the cause of my hypertension ( my bp is very good right now, compared to what it was)... and much of the reason I have been so tired and so desperately emotionally stressed by any and everything for all these years.
Maybe it's all mental and my body's fine. Or not. Either way... I now have some small answers to my own dilemmas in life.
In any case, I've been wondering about my responses to things and my 'avoidance' prone behavior. Well, I have a short story about a very bad incident that, well, actually taught me a lot.
First, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure about a year and a half ago, and was put on 4 medications to control it. I'm now down to two, and am wanting to get off of them. The two I got off of had very, very bad side effects. How bad? I am now considered a diabetic... a possible side effect of two of them, one I'm not off yet.
Now, here's where this tale brought me some insight, even if I don't know what to make of it yet. A few days ago, I was quite occupied with some things, and I missed two doses of one of my BP meds, one being known as a "Beta Blocker". It works by attaching itself to your cells to prevent adrenaline (and related hormones) from getting into them and causing them to act on it.
At first, I was just uncomfortable. Kind of like you put a dent in some nice furniture and your wife is going to be seriously upset, it's a keepsake or something. A nagging, vaguely dreading feeling that just would not go away. I could find no reason for it. And worse, my blood sugar was shooting up and my blood pressure wasn't good, either.
I was so occupied with those (and other) things that I missed the time for dose 3, as well. But, before this happened, I was in full fledged "near panic" state. Imagine your phone rings and the person at the other end says "Hi, please come to the Emergency department, your family has been in an accident and you need to come right now". That kind of gut wrenching, fear-induced state of mind and body. Yes... that bad. I endured it for 3 hours. Blood pressure in stroke territory, and me struggling desperately to get my emotions and mind under control. I figured out the cause part way into it and the rest was waiting for the med to assimilate and circulate.
But something else stood out. Conflict. Confrontation. Emotionally charged conversations. Arguing things.
All these and more, over my adult lifetime have elicited these same, gut wrenching reactions. I recognized the abject misery, physical discomfort, and mental state induced by the adrenaline and other hormones finally reaching the cells in my brain and body... and realized why I have been so profoundly working to avoid the situations that caused them.
I don't avoid just because I'm lazy... I've been avoiding because the gut wrenching physical and the emotional trauma has been so bad. I've been on these things for more than 16 months. I never really realized what was NOT happening. Yes, there's still frustration and I still have some reaction... but nothing like I used to.
I never really realized I should not be shaking, having gut wrenching abdominal pain, feel desperately fearful.. And that's what I've been avoiding. I go to the doctor in a couple days to start tests and figure out if I have hyperactive adrenal glands.. if so, it's the cause of my hypertension ( my bp is very good right now, compared to what it was)... and much of the reason I have been so tired and so desperately emotionally stressed by any and everything for all these years.
Maybe it's all mental and my body's fine. Or not. Either way... I now have some small answers to my own dilemmas in life.