4th time in 18 years 2 kiddos

11564 Views 74 Replies 35 Participants Last post by Dad&Hubby, Oct 30, 2012

akguy

Discussion Starter · Oct 27, 2012

well, this is new for me. But I need to get it out there. Hoping it will help with the process.

I Just caught my wife of 18 years sleeping with another man 2 weeks ago. This would be the 4th time in 18 years. I suspect probably 2 others.

I am deeply in love with her but know that i cant go on living this kind of bs all the the time. My anger at her has mostly succeeded and just trying to deal now.

I am a stay at home dad for the last 3 years that works sometimes (if that makes sense..side jobs while kids at school)
I work more in the summer but am still able to do it from home with the kids.
my wife works 60+ hours a week and then frequently has to wine and dine till midnight.

I told her I wasnt leaving my kids and if she wanted to leave to go. well she did.

she wants to move back in next month...I would be on the couch of course because i am a gentleman. She legally can do this I know.
Its funny she has spent more time with the kids in the last 2 weeks than the last 3 years..prob guilt.
Any insight would be great. thanks

Status: Not open for further replies.

1 - 20 of 75 Posts

KanDo

· #2 · Oct 27, 2012 (Edited)

Ok. I am going to be blunt. Why the He11 are you putting up with this!? Do you have no self respect? I am going to give you a little advise.
1) see an attorney NOW!
2) File for divorce, seeking custody of the kids as the primary care giver and spousal support
3) Read No MOre Mr. Nice Guy and the man up threads IMMEDIATELY
40 FInd your balls. You are a man and deserve to be treated as one. Kick this trash to the curb and find someone who will respect and love you. Also start looking for a way to support yourself. I firmly believe that SAH dad's loose the respect of their spouses quite frequently.

Good luck!

Reactions: 5

akguy

Discussion Starter · #3 · Oct 27, 2012

I have worked forever. But when she got this new job I didnt want my kids to be latch key kids. So stay at home dad happened. I still work but just get to be at home doing it..

NewM

· #4 · Oct 27, 2012

4th time that you know of and probably 2 more that you cant prove?

I have to say its all your fault and you deserve to be cheated again by if you don't divorce.
Some people forgive 1st time cheating in hopes of changes and it never happening again but after that if you don't divorce you are just showing that you are ok with being cheated on and cheater is showing that they will cheat again.

You are SAHD while she is provider,if you divorce you will get the kids and child support.

Reactions: 5

akguy

Discussion Starter · #5 · Oct 27, 2012

what is best for the kids in your opinion? We can both stay civil. 6 and 10 are the ages.

Finacially we cant afford 2 houses..yes, i am getting full time work. But then what about my kids? No one there after school?

If i get divorced/separated then on my wifes time its grandma that they cant stand. what are my options.
should she move into the rental downstairs? better option?
any advice is appreciated.

Badblood

· #6 · Oct 27, 2012

How do you know your kids are yours? I'm a professional man and we have a word for women who act like your wife. You need to man-up and stop being the welcome mat. Are you a cuckold?

Reactions: 4

AngryandUsed

· #7 · Oct 27, 2012

I agree with kando.
Quit.

happyman64

· #8 · Oct 27, 2012

akguy said:
what is best for the kids in your opinion? We can both stay civil. 6 and 10 are the ages.

Finacially we cant afford 2 houses..yes, i am getting full time work. But then what about my kids? No one there after school?

If i get divorced/separated then on my wifes time its grandma that they cant stand. what are my options.
should she move into the rental downstairs? better option?
any advice is appreciated.

AKguy

You have many options available to you. And putting your wife in the rental is a good one.

Have you ever sat down with your wife to discuss why she cheats?

Have you ever been to MC or demanded she see a therapist?

Her behavior is so disrespectful, especially multiple affairs throughout your marriage.

Do your kids understand why she is out of the house?

And if you have the kids why can't your wife just get an apt. and visit the kids at your house. It sounds like neither the kids nor you were a priority for her.

And these last 3 weeks with the kids is called guilt.

See less See more

Reactions: 1

MattMatt

· #9 · Oct 27, 2012

NewM said:
4th time that you know of and probably 2 more that you cant prove?

I have to say its all your fault and you deserve to be cheated again by if you don't divorce.
Some people forgive 1st time cheating in hopes of changes and it never happening again but after that if you don't divorce you are just showing that you are ok with being cheated on and cheater is showing that they will cheat again.

You are SAHD while she is provider,if you divorce you will get the kids and child support.

I have to say its all your fault

Seriously? It's all HIS fault?

Not entirely certain why anyone hit 'like' on your post.

OP: Your wife chose to cheat. It is not your fault.

Reactions: 4

AlphaHalf

· #10 · Oct 27, 2012

she wants to move back in next month...I would be on the couch of course because i am a gentleman/Doormat.

This is why she continues to cheat . She knows there are no consequences to her actions and that you will put up with it.

Reactions: 1

wiigirl

· #11 · Oct 27, 2012

NewM said:
4th time that you know of and probably 2 more that you cant prove?

I have to say its all your fault and you deserve to be cheated again by if you don't divorce.
Some people forgive 1st time cheating in hopes of changes and it never happening again but after that if you don't divorce you are just showing that you are ok with being cheated on and cheater is showing that they will cheat again.

