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TLDR

Didn't understand what I did read anyway.
 

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That was a great read.
 
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Gotta be crazy to stay in a marriage from which you get nothing.

Everybody gives to get something or other. No such things as selflessness. Our selfish ego is always there, expectant, waiting for something in return.

Typically, the more we give the more we get. The less we give, the less we get.


You'll only ever get more than you give for a while.


Who works for free?
 

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I appriciate the post/link.

These sorts of articles provide excellent movitation to keep on the NMMNG type path.

It's also important to realize these things and not take them personally. For instance, "The world only cares about what it can get from you" can easily be internalized as rejection and inferiority.

However if you simply view and accept it objectively, you can both be more effective and more "happy"
 

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this article gets in line with thousands of other self help, pop psych, improvement articles and books and life choice guru lectures that come out every day in every magazine and infomercial and appear in every city with the promise of solutions and if some bit of it floats your boat and helps you get through the day, great.
 

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What i took from it was the action bit. There is no point being a good guy if nothing you do puts that out there to be seen.
 

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Gotta be crazy to stay in a marriage from which you get nothing.

Everybody gives to get something or other. No such things as selflessness. Our selfish ego is always there, expectant, waiting for something in return.

Typically, the more we give the more we get. The less we give, the less we get.


You'll only ever get more than you give for a while.


Who works for free?
I read that earlier, and felt it to be dead on. The parts about do you create or consume and what is taking action especially resonated with me.

Sadly, a lot of spouses ( I almost dared to single out a particular gender ) expect marriage to be a system to give them much much more than they give. Some call it entitlement syndrome.

For the duration of my marriage, my ex-w insisted that the world was supposed to "be fair" (to her only it seemed) and it was always somehow my fault if it wasn't. In retrospect I see it as manipulation and s**t tests that I failed badly at. I tired to explain to her that the world is not fair and we had to deal with it as such until I turned blue, but that always fell on deaf ears.

A typical example: Early on, she worked part-time at her parent's business, and brought home maybe 10-15% of what I made. When she started, I instructed her to increase her withholding to match my top marginal tax rate, as what little she made would be taxed at that rate (and it wasn't enough to benefit from filing separately) . She refused. Repeatedly. When April 15th came around and our taxes were filed and I indicated that not only would we not get a refund, but that we had to pay because she didn't withhold enough, she went on a ballistic tirade about how "she ALWAYS got a refund" and how it was "all my fault" and yelled and screamed that I had taken "Her Refund" and that I was to give it back to her "or else". A complete refusal to look at the facts.

Once free of her, I made it a point to find out how any woman I dated saw the world, how she thought it worked and what was owed in each direction. If her worldview and expectations weren't close enough to mine, then I couldn't see how we could be together for the long term and face things as true partners in life. In the long run, I feel that's one of the most important traits in a good marriage.
 

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Lol @

You're like a new movie whose title is This Movie Is in English, and its tagline is "The actors are clearly visible."

OMG THE VID ON PAGE TWO HAHAHA
 

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A typical example: Early on, she worked part-time at her parent's business, and brought home maybe 10-15% of what I made.
That right there puts you in the 99% chance of getting divorced category. It's like me chillin' with Mitt Romney. There's no way we could be able to understand each other.

I indicated that not only would we not get a refund, but that we had to pay because she didn't withhold enough, she went on a ballistic tirade about how "she ALWAYS got a refund" and how it was "all my fault" and yelled and screamed that I had taken "Her Refund" and that I was to give it back to her "or else". A complete refusal to look at the facts.
I think that's called schizophrenia. You're lucky she didn't cut your head off to get the magic stones inside your brain.
 

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That right there puts you in the 99% chance of getting divorced category. It's like me chillin' with Mitt Romney. There's no way we could be able to understand each other.
Ouch. The idea that I was operating under at the time was that I'd make the money and she'd do the child-raising ( except that she wasn't able to get pregnant until a few later due a medical issue that wasn't diagnosed until later) Typical couple in their mid-20s sort of thing. I hope you're not saying that any couple that tries that has a 99% chance of divorce. Now, it's true that my marriage was doomed, but that had more to her having boyfriends on the side that I didn't know about and not the income disparity.


I think that's called schizophrenia. You're lucky she didn't cut your head off to get the magic stones inside your brain.
I can't remember if she ever got that diagnosis. She did get diagnosed as manic/depressive and Bi-Polar Disorder along the way though. I don't think that was the real problem though. She was spoiled - I'm surprised when i go to wikipedia and look up "entitilement complex" that it doesn't bring up a page with her picture .... :rofl:

Seriously though, I made the #2 biggest stupid mistake (#1 was marring her) of trying too hard to take care of her and protect her from the world by giving her everything she wanted while shielding her from the struggles we had. I thought I was being a "good provider" when in reality I was reinforcing in her the idea that she could have everything she wanted without any cost to her. :eek: Just made her see me as a wallet and butler and babysitter that much more.
 

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Woman here :)
But I liked the part about a tree being judged by its fruit.
The fact of the matter when dating is that it's not that the guy is a nice guy (the potential, and the 'idea'), it's how he makes you feel about yourself by being in your life (the fruit.)
 

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All the points are valid, but #1 is my personal experience and mantra.

"....#1. Everything Inside You [ and everyone around you ] Will Fight [ against your self ] Improvement....."

I especially loved this part:


"....*Pretending That Any Self-Improvement Would Somehow Be Selling Out Your True Self *....."

"Oh, so I guess I'm supposed to get rid of all of my manga and instead go to the gym for six hours a day and get a spray tan like those Jersey Shore *********s? Because THAT IS THE ONLY OTHER OPTION.
And so on. Remember, misery is comfortable. It's why so many people prefer it. Happiness takes effort.
Also, courage. It's incredibly comforting to know that as long as you don't create anything in your life, then nobody can attack the thing you created.
It's so much easier to just sit back and criticize other people's creations. This movie is stupid. That couple's kids are brats. That other couple's relationship is a mess. That rich guy is shallow. This restaurant sucks. This Internet writer is an *******. I'd better leave a mean comment demanding that the website fire him. See, I created something..."

..................................................................................................
".....Men at some time are masters of their fates.
The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars
But in ourselves, that we are underlings...."
 
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