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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have been married for 17 years and separated for 7 months now and last night I felt all the memories come back from the months before our separation - him telling me that he was not in love with me any more and me begging him to change. I didn't sleep at all last night and this morning I am feeling anxious and worried like I did when we were in the middle of all of this. How is it that after 7 months I still feel this way? Shouldn't I be able to move on some and accept that he doesn't love me any more? I'm feeling as bad as I did the day he left.
 

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What a shame. I feel for you, its been only a month for me and im feeling ok about the situation. Dont get me wrong, im still struggling to come to terms, but im moving on.

Get yourself out there, go do something different, go a trip with friends. I find, by keeping busy for long periods stops the thoughts coming back. I dont think it has sunk in for me yet, due to the amount of unanswered questions i have.

Just look at it like an experience and learn things about yourself from it.
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Are you seeing a counselor? 17 years is a long time, you may need some help. Grieving the loss of a marriage isn't easy. Are you working on you? Do you still have alot of contact with H? Hard to heal if your in constant communication.
 

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I have been married for 17 years and separated for 7 months now and last night I felt all the memories come back from the months before our separation - him telling me that he was not in love with me any more and me begging him to change. I didn't sleep at all last night and this morning I am feeling anxious and worried like I did when we were in the middle of all of this. How is it that after 7 months I still feel this way? Shouldn't I be able to move on some and accept that he doesn't love me any more? I'm feeling as bad as I did the day he left.
I totally understand, It’s amazing that you get through some of the grieving process, depression, anger, bitterness, hurt.. feel like you healing, having more good days then bad and all of a sudden you get hit in the gut about it all again.. and your right back to depression, etc.... Im hoping that those episodes not only get fewer as the months go on but don’t last as long.. I just had 1 and 1/2 months that went great.....without any of those feelings so I guess that’s a good start... hang on!
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I am not in counseling. I've been stupidly thinking that I can handle this myself, but obviously I'm not doing that well at it. We only talk about our son or finances, etc. When he first left, we were much more civil with each other and friendly. He would stop by the house and chat and he would even hug me before he left. Now, he doesn't even look at me when we meet at a public place for pick ups and drop offs for our son. It's so painful.
 

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Hi SP - I am sorry for your pain, and can completely relate to the roller coaster. It is normal to move through cycles of grieivng and letting go when we have lost such a significant core relationship. At 9 months separated now, I have berated myself in the same way when the sadness comes roaring back -- thinking I "should" be further along in my healing and that I shouldn't still have all these feelings for my estranged husband.

I'm considering some grief counselling to help me get through this as well, but also recently found some podcasts and books that seem quite helpful for addressing painful emotions:

Greene's Release » Heal Your PAIN – Releasing the Emotions of Grief & Loss

Hang in there and know you are not alone! Keep your chin up, and keep us posted.

Cheers, - A12
 
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