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He has been texting an old high school "friend" because she just got sober from alcohol and "needs support." Over 8,000 messages last month!!!!!!!!!!!

He has been gone a lot lately on seemingly legit reasons but comes home way later than what it should take. When I checked the phone records, their text messages stop during these times. Normally he is texting her from the time he gets to work (7 am) til he goes to sleep! Im talking about texting during dinner with me, while he is in bed next to me, CONSTANT!

He has gone back and forth between being distant toward me and being sweeter than usual... The times I have brought up how uncomfortable this has made me feel, he turns it around and says I don't let him have friends.

It's been going on over a month now and I stopped talking about it and stopped checking the phone records.

I just feel so horrible. I am 99% sure he has met up with her at LEAST once. Even if he hasn't he is killing me with his lack of consideration and attention.

I asked him if he could just not text her during meals and when we are in bed together and he complained that it's the nly time he really has because he works so much. Then continues to do it.

I saw one day on his lock screen a message came through from her saying something like: Goodnight babyluv xoxoxo.

Of course I immediately confronted him about it and he said there was no message!!!! Then he later claimed it was meant to be sent to her boyfriend and she accidentally sent it to him.

He changed the settings on his phone so that no message preview shows on the lock screen.

Then a few days ago I saw over his shoulder she said "what are you doing babe"

He always turns his phone away from me when he is texting her now, but not when he's texting others....

I am not in any position to be able to leave if I did have proof which makes me feel so much worse. I wish he would just tell me the truth.....

I don't know what to do. I feel like I hate him so much right now but I am trying to love him and believe him but my gut tells me he is lying and something is going on. He acts like I'm crazy.
 

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There's not much we can help with if you're not willing to stand up for yourself. You're the only one who can do that. Sorry you're in the situation you are. :-(

C
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Standard evidence post pasted below. Just do it. Its step by step.

Your wife is acting funny. Her phone and email suddenly have passwords you don't know. She shuts down phone apps or changes windows on the computer whenever you enter the room. She is suddenly staying out until 2 to 5 in the morning. She has new single friends. She has lost weight and is dressing hotter to boot. Her ex contacted her 3 weeks ago and she wants “to meet to catch up at some public place” “I love you but not in love with you.” or version thereof. Any of this sound familiar? If your wife comes home from an alone time does she immediately change liners, change panties possibly even immediately laundering them?, shower? This can be an after the fact clean up.

If you are reading this your gut is going crazy. “Relax”, in that there is a high liklihood that you are not crazy at least. “Your gut” is your basic instinct from the caveman period. There is something up with your mate. It is part of your mind built into you and in your DNA. You probably cant sleep. You are losing weight like crazy and are not hungry. Well if you are reading this and that is 90% of you reading this if its your first time... You are embarking on what is probably going to be the worst time of your life.

Chin up, yes I know it is damn near impossible to believe now, but I and the people at TAM here have taken dozens of men through this process. Some reconcile, most dont in the long run so be aware. Most of us hang around this grim grim place for a sense of “pay it forward” and “getting at the truth” Even in divorce, the long run the majority find love again... yes really. Often selecting a far far better future companion. Read poster BFF for a thread of disaster, divorce, recovery, and a new wonderful woman in his life. Younger and hotter, yes, but also one with better boundaries, often a far far better personality match. Oh and they get to go through that first time with her after the first I love you's have been exchanged. Just know, that for the majority, even if the marriage crashes, in six months, a year, maybe two you will wonder how you got so far so fast and how great your new life is. You will also be MUCH MUCH stronger as a person.

So. Here are your instructions. Do this now. I dont mean next week. I mean make something up within the next day and GET IT DONE! Not looking will only prolong your agony.
Rule 1 for this.
SHUT UP. Eyes open. YOUR mouth closed. confronting only makes them better at hiding.
Rule 2 for this.
SHUT UP. Eyes open. YOUR mouth closed. confronting only makes them better at hiding.
Rule 3 for this.
SHUT UP. Eyes open. YOUR mouth closed. confronting only makes them better at hiding.

NO MORE CONFRONTS!! Play dumb husband for a bit. Dont drive her further underground! Soft confronts with little evidence RARELY WORK AND ONLY MAKE GETTING AT THE TRUTH HARDER!!! THIS PROLONGS YOUR AGONY!

