Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 19 of 19 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
450 Posts
I say....telling a lie, big or small, is asking for trouble. It's so much easier to just tell the truth, deal with what consequences there may be, and be done with it. It may sting for a bit, but in the long run our Husbands will respect us for it.

I like what another TAM member said recently: Tell the truth and you don't have to remember anything......or something to that effect anyway.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Lon and 2ntnuf

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,139 Posts
I thought I'd tackle each one of these...I'm the type that should probably WHITE lie it a little more.... I have a tendency to say more than I need or I can nicely put my foot in my mouth - trying to keep it "real". Somehow I enjoy the challenge of being TRUE...or taking a hard truth and still revealing it -but gracefully ...and taking my lumps if need be.

1. "I never talk about our personal life with my friends." There is nothing I have taken to a girlfriend that wasn't taken to my husband. He hears it all, that doesn't mean I don't talk about stuff with my gf's though. He really doesn't have a problem with that, heck my Gf's would stick up for him if I started ratting on him.

2. "I had only one glass of wine at dinner." I can't even drink a glass with a straight face, doesn't apply.

3. "I've never seen Jim outside of work." I've always told him who I run into if I go out & about... the juicier the conversation, the bigger of a highlight it would be in our conversation - with each other... that's just the way we are.

4. "I always watch what I eat." I wish. I can gorge...chocolate is the weakness... I've never white -lied about something like this either. My attitude is more like... yeah, if I screw up & eat too much...I'd tell him that too...because this in itself - would humble me, and I'd be more likely to try harder to NOT do that in the future...so I can celebrate when I stay on track. Pounds would speak for itself anyway if one white lied too much.

5. I wasn't with Katie; I was only with Jennifer and Susan." Never done this. I might have with my parents growing up a time or two, but never the husband. Even the 1 GF we have that is a little WILD CHILD- single & lovin' many men...(he doesn't care for her morality).....though he does admit he worries about her driving & a little about the places she goes, he has never worried about me, I can handle my own. But I've never went anywhere with her concerning -other than to see the Chippendales...& it's not like we went backstage.

6. "These new shoes? They were on sale." I am very thrifty by nature, I tend get excited & speak about how much I saved on something, so if/when I do get carried away on spending too much (for me, that is probably not much).... he is never bothered- I'll say something like "Boy, I really spend the bucks today!!" (cringe) and tell him all about it....Never had to lie...he would make some comment like....I deserved it or it's ok, "that's what the $$ is there for".

7. "I didn't forget to go to the bank. I got busy and figured I'd go later."
Husband has never been condescending -like the article mentions. I've just always owed up to what I did, or didn't do. He knows I am hardly a procrastinator... so he doesn't worry about me getting things done.

8. "Of course you're great in bed. I'm totally satisfied." I've never faked an orgasm ...I love them too much, If I'd miss mine, I'd make him do it again. And if I want something more out of him, I don't hold back...I probably even go too far in this area....causing little cat fights over wanting him to be more aggressive..... I enthusiastically stroke his ego 95% of the time ....and mean it from the bottom of my heart. But that means when I get a little irritated, I mean that too. He takes the good with the bad.

9. "No, that doesn't bother me at all." Ha ha, I wouldn't even be able to do this one. When something bothers me , I always take it to him. He wants that....Whatever it is. Even if I step on his toes a little now & then. I feel the same that he brings everything to me -that is bothering him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,104 Posts
I'm more likely to lie by omission than to outright fib.

I don't see the point in telling the truth all the time. Some things just need to be kept to yourself. For example does he really need to know that I just consumed an entire box of Oreo's in one sitting? Really? I wouldn't tell him nor would I lie about it.

What does it matter?
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
8,302 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
So let me get this straight.

1. Don't Lie to your spouse
2. Communicate your problems in a constructive way.

WOW that article was truly profound.
And yet most people utterly screw it up, wouldn't you agree?

I think the takeaway for me, is that consistently lying about the little things, inexorably can lead to lying about the big things.
And besides ... this is for women. We all know this doesn't apply to men. :)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,714 Posts
I say....telling a lie, big or small, is asking for trouble. It's so much easier to just tell the truth, deal with what consequences there may be, and be done with it. It may sting for a bit, but in the long run our Husbands will respect us for it.

I like what another TAM member said recently: Tell the truth and you don't have to remember anything......or something to that effect anyway.
That’s one of Judge Judy’s sayings. It’s amazing how quickly she catches a liar out.


Her stance is if a person has told a lie they’d better remember it. But one lie is often followed by another as a cover-up, which is followed by another lie. And hence the liar cannot rewind on their trail of lies simply because they can’t remember the lies they told.


It’s the …. “Oh! what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive! (Sir Walter Scott).


Liars just lose their credibility, sometimes such that they're not believed even when telling the truth.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,287 Posts
I'm more likely to lie by omission than to outright fib.

I don't see the point in telling the truth all the time. Some things just need to be kept to yourself. For example does he really need to know that I just consumed an entire box of Oreo's in one sitting? Really? I wouldn't tell him nor would I lie about it.

