Excellent ideas. Tomorrow, I will paint with my wife. A beginning.Why don’t you also consider taking up a new artistic hobby you can do at home? Perhaps silversmithing or some painting? You could paint some of your favorite photos you’ve taken over the years.
Haven't seen it this way before, it's usually the women who have children and put their all into the kids and forget they have a husband...when the kids are grown and out so is the forgotten husband who was ignored and alone.Sometimes @Diana I think you have led a charmed, sheltered life from the way you make comments. Loneliness is not about not having people around you. It is about whether others are actually 'present' in your life. He just said he wasn't 'present,' he was physically there but not for her. Caring for others is a lifetime job of many women, how much caring was she receiving, it seems very little? Maybe she spent years taking care of others needs not her own and no-one else took care of them either. Just because people are there physically does not mean they are actually 'present' in your life and know anything about what is going on with you. People can be married for 30 years and be very lonely because their spouse is there physically but not 'there' for them and knows nothing about what is happening with them or in their life. This is why many men are shocked when their wives up and leave them, they may have been physically there but did not actually 'see' the wife/spouse, etc. It happens. You seem to have this view that as long as a woman is surrounded by her family then she ought not to be lonely which I find quite insensitive on behalf of those in families where they are never 'seen,' but do all and sundry for everyone (I am not talking about me, but I know one or two.) Are they lonely in their families, hell yes!
There seems to be a lot of emphasis on you looking after the grandchildren and your wife not being as on board with the idea back then.I have answered the questions in the quote. Thanks. Very thought provoking.
We moved to within .08 miles from the grandkids a few years ago. We had lived where we were since 1/2000. It was the house that we raised our kids in for their 5th through 12th grade and into their college years. But, we were not involved with the community that at all as that was our traveling years and it was hard to find like couples if our age. We did use the clubhouse, spa and exercise room a lot during those years.But, in your reply to my question, you state that the drinking started before the grandchildren.
In fact it sounded more like the move to live nearer your daughter, was a big event, and that may have contributed to the start of the drinking.
Once your wife was drinking, she wouldn't be as into the grandchildren, and would probably try to escape from their demands, and into her own thoughts and feelings.
You have now seen, that your wife when sober, is connecting with them more.
i deserted her and she fell into vodka. I do believe that it was my doing as she has never drank vodka or any hard liquor. Her social drinking for 35ish years was beer and wine. I cannot believe that I missed three years of drinking. I was blind..
In this case, it's the wife who was pushed aside as the husband poured everything into caring for the grandchildren. And she probably felt neglected, lonely, and forgotten. He was so focused on being Grandpa that he forgot to be Husband and Lover and Friend to his wife.
Do get the book His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley. You both need to see what a healthy marriage looks like. But, I also strongly recommend his other book, titled Lovebusters. There may be things that you're both doing that are draining the love from your marriage.
I couldn’t find the Price is Right video anywaysOP, please go through your thread and delete every reference that can identify you and your wife for anonymity purposes. Luckily for you, I'm on my meds today so won't be making that 20-25 minute drive to your front door. Seriously, you never know what some deranged person will do with your private data.
Are you talking about Phil's B'BQ?
An interesting question and one that no doubt people will use the human rights violation argument for. IMO if you can not afford kids you should not have them and then expect the state, your parents etc to take care of them. I would like to have at least 4 kids but could not afford to educate so many so stopped at 2. We live in a country with no welfare system. You don’t work, you starve, simple. So we worked to give our 2 kids a good start in life. i know someone who had 6 kids from 2 fathers and is struggling to take care of them. I’m sorry I have no sympathy for that. One must take responsibility for ones actions and decisions and not expect others to take up the slack for your decisions.So if you live in a country that has high house prices and rents and the cost of child care is high, no one should have children? People are waiting far later than they used to to have children, but still often struggle to manage. To just declare that they shouldnt have ever have had children is rather c drastic. Many grandparents love to help out anyway, that relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren is so very special. Plus it keeps them young which is a big plus.
I agree with this, so regimented, like fitting in the most important person into a schedule. maybe it’s a Navy thing. Why should she be available according to YOUR schedule? What about her schedule and needs? If you give 2 hrs per day that is only 14 per week, the bare minimum according to some marriage gurus. When would she and you sleep?I would honestly run if my partner had a schedule for our time together. Give the woman a break and find something to occupy your time. And nothing is wrong with watching your grandchildren. Your life, your choice.