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Hi All -
Monday (10/8/12) will mark six months since my husband left me and moved out to "take some space," and the passing of the "six months separated" that is required before one can get a divorce in our state. I have come a long way, emotionally, and appreciate the helpful advice and support I've received on this forum. He has not been a jerk, and I am lad for that. Without my asking, he has continued to help subsidize the monthly mortage on our Condo, until we sort out what we are doing. He has not told me what his intentions are regarding our marriage, but has seemed VERY comfortable with the status quo and has not shown me a single solitary sign that we are getting back together. No. To the contrary, all signs so far point to divorce:
1. Him moving out;
2. His refusal of couples therapy;
3. His initiation of rings off;
4. His initiation of heading us down the path of dividing marital assets.
So a couple of weeks ago, I asked him over for a heart-to-heart and told him that although he is well aware it was always my preference that we face our problems and grow through them together as husand and wife, I cannot stay in this limbo indefinitely. I told him that by the end of this month, I need a decision one way or the other: either he gives me some sign he wants to stay married (minimally to include rings back on -- the rest is negotiable), or he files for divorce so that I can move on with my life. BOOM! I have felt so much better ever since :smthumbup:
We do not have children and have been together 7 years, married for 5 -- both waited until later in life to get married. The whole time during this separation, he maintains there is no one else, and he has no interest or desire to date -- he is grappling with his depression and anger, so he says. Others who know us both very well have supported this impression (i.e. they have said they would be surprised if he had the mindset for dating, and that part of him does not want to let go of me and the marriage). But given the complete lack of interest he has shown in me and our marriage ever since he left, I highly doubt he has any intention of coming back.
Thank God, I have done the work of moving on, and climbing out of the deep dark pit of heartbreak and despair. I am so over the limbo and neglect that even if by some miracle he shows a change of heart within the next 4 weeks and indicates a desire to stay married, it would be too little too late. I'm ready to close the door on this chapter -- having already started a bright new one filled with promise and hope for the future and free of the baggage and pain and drama of the past. As they say, "his loss" - LOL!
For those just starting this challenging journey, I would say the key is reaching that place of acceptance and non-attachment to any particular outcome. There was a time not long ago when I thought I would never get here, so I am truly grateful. I changed back to my maiden name by court order as of yesterday -- the new old me is back, yip yip!!!
All Best Wishes, - A12
Monday (10/8/12) will mark six months since my husband left me and moved out to "take some space," and the passing of the "six months separated" that is required before one can get a divorce in our state. I have come a long way, emotionally, and appreciate the helpful advice and support I've received on this forum. He has not been a jerk, and I am lad for that. Without my asking, he has continued to help subsidize the monthly mortage on our Condo, until we sort out what we are doing. He has not told me what his intentions are regarding our marriage, but has seemed VERY comfortable with the status quo and has not shown me a single solitary sign that we are getting back together. No. To the contrary, all signs so far point to divorce:
1. Him moving out;
2. His refusal of couples therapy;
3. His initiation of rings off;
4. His initiation of heading us down the path of dividing marital assets.
So a couple of weeks ago, I asked him over for a heart-to-heart and told him that although he is well aware it was always my preference that we face our problems and grow through them together as husand and wife, I cannot stay in this limbo indefinitely. I told him that by the end of this month, I need a decision one way or the other: either he gives me some sign he wants to stay married (minimally to include rings back on -- the rest is negotiable), or he files for divorce so that I can move on with my life. BOOM! I have felt so much better ever since :smthumbup:
We do not have children and have been together 7 years, married for 5 -- both waited until later in life to get married. The whole time during this separation, he maintains there is no one else, and he has no interest or desire to date -- he is grappling with his depression and anger, so he says. Others who know us both very well have supported this impression (i.e. they have said they would be surprised if he had the mindset for dating, and that part of him does not want to let go of me and the marriage). But given the complete lack of interest he has shown in me and our marriage ever since he left, I highly doubt he has any intention of coming back.
Thank God, I have done the work of moving on, and climbing out of the deep dark pit of heartbreak and despair. I am so over the limbo and neglect that even if by some miracle he shows a change of heart within the next 4 weeks and indicates a desire to stay married, it would be too little too late. I'm ready to close the door on this chapter -- having already started a bright new one filled with promise and hope for the future and free of the baggage and pain and drama of the past. As they say, "his loss" - LOL!
For those just starting this challenging journey, I would say the key is reaching that place of acceptance and non-attachment to any particular outcome. There was a time not long ago when I thought I would never get here, so I am truly grateful. I changed back to my maiden name by court order as of yesterday -- the new old me is back, yip yip!!!
All Best Wishes, - A12