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Discussion Starter · #61 · (Edited)
I've seen so many posts where someone is given a reduced sentence, not held as accountable, because they were drunk. That's just nuts. Your wife understands what drinking does to her, and she does it anyway. I'm hoping that it's past tense now. If she was willing to drink to the point that she would lose any degree of control, with people around her who aren't supportive of your marriage vows. that's 100% on her and indicative of a problem drinker. That has to be dealt with or else she'll go back to it as an "easy" way to dismiss inconvenient boundaries again.
She was in a dark place at the time so she was partying and drinking a lot more than normal. We were both on the precipice of divorce regardless, so I can kind of understand how it went. She gets trashed on two drinks (extremely low tolerance) and tends to binge. Ever since, it's been different. She doesn't go out without me anymore, and if she does, it's with people we both trust fully (friends of the marriage, not of the individual). I know there's always the possibility things will go South, and I'm prepared for that outcome. But she has been very good about boundaries since. This whole thing was extremely out of character for her. We both kind of lost who we were and wanted to be. I considered leaving her to find someone else but when all this came to light, the whole world collapsed for both of us. Basically starting over.
 

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I've seen so many posts where someone is given a reduced sentence, not held as accountable, because they were drunk. That's just nuts. Your wife understands what drinking does to her, and she does it anyway. I'm hoping that it's past tense now. If she was willing to drink to the point that she would lose any degree of control, with people around her who aren't supportive of your marriage vows. that's 100% on her and indicative of a problem drinker. That has to be dealt with or else she'll go back to it as an "easy" way to dismiss inconvenient boundaries again.
I not only do not see drunkenness as an excuse or reduced sentence, but I consider it as a separate and ADDITIONAL offense. I see it as a compounding offense and not an extenuating circumstance.
 

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So, Just to get it straight: she Kissed one Guy and nobody is telling you anything relating to it. But your wife lost her job over it - a brotherly kiss.
The she had an EA with another guy.
Am I the only one seeing a pattern here?
Not to mention she is still protecting the guy she was supposedly only sucking face with. Bet the guy had GF or wife and she does not want him getting in trouble with you or his woman. She still protects her AP and prioritizes him over OP.
 

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Her actions do seem remorsefull and consistent, especially over the past few months. That said, if I were to find out that the EA was actually a PA and she had done more than I was aware of, I think I would stop R in its tracks.
Not telling you the guys name is not being remorseful, she is still protecting him. Take her to a poly and find out if there was more.
 

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Not telling you the guys name is not being remorseful, she is still protecting him. Take her to a poly and find out if there was more.
I don’t think a lot of people understand that acting pathetic and saying “I’m remorseful!” is not the same thing as being remorseful. Ah well. So it goes.
 

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If she was willing to drink to the point that she would lose any degree of control, with people around her who aren't supportive of your marriage vows. that's 100% on her and indicative of a problem drinker.
A problem drinker?
OK.

I see it, as her having problematic boundaries.

When, under the influence, we tend to do what we subconsciously want to do.

Alcohol lowers and weakens your inhibitions.
The Stop Signs 🛑 then get, ignored.

She is both, being influenced by her subconscious and by alcohol's attraction.
Sad people, depressed people, find alcohol a preferred outlet.
 

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As long as you’re ok that your wife was partying and cheating with the hockey team, so be it. Have fun going where some of the team has gone before.

Rug swept and will end up destroying the relationship. There are guys on here now that are in their 60-80’s wishing like hell they could cope with what their wife did 20-40 years ago. Now their life is in a shambles.
 
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