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Hello everyone here,

I am feeling so overwhelmed right now,I tried to think of someone i could speak too, someone i loved and trusted and i couldnt think of anyone (other then my husband). Which is slightly ironic because my fear lies with him.

Pretty much ever since we have been married I have been feeling anxious and overwhelmed which has led me to feeling depressed. I was unhappy with my own life, things werent going well with my family of origin and there was alot of stress and also I was not working with lots of time to think.

I think I have become slightly depressed possibly and I am questioning my life, my relationship with my husband seems to be the main focus of my questioning.

When we are together i feel emmense love and a bond so special, I wonder why he loves me so unconditionally, and I cannot accept it. I guess I am looking for problems and pushing him away, the thoughts of anything ever happening to him brings me to tears but equally in the same hour I will think do i love him enough, do i need to leave this marriage.

I look to him for every aspect of my happiness and if i am not happy i look to him for answers why ( in my mind that is)

I literally cannot do this anymore to myself mentally, I am so drained, I am so sad because of my thoughts, I will be rubbing his hands and crying thinking why am I thinking this.

I have spoken to him about this before, he is extremely understanding which makes it all the worse, I just feel so crazy.
 

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I think tonight was the first night that I actually have decided this is anxiety and I need to find a solution as I dont want to deal with it anymore, I am crying alot, if not about this about the past and people who used to be close to me such as my old best friend who we dont talk anymore, I feel like what is wrong with me, I am pregnant I should be so happy, why am I not (of course i am happy some of the time and genuinely over the moon about our baby) but i put so much pressure on myself for answers when I am not.....
 

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You sound codependent. What was your parents' marriage like? You have a fear of abandonment and right now you are vulnerable. It's hard to feel dependent already and then add in needing someone when you are pregnant and a new mom and it has to feel overwhelming.
Read what you can about codependency now because once the baby comes you don't know how much energy you will have for reading!
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Hello Diwali123,
thanks for your reply. My parents marriage was bad, they broke up when I was 12, it upset me an awful lot from the age of 18 when i processed it, it still does.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
so why did this all surface after we got married...or am i just attaching importance to that event in my head.
 

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I am a normally anxiety-ridden/depressed person. I can usually keep it together well, but in times of stress and change, it easily overwhelms me.

When I was pregnant, both times, and especially towards the end of both pregnancies I was a mess. My anxiety and depression overwhelmed me. I remember some of the things swirling thru my mind at that time...scary.

I assume you are seeing an OB regularly for medical care. Please, please tell them about this. It is common for pregnancy to bring this out, and your OB can assist you in finding a therapist or medication for it. I wish that I had talked to mine about it when I was pregnant. I knew I was having problems but I was too ashamed and proud to talk about it with my doctor. I thought I would be cast as the worlds worst mother, because every other 36 week PG lady I talked to was soooo freaking excited about her life and her new baby.

Please talk to your doctor, they can help you with this.
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How old are you?
When your parents divorced it was traumatic. You learned that marriages don't always last. You were hurt and split inside and felt it might be your fault, you were angry at then and life. It's hard to trust now that the same thing isn't going to happen to you and your husband. Our emotional brains don't forget this stuff. Any event that is similar will trigger it. Chances are you lived with mom and felt the loss of dad so now you are afraid of losing your husband. There you go, years of therapy in a nutshell.
I has similar issues, not only did my parents divorce but I divorced. I thought I'd be ok getting married again but it hit me like a ton of bricks. I went through a lot of the sane with feeling so much love, then feeling scared, then feeling like it wasn't right and back again.
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thank you so much for your replies, it does make sense what you are saying Diwali123 I have thought that could be the source, as when i start journalling about my issues with my husband it always ends up about my own family if you know what I mean.

I just have to let go... I will speak to my consultant about this, I have an appointment on Monday and maybe he can help me.

I worry about worrying and thats not good for my little baby, I agree the last few weeks are really the hardest. I read that ur hormones are at there highest peak.

I have emailed a old best friend in the middle of the night, we used be real close, I travelled to new york from ireland to her wedding and she didnt really make time for me at all when I got there, she never even sent me a card for my wedding a few months later. Also her mother spoke some **** about my husband which was totally uncalled for as he is the best and most genuine caring man, I was so hurt and confused about this and it did get my down....see letting people upset me its funny really.

This was not my friends fault I spoke to her and she said oh my mom was just drunk etc shes out of line, since then my friend and I have had odd chats, she will email me I wud get back and she would completely ignore me again it went on like that for a while.

Then when I got pregnant I did get a couple of comments saying you look great, best wishes with the baby etc etc, but i had never let go of the hurt and the fact that i felt she had really changed, I dunno so i emailed her and told her how i felt and I felt she was fake.

She relplied saying I need to grow up and my efforts should be focused on becoming a new mammy and this is supposed to be an exciting time- she should be the last thing on my mind.

This made me feel unbeleivably ****, like I am a bad person that i feel this way and its not normal, why amnt I happier about it all, well this is bull because to be honest I am so in love with my baby and I am happy about it all, but again this is me feeding into **** and beating myself up about it.

To make things worse i spoke to another friend I have about it and through the conversation she was like your number 1 is your baby and loving husband!! I feel like yes I do not need to be told that if you know what I mean, it added to making me feel like I was the one with the issue, so add hormones to the equation and you have an anxiety ridden pregnant woman who is hormonal lol.

I find this site very supportive as people usually give comments and know what they are talking about...its so great to have it right now, I wish i didnt feel stress or i wish noone felt stress its the worst feeling and half the time its us making life harder for ourselves for whatever reeason posiiblly the reasons you cited Diwali123.

thank you so much for the feedback.xxxx
 

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Your 36 weeks pregnant....cut yourself some slack. Its easier sad than done but once your baby is born you won't sweat the small stuff.
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Just my opinion but I think your worrying too much about your friends opinions too much. You seem a little sensitive, which is perfectly understandable being how far along you are in your pregnancy. In the long run if they are truly your friends they have your best interests at heart. Yes your child, your health and your husband are the most important thing in your life right now. This being your first child your stress level is high but you should take sometime and enjoy the peace and quiet time you have right now. Trust me I know, my wife and I have one son who just turned two and our other son just turned one.
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thats true richie, i am being senstive but i think her reply was looking to erk me a bit and your right that is not a true friend, i will try to find the calm inside me somewhere it just seems a bit lost right now for some reason, I was totally fine the first and second trimester now i am a total wreck.

I feel kind of vunerable and the commnets about me not putting efforts into becoming a mother totally got to me, i suppose that is why she said it.

I will look back on all this and laugh, I totally hear you that I should be relaxing now, your right.
 

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its just i feel espicially women should understand that it is a stressful as well as exciting time and not make you feel like ****, when they say your number 1 is your man and your baby I feel yes of course, i dont have to justify that just because i have feelings if you know what i mean.
 

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but when i am justifying it i feel like something is wrong that i get so offended and feel i have to justify it if you know what i mean,,,,oh lord lol.
 

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your right though its too much time to think as when baby is here i wont have time for this.
You have no idea how true this is.

I just wanted to pop in and say yes you are codependent. And yes you are vulnerable now and that has spiked your anxiety. I can totally relate because I feel the same way except in my case it's because my husband just left for 11 weeks. My therapist says I have fear of abandonment and separation anxiety.

My cure is to keep busy, try not to focus on him all the time and of course continue to try to fix it in therapy.
 
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