Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
101 - 120 of 135 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
30 Posts
Discussion Starter #104
I think those who read about “game” take the theories way to far. While there no doubt that the OP’s boyfriend will most likely land a slightly younger, more attractive woman than his wife or OP, he’s not going to be bedding women in their 20s.

Youth is not the only thing that makes a woman attractive to a man in his 50s. I’m 56 and see some women who are my age and even slightly older who look very attractive.

I do notice that most of the guys that I know in real life who ended up divorced from wives that were all about 2 to 3 younger than them, ended up remarrying women that are about 7 to 10 years younger than their ex. Not exactly a 20 something but what man in his mid 40s to mid 50s wants to be with someone that young? I know I wouldn’t.
Here's something i find interesting - and common. Most men that i know who divorce in the second half of their lives end up with women who are less attractive than their former wives but kinder. And i see that so many times.
Hi wife is attractive, theres no denying that. with that said,she has physically changed a lot since body building competing and for the past number of years he's gone on how much it bothers him the way she looks..but knows its what she loves to do. The problem here is- you can be the most gorgeous woman in the world with a bad attitude and not kind and that makes one not attractive.
Before you say it, i will... yes, and a woman who tries to steal another womans husband is ugly too. Yes yes i know.
My point is.. being pretty is one thing but when the pretty goes away, hows your heart? are you kind? beautiful inside? I have been told many times how attractive i am.. I think i'm not ugly but i dont look at me and say 'oh girl you are hot!' I'm humble but i know who i am as a person and i know that's beautiful (let's put this one flaw away for a millisecond). Men are attracted to pretty, yes... but when you learn pretty isn't beautiful or going to make you happy and you learn what beautiful is..that's a different story.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
30 Posts
Discussion Starter #105
Yes you are competitive - you can’t stop talking about his wife, it’s creepy how obsessed you are with her. You’re competing with her alright, always have been.
I never have been. I think you're confusing explanation of things that i'm being asked about and scenarios and the situation itself with obsession. I don't need to compete. Don't ask me questions and try to figure me out and then when i do say i'm obsessed bc it's creepty the way i can't stop talking about her... this is a conversation - do you want me to not mention her when it's part of the discussion?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,525 Posts
And the cheater defense and justification goes on! Maybe you should send your husband here as you do not want to see the truth.
 
  • Like
Reactions: aine

·
Registered
Joined
·
30 Posts
Discussion Starter #108
Why do you think you're kinder?
Despite how this situation paints me - i'm a Very good person, i'm a very kind, caring, thoughtful, loving, mindful, calm, patient person. I'm not perfect, however.
Since i get chastised when i mention her I won't but ... since i know other parties in this situation on a very personal level for Years... i can say with confidence, yes..i'm kinder. MUCH kinder.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,284 Posts
Interesting. please take this the right way - i'm not saying i'm not wrong..but let me pose this and then i'll answer the question. Why is it always 'the other woman' who is the homewrecker? Why isn't the wife who has disrespected him, alientated affection from him, verbally abused her spouse and children the homewrecker. Yes, i understand - vows and he coujld have left... but honestly, if anyone wrecked a home... i'm not the one who did that. She drove that car into the ditch herself.

Now...How will i explain that to the kids? Interestingly enough -kids on his side and kids on my side have said SO many times..in effect... why dont you guys just get married? More times than i can count. Again, saying that is much different than the situation, i understand that. But believe me when i tell you - i don't see these kids having an issue. I don't want them to find out the details of course and that's my mess to clean up but i don't think these kids would be shocked and i dont think they'd be upset. If you only knew the relationships, you'd understand why i can say that.
It seems to me you have this covered from every angle. You want to view yourself as something other than what you really are. If he was so unhappy he should have left his wife.
You sound like a child who says but...
You know screwing another woman’s husband is wrong, there are NO excuses that make it ok. NONE. Not one.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,225 Posts
Despite how this situation paints me - i'm a Very good person, i'm a very kind, caring, thoughtful, loving, mindful, calm, patient person. I'm not perfect, however.
Since i get chastised when i mention her I won't but ... since i know other parties in this situation on a very personal level for Years... i can say with confidence, yes..i'm kinder. MUCH kinder.
Does his wife know he is unhappy in the marriage? Or is he pretending everything is ok? Although, 5 years of no sex speaks volumes...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
342 Posts
It’s not very kind to steal husbands.

How kind are you to YOUR man?

I’m kind I’m kind I’m kind, look at all the ‘I’m’ in your posts.

