Hi, I have been with my husband 33 years - married for 30 of them. We have 2 grown up children living at home (30 and 22) and a 3 year old granddaughter also living at home (i am her full- time carer ehile my son is at work) I am 51, my husband is 55.
For 33 years I have been totally faithful, I have stood by my husband through affairs (mostly online), unemployment, PTSD, alcohol and drug issues. I myself suffer severe depression and anxiety. I lost my mum when i was 10 and my dad 9 years ago.
I think I have abandonment issues and that is why i had put up with my husbands **** for so long, i cling onto things that make me feel safe. Due to his previous cheating and my depression and meds we havent had sex in 7 years. I understand his need to be fulfilled sexually but i just cannot provide that at the moment.
Last week i found a profile of his on a swingers forum, with some **** pics and laying bare all the things he wants to do etc. The profile was made a year ago but he still had notifications for it (that's how i found it - yeah i 'snooped' (as he put it)). I challenged him about the profile and he was (obv) defensive, then said he wanted to have an open relationship so he can have sex with people as i cant give it to him and he NEEDS sex. So i asked him if his **** meant more to him than his family and home. I guess the answer was yes as he has left.
I dont know if I'm angry or sad or relieved or what. Looking after a 3 year old means i have barely had the time to think it through.
He is not the person i thought i knew, i am repulsed at what i saw, but i am a realist and as he said - most men would have left years ago.
He says i am still his best friend and wants to maintain that just not be together and he doesnt want a divorce. So he gets to move out, have peace and quiet, shag around, do whatever, come back to his home when he wants.
He told my daughter earlier that he feels 'chilled' because he's not bull****ting himself anymore.
I am totally crushed, I need advice on where i go from here 😞
Sorry for the long post
For 33 years I have been totally faithful, I have stood by my husband through affairs (mostly online), unemployment, PTSD, alcohol and drug issues. I myself suffer severe depression and anxiety. I lost my mum when i was 10 and my dad 9 years ago.
I think I have abandonment issues and that is why i had put up with my husbands **** for so long, i cling onto things that make me feel safe. Due to his previous cheating and my depression and meds we havent had sex in 7 years. I understand his need to be fulfilled sexually but i just cannot provide that at the moment.
Last week i found a profile of his on a swingers forum, with some **** pics and laying bare all the things he wants to do etc. The profile was made a year ago but he still had notifications for it (that's how i found it - yeah i 'snooped' (as he put it)). I challenged him about the profile and he was (obv) defensive, then said he wanted to have an open relationship so he can have sex with people as i cant give it to him and he NEEDS sex. So i asked him if his **** meant more to him than his family and home. I guess the answer was yes as he has left.
I dont know if I'm angry or sad or relieved or what. Looking after a 3 year old means i have barely had the time to think it through.
He is not the person i thought i knew, i am repulsed at what i saw, but i am a realist and as he said - most men would have left years ago.
He says i am still his best friend and wants to maintain that just not be together and he doesnt want a divorce. So he gets to move out, have peace and quiet, shag around, do whatever, come back to his home when he wants.
He told my daughter earlier that he feels 'chilled' because he's not bull****ting himself anymore.
I am totally crushed, I need advice on where i go from here 😞
Sorry for the long post