Buy 2 sony ICDPX312 or ICDPX333 voice activated recorders. Best Buy sells them for like 50 bucks. DO NOT BUY a cheap VAR. SONY SONY SONY. USE LITHIUM batteries. We have examples of 25 hour recordings using them on these sony recorders. My icon here IS a Sony ICDPX312. No I do not have stock in nor work for Sony.

Setup instructions are on page 19. Also good stuff on page 31.
Use 44K bit rate for balancing file size vs quality DO NOT USE 8K!!!!! Simply put. The higher the quality the better the sound and 8K sucks. ALSO. The higher the quality the more you can manipulate the mp3 in Audacity.
Set VOR "on" see page 38
See page 40 for adding memory if necessary
Play with it yourself to get familiar. TEST IT OUT
Turn off the beep feature. Its on one of the menus. You can even play prevent defense by going to a dollar store, buying uber-cheapie earbuds, cut off the buds but put in the jack which will actually disable the speaker for additional protection.

Go to Walmart and buy heavy duty velcro.
This is one item: Velcro Heavy-Duty Hook and Loop Fastener VEK90117: Office : Walmart.com
also
Purchase VELCRO Hook and Loop Fasteners, Sticky-Back, for less at Walmart.com. Save money. Live better.
The velcro is usually in the fabric section or less often in the aisle with the fasteners like screws. The velcro pack is mostly blue with a yellow top. Clear pack shows the vecro color which is black or white.

Use the velcro to attach the var under her seat UP INSIDE. SECURE IT WELL!!!!!! So well even a big bump wont knock it off. attach one side HD velcro from Walmart to back. USE BIG PIECE
attach other side HD velcro again UP INSIDE car seat. ATTACH THE CRAP out of it. It needs to stay put going over big potholes or railroad tracks.

Put the second VAR in whatever room she uses to talk in when you are not around. If you are a typical man, use your size advantage to put it someplace she cant reach, even on a chair. Beware spring cleaning season if she does it.

I recommend exporting the sound files to your comp. The recorder is very cumbersome for playback.

Amazon has a pen VAR that can be placed in a purse or other small place to get remote conversations. Yes the pen works.

IMPORTANT warning. If you hear another man and perhaps a little kissing or activity... STOP Listening and have a trusted friend listen and tell you what went on. Knowing she is a cheat will kill you. Hearing her moan while another man is inside her will murder you to your very soul!!!!!! You are not strong enough to hear that. Dont try it. I know what I am talking about in this.

If you need clean up the recordings get Audacity. Its free from the internet. I have used it on var work for others here to remove things like engine noise. If needed, I have done var work for four men here. RDMU is the only one who has released some of the confidentiality.

Lets be very clear about what the VAR is for and is not for. It will not be court admissible evidence. It is not for the confrontation. IT IS TO GET YOU AHEAD OF THE AFFAIR so you can gain other real evidence by knowing the who and when. NEVER MENTION YOUR VAR EVIDENCE. As far as the cheater is concerned, they were seen by a PI or something NOT your VAR!!

The ezoom GPS has been found to be easy to buy at Radio shack and useful. There is even a locator webpage you can track with. Amazon sells a semen detection kit called checkmate.

Look for a burner phone. This is a second phone from a prepay service just used for cheating communications. That is often why wives let the husband "see their phone" They don't use their main phone for cheating purposes.

There is an app out there called teensafe. Its for both Iphone and Android. It monitors texts, GPS and facebook. Needs no jailbreak. Not perfect and delayed but no jailbreak required.

Look for apps on her phone like words with friends. It has a non traceable texting feature.
Here is a list 25 Apps to Help You Cheat On Your Girlfriend | Complex

If he uses chrome or firefox, there is probably a list of saved passwords you can look at. Even if his email isn't saved there, people usually only use a couple of different passwords, so one from the list might work.

For firefox it's Tools -> Options -> Security -> Saved Passwords

For Chrome it's the little box with three bars in the top right -> Settings - Show advanced settings -> Managed saved passwords

If paternity is in doubt, (gredit graywolf2) SNP Microarray: Unlike amniocentesis, a non-invasive prenatal paternity test does not require a needle inserted into the mother’s womb. The SNP microarray procedure uses new technology that involves preserving and analyzing the baby’s DNA found naturally in the mother’s bloodstream. The test is accurate, 99.9%, using a tiny quantity of DNA — as little as found in a single cell.