And I KNEW she was beautiful, sounds like she’s also doing a nice 180 on Mr DadBod and you and he don’t like it one bit. 😉
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
30 Posts
Discussion Starter #112
Does his wife know he is unhappy in the marriage? Or is he pretending everything is ok? Although, 5 years of no sex speaks volumes...
She knows! he's told her over and over and over and over again - he's not at all pretending everything is ok. The number of times he's expressed his frustration, his resentment about things, i can't count. The amount of times that she's expressed her frustration, her resentment is more times than ever.
Neither one of them is happy. She can't get along with any of her sons and they are Good boys - handfuls growing up but Good boys but she treats them with the same disrespect. All she knows is yelling..that's it.

Despite the amount of times her boys and husband talk to her about anything - she flips her lid.
He can't figure out why 5 years with no sex - one excuse after another with her - it hurts (so see a doctor then....no im not seeing a doctor), I'm tired (we all are), I'm not in the mood...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
30 Posts
Discussion Starter #113
It’s not very kind to steal husbands.

How kind are you to YOUR man?

I’m kind I’m kind I’m kind, look at all the ‘I’m’ in your posts.

And I KNEW she was beautiful, sounds like she’s also doing a nice 180 on Mr DadBod and you and he don’t like it one bit. 😉
what do you mean doing a nice 180 on mr dadbod?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,225 Posts
She knows! he's told her over and over and over and over again - he's not at all pretending everything is ok. The number of times he's expressed his frustration, his resentment about things, i can't count. The amount of times that she's expressed her frustration, her resentment is more times than ever.
Neither one of them is happy. She can't get along with any of her sons and they are Good boys - handfuls growing up but Good boys but she treats them with the same disrespect. All she knows is yelling..that's it.

Despite the amount of times her boys and husband talk to her about anything - she flips her lid.
He can't figure out why 5 years with no sex - one excuse after another with her - it hurts (so see a doctor then....no im not seeing a doctor), I'm tired (we all are), I'm not in the mood...
Can I ask you why he wants to stay until the boy is 18? What difference is it going to make?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,483 Posts
She knows! he's told her over and over and over and over again - he's not at all pretending everything is ok. The number of times he's expressed his frustration, his resentment about things, i can't count. The amount of times that she's expressed her frustration, her resentment is more times than ever.
Neither one of them is happy. She can't get along with any of her sons and they are Good boys - handfuls growing up but Good boys but she treats them with the same disrespect. All she knows is yelling..that's it.

Despite the amount of times her boys and husband talk to her about anything - she flips her lid.
He can't figure out why 5 years with no sex - one excuse after another with her - it hurts (so see a doctor then....no im not seeing a doctor), I'm tired (we all are), I'm not in the mood...
If their marriage is so desperately unhappy and the boys also are unhappy then there is no reason at all why he cant end it. For whatever reason he isnt. Once he has ended his marriage and yours is also ended, then you can persue this relationship, but as of now he isnt free to be with anyone else. I think he is making excuses not to end it or he would be by now.
If you want to do the right thing, tell him that you can't have a relationship with him right now as he is married. She what he does then, I suspect he will still not end his marriage. I suspect he never will.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
30 Posts
Discussion Starter #118
Can I ask you why he wants to stay until the boy is 18? What difference is it going to make?
I've asked him that many times - and it's something he's said for the past 6 years "Once he is graduated and gone, i'm out of there. i'm divorcing her when he's graduated" so...that's not just a line he's feeding me, as i've been told he is doing from replies here. I've been hearing about this for Years.
When i've asked why - his answer has remained the same "i just want my son(s) to be completely raised in the house they grew up in..i want them secure and be raised in only 1 home."
They have a beautiful home, right on the water, lots of toys, etc. It's impressive and some people need that show offy stuff when they aren't happy with themselves...
He grew up poor, very poor and didn't have what he has been able to give his sons. He wants them to have that all until they move on to the next chapter of their lives.
I get that.
He has gone over with his best guy friend -just 3 weeks ago (and for the past 8 months or so) - his plan with what he wants to keep, what to give her, he wants to give her x additional amount if she would agree to leave his pension alone, give her more than half of the house, etc. He's got the money situation all sorted out in his head.. i mean, there's been so much thought put into his departure, it's crazy. And it's not just what he's telling me...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
30 Posts
Discussion Starter #120
Especially as they are also apparently unhappy with the situation.
How can i say this without being persecuted for bringing her up. She has a ****load of friends who she puts on a good show for - she portrays herself one way as a fitness coach and everyone LOVES her - behind closed doors is different, right? She has a reputation to uphold for her business and (she had said to me Years ago..) I'd rather stay where i am and be miserable. I love my house, i'm never leaving it no matter what. People love coming over, i love showing it off and it feels good that people admire me".
Yup, good reason to stay.
 
101 - 120 of 135 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top