What does it matter?
How would that be classified as a lie by omission? Unless you are on a diet and the box was 60 cookies? I'd think he'd realize they were gone anyway if he went to get one and there were no cookies to be found. ;)

I don't lie to my husband. It causes too much trouble. But, then, I've gone over this on other threads anyway. Lying in any way doesn't help a relationship. It only breaks down trust.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
628 Posts
So I lie! I have told my H or friends that I am happy for them when something exciting happens to them and the truth is I could care less at the moment. It is usually when my depression is getting the best of me and it would not even excite me for them if they hit the lottery.
I figure there is nothing wrong in faking being happy when if I was not depressed I would actually be happy for them.
Other than those times I am actually pretty honest.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,104 Posts
How would that be classified as a lie by omission? Unless you are on a diet and the box was 60 cookies? I'd think he'd realize they were gone anyway if he went to get one and there were no cookies to be found. ;).
Because I've had a history with binge eating. He'd never know because they were never here to begin with. I'd drive to the store, purchase them, eat them all and then destroy the evidence.

I wasn't fat, was only hurting myself and there wasn't a darn thing he could do to help me so I kept most of this between me and my therapist until I could fix it.

Total lie by omission.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,139 Posts
I'm more likely to lie by omission than to outright fib.

I don't see the point in telling the truth all the time. Some things just need to be kept to yourself. For example does he really need to know that I just consumed an entire box of Oreo's in one sitting? Really? I wouldn't tell him nor would I lie about it.

What does it matter?
This right here is one of the problems I had with my husband, if I didn't ask the right questions in the past, I didn't get to the
of the matter. Not that it was about cookies, more like Nookie !

Of course I don't intentionally spill E V E R Y T H I N G to my husband BUT....if it's something I am feeling inner turmoil about, a little guilty.. I have to get it out...or I am bothered somehow. Eating too many cookies probably wouldn't be a big deal......but here is what would happen, I wouldn't be able to sleep, being Mrs fidgety, then be up half the night restless cause of all that sugar, then he would know anyhow!

These days, I ask him more questions than I used too, he's told me he likes my digging.... if that bothered him (being a more quiet man by nature) we'd have some issues, but he's always beamed because I am interested in hearing from him. ;)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,104 Posts
SA my husband doesn't want to know. Maybe one day he will now that we're getting closer but for now he's pretty much had it with my depression, ptsd, and brokenness.

So I keep most of this to myself. I only discuss it when I absolutely have to.

So do I lie? Absolutely. Its how I keep my marriage stable, sane and peaceful.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,139 Posts
SA my husband doesn't want to know. Maybe one day he will now that we're getting closer but for now he's pretty much had it with my depression, ptsd, and brokenness.

So I keep most of this to myself. I only discuss it when I absolutely have to.

So do I lie? Absolutely. Its how I keep my marriage stable, sane and peaceful.
And this makes sense , it really does. You have to work with what you have & so often, where another is at ...what they can handle.

I have a GF right now, she calls me crying/ so angry /broken...she lost her BF , pretty much due to her ongoing issues with her ex & sons...he couldn't handle the honesty either, too much of it was sorrowful though -he wanted her to keep that to herself, because it wore him down.

Maybe if she started slower, didn't overwhelm him so fast, I don't know but now I'm trying to help her move on. I know he is finished, he gave her so many second chances.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,104 Posts
My husband wants a smooth life and that means while he may think he wants honestly he really doesn't. He can take it in small doses so I'm mindful of that. I'm only allowed so many bad moods before he pulls away from me. :(
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
7,548 Posts
I lie to Mrs Wysh all the time.

For instance she will come in from work and I will ask how her day/morning at work went.

I really couldn't care less that they were mean to her because she has a desk full of work, and somebody placed a huge pile of 'renewals' on her desk, plus she has to arrange the travel and hotel for her MD etc.

But I know she likes it and she likes to vent to me. I have got very good at pretending to be interested over the years. I've also learned not to try and 'fix' it for her. Most I do now is at appropriate moments shake my head, say "Did they, really tsk"
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,139 Posts
I lie to Mrs Wysh all the time.

For instance she will come in from work and I will ask how her day/morning at work went.

I really couldn't care less that they were mean to her because she has a desk full of work, and somebody placed a huge pile of 'renewals' on her desk, plus she has to arrange the travel and hotel for her MD etc.

But I know she likes it and she likes to vent to me. I have got very good at pretending to be interested over the years. I've also learned not to try and 'fix' it for her. Most I do now is at appropriate moments shake my head, say "Did they, really tsk"
She might read this Mr Wysh & you'll be
-with that "couldn't care less" admission.

My husband never complains about anything....it is so very rare. When he does, I know it is bad, to take it serious. He works outside, it was pretty cold this morning, I mentioned not wanting to get out of the covers...He says "I have to work in this"..... I said......"and You never complain...never"... he says... "What good would it do, won't change anything"...

So there is his attitude. It's not like we can change the weather, other people, our jobs, so tough it up and make the best of it....what is that saying ...



....this could use one more line....."and the will power to hold my tongue when it's only going to bring others down".

Best to not burden others with a pessimistic mountain on a daily basis ~ everyone wants to run from that, whether they let on - or not. ;)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,256 Posts
I found the article to be a total bunch of cr*p. But, if it works for others, GREAT FOR THEM!

This article PRESUMES that BOTH spouses are mature and wanting to work SERIOUSLY at improving their marriages; that is such a VERY SMALL MINORITY of marriages here at TAM.

If you're IN one of those marriages, GOOD FOR YOU (sincerely); but YOU probably don't need the advice in the article. If you're NOT in one of those marriages, then the advice isn't going to do you any good anyway.

In a smorgasbord of marital advice (that is the internet), that article was a plate of Twinkies!
 
1 - 19 of 19 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top