[Diana7]

Married men who go after other women always lie about their marriage. If she is that bad he would have left her years ago. You say it was meant to happen, no it wasnt, he isnt free to be with anyone else, he is married and still with his wife. You also are still married.

Get your divorce done, stay away from him until such a time as he is divorced and free to be with someone new, if that ever happens which I doubt. What is the difference to his child if they are 16 or 18 when the divorce happens? You know this is wrong, get your life in order and leave him to sort his out.

 

[Diana7]

I get it but I'm saying if they really are gonna make a try at it, wait until after a divorce. End it. If they are so "meant to be together" it will be able to withstand a wait. It will be quite telling what the OM does because I doubt he will go through with a divorce. I have a feeling he is a cake eater.

Yes and the OM isnt divorcing his wife.

 

[Diana7]

See above! But apparently the OM will be divorcing his wife...

So he claims, in 2 years time though. He may or he may not but until that time he is another woman's husband.

 

[Diana7]

Also, He 'hit on me' a year after my marriage fell apart. actually 15 months later. Not that the amount of time out of my marriage means anything - but thought it was noteworthy.

But he is still very much married so what does that say about him? He isnt free to be with another woman until he ends his marriage.

 

[Diana7]

This was 100% not planned, not on my radar, not anything i ever anticipated, expected.
Have we flirted for years just in a playful way? Yes. But never, ever did i expect this at all from him, not one little bit.

If he is so terribly unhappy and wants to be free to date you, there is nothing at all to stop him ending his marriage. I don't know why people think that it will suddenly make it easier on their children if they are 18 and not 16, it makes no difference. All you need to do is to say once we are both single then maybe we can see how things go. Then the ball is in his court. Right now he isn't free to be with you or flirt with you.

 

[Diana7]

Not trying to pile on, just a different pov. Here's one conversation you probably did not have. Guessing you are at least in your 40s and so is your guy. If he has done well for himself financially and has taken care of himself physically he will have access to women 20yrs younger than you. Women who don't have any connections to his old life. Women that won't bring a ton of questions as to how they got together. Are you competitive against women who are 10 or even 20 years younger? Women who have less history and baggage? I'm not saying you're a bad person, but if he gets with someone else, that makes it a whole lot easier for him with his kids, friends, family, etc...

You might be the most positive thing in his life right now but once he gets divorced you're just part of his past. You're the slice of bacon on a crap sandwich. Sometimes when people split they want to leave that old life behind........all of it. The good, bad and the ugly.

I always think it's amusing that some men seem to think that if they become divorced in their 40's or 50's they will have a queue of 20 something year old women wanting them. Unless you are mega rich and are happy to date women who just want to spend your money it just simply isn't true.

 

[Diana7]

Yes, I agree, but I also understand the OP. Two years are a long time to wait.

That's his choice isn't it.

 

[Diana7]

She knows! he's told her over and over and over and over again - he's not at all pretending everything is ok. The number of times he's expressed his frustration, his resentment about things, i can't count. The amount of times that she's expressed her frustration, her resentment is more times than ever.
Neither one of them is happy. She can't get along with any of her sons and they are Good boys - handfuls growing up but Good boys but she treats them with the same disrespect. All she knows is yelling..that's it.

Despite the amount of times her boys and husband talk to her about anything - she flips her lid.
He can't figure out why 5 years with no sex - one excuse after another with her - it hurts (so see a doctor then....no im not seeing a doctor), I'm tired (we all are), I'm not in the mood...

If their marriage is so desperately unhappy and the boys also are unhappy then there is no reason at all why he cant end it. For whatever reason he isnt. Once he has ended his marriage and yours is also ended, then you can persue this relationship, but as of now he isnt free to be with anyone else. I think he is making excuses not to end it or he would be by now.
If you want to do the right thing, tell him that you can't have a relationship with him right now as he is married. She what he does then, I suspect he will still not end his marriage. I suspect he never will.

 

[Diana7]

Can I ask you why he wants to stay until the boy is 18? What difference is it going to make?

Especially as they are also apparently unhappy with the situation.