You are SAHD while she is provider,if you divorce you will get the kids and child support.

:iagree:

Posted via Mobile Device

See less See more

Kasler

· #12 · Oct 27, 2012

akguy said:
I would be on the couch of course because i am a beta male

Don't mistake your weakness with chivalry.

As a SAHD shes bound to not have much respect for you. You should keep her out instead rather than allowing her to stroll right on in.

Screw the law as an excuse. She may be able to come back in the house, but theres no ruling on where. Basement, guest room, couch, thats where she should be

Her lack of respect is likely the cause of the affairs. You should go back to working more, and not be so readily at home.

Reactions: 2

Shaggy

· #13 · Oct 27, 2012

File for diviorce and for spousal support, go for full custody and child support.

Let her worry about how she will put a roof over her head. She owes you and the kids, to keep you where you are now.

Also expose to the wife of the guy she slept with.

Post your wife and the OM on cheaterville.com.

You absolutely need to go nuclear on her and secure a better future for your kids and yourself.

Btw, are you sure the kids are yours? Your wife is a serial cheater without care, love or repesct for you. You might be caring for another guys kids.

See less See more

Reactions: 5

jfv

· #14 · Oct 27, 2012

MattMatt said:
Seriously? It's all HIS fault?

Not entirely certain why anyone hit 'like' on your post.

OP: Your wife chose to cheat. It is not your fault.

I think that post is coming from the "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice.... school of thought.

TBT

· #15 · Oct 27, 2012

You caught her 2 weeks ago and she opted to leave when offered the choice...with the proviso she was returning in a month.Why do you think she is doing this? Where is she staying...with OM? 4 or more times in 18 years with no attempt at self reflection and change tells me she's never been remorseful.She's of a particular mindset that has no redeeming qualities when you want an honest,respectful,strong and healthy marriage.You're going to be treated the way you allow yourself to be treated and that seems to always work in her favor...time to change that and for her to pay the piper imo.If your actions and her actions don't change this time what is there really left...18 more years of the same nonsense? Sorry for your situation,but you can choose a different path this time and I hope you do.

See less See more

alte Dame

· #16 · Oct 27, 2012

You seem to be focusing on the welfare of the kids, which is certainly a good thing, but there are many things that affect the well-being of our children.

You don't have any ideal options right now because your wife has made that impossible with her betrayals. Your children will have to be factored into this bad situation no matter what. In my opinion, your wife's moral example is potentially worse for the children than a daycare option that takes you out of their caretaking for a certain period of time a day.

You should file for divorce, get primary custody if you can, and work out the logistics re your children as well as you can. Again, there are no great options for you, just less awful ones.

Reactions: 2

Acabado

· #17 · Oct 27, 2012

Decision time, man. Lawyer time. Forget the gentleman side of you.
Nail her to the wall, direct to the yugular, shark lawyer, follow advice to a tee.
Detach from her, only texts/email, only practial things, kids schedule and logistics. Embrace the 180.
The 180 degree rules
Dads divorce
No More Mr Nice Guy

BjornFree

· #18 · Oct 27, 2012

Can't turn a hoe into a housewife, can't turn a hoe into a housewife, can't turn a hoe into a housewife, can't turn a hoe.....

Count of Monte Cristo

· #19 · Oct 27, 2012

MattMatt said:
Seriously? It's all HIS fault?

Not entirely certain why anyone hit 'like' on your post.

OP: Your wife chose to cheat. It is not your fault.

The first one was not his fault but he shares in the blame for her subsequent actions.

B1

· #20 · Oct 27, 2012

akguy said:
well, this is new for me. But I need to get it out there. Hoping it will help with the process.

I Just caught my wife of 18 years sleeping with another man 2 weeks ago. This would be the 4th time in 18 years. I suspect probably 2 others.

I am deeply in love with her but know that i cant go on living this kind of bs all the the time. My anger at her has mostly succeeded and just trying to deal now.

I am a stay at home dad for the last 3 years that works sometimes (if that makes sense..side jobs while kids at school)
I work more in the summer but am still able to do it from home with the kids.
my wife works 60+ hours a week and then frequently has to wine and dine till midnight.

I told her I wasnt leaving my kids and if she wanted to leave to go. well she did.

she wants to move back in next month...I would be on the couch of course because i am a gentleman. She legally can do this I know.
Its funny she has spent more time with the kids in the last 2 weeks than the last 3 years..prob guilt.
Any insight would be great. thanks

4 affairs? I believe you have been a gentleman long enough. You have taken that trait to the extreme.

You right, you can't go on living like this. You know what you have to do, I am sure you have read enough here to know. You are married to a serial cheater who isn't remotely sorry for what she is doing or has done.

Lawyer up as others have said. I know this is something that hurts you, and you don't feel it, but you KNOW it has to be done. Don't wait any longer, talk with a lawyer, get your options and go from there.

btw: Guilt does not equal sorry, So don't think her guilt means she is sorry for what she has done to you and your marriage.

Reactions: 1

1 - 20 of 75 Posts

Status: Not open for further replies.