Credit john1068
Is her internet browsers set up to use Google as the default search engine? And does she use a gmail account? If so, she can delete here browser history all she wants, that only deletes the history that is localbin the browser itself...

On ANY computer, navigate to https://google.com/history. Log in using her gmail credentials and you'll have all history right there. Cant be deleted unless your wife logs in this same way...she'd only be deleting Chrome, IE, or Firefox history, not the Google history when deleting within the browser itself.

There does not appear to be a function within the Android OS that allows the recall of deleted info as is found on IOS. However, even on Android, When a text is deleted, the OS simply "loses" the address to where it is on the memory chip, but it's still there.

Go to your computer and navigate to Dr. Fone for Android @ Dr.Fone for Android - Android Phone & Tablet Data Recovery SoftwareAndroid Phone Data Recovery.

You can download a trial version if you're operating system is XP/Vista/Win 7/Win 8 all on either 32 or 64 bit.

Download the program to your computer, open it, connect the Android phone to the computer via the micro USB cable and follow the instructions on the Dr. Fone program. You can recover deleted SMS, MMS, photos (yes, this includes SnapChats), vids, and documents.

Not everything is recoverable because the operating system continues to overwrite the data so if you don't recover this data on a regular basis, you may miss some pieces...

But there are also many Android apps that store deleted files and texts, even some that allow you to download and HID the app (ex. ).

They are also in her Spotlight Search...don't even need to connect to a computer. All deleted texts are still held onto. Type in the contact TELEPHONE number and every text, even the deleted ones, will show up in the search.

IOS 7 from any home screen put your finger in the middle of the screen and swipe downward. Enter the telephone number and start reading the hits.

IOS 6 from the first home screen, swipe left, enter the telephone number and start reading the hits.

Credit rodphoto 01162014
After researching the web for countless hours about software to find deleted messages on my wife's iphone I figured out this super easy method.

From the home screen swipe left to right until the spotlight page appears. Its a screen with the key board at bottom and a box at the top that says "search iphone" type your typical search words, anything sexual etc... All past messeges containing the search word will appear on a list, deleted or not. You'll only get the first line but that is usually enough. Just busted my wife again doing this a few days ago!

Rugs: swipe left on your first page of the main menu.

"spotlight search" under settings -> general -> spotlight search has to show "messages" as ticked.

Right here, right now: Taking screenshots on iOS devices -> hold down home button and press sleep button. The screenshot will be placed under your photo album.

Also there is an app to "stitch" messages like a panoramic photo, but only for iPad. go to app store and search "stitch". Damn it's 4 am. i need to go to bed.

Note that this applies only to Spotlight Search in IOS 6 and lower. For IOS 7 running on Iphone 4 and 5, put your finger in the middle of any of the home screens and swipe downward.

Type in the search string you want (telephone number, contact name, keyword, etc) and it will search every instance in the iPhone where that appears.

You may FIRST want to go into the Settings>General>Spotlight Search and then check or uncheck the areas that you want to search - make certain that "messages" and "mail" are CHECKED or else your search will not look into these areas. The same info is on the spot light on the ipad too ! If the settings isnt checked off, you can find all the same history!

Credit tacoma 03072014

This Google search history page weightlifter mentioned here doesn't just record the search term it records everything spoken into Google Now by voice command. There is a text read out for everything spoken into the phone through Google Now and since Androids later versions have integrated Google Now right into the OS just about everything spoken into an Android phone is saved at https://google.com/history

Commands to call me, entire voice texts, everything said into the phone is right here. I don't even know how it could be deleted if you wanted to. Considering almost everyone has an Android phone and voice command is becoming more popular this is a nice tool for a BS. It even has every Google Maps/Navigator GPS search saved.
 

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Just bookmarked ^that. Feel like I should have done it forever ago.

And just maybe... someday... I'll earn myself a spot in the "end credits" section. ;)
 

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Just bookmarked ^that. Feel like I should have done it forever ago.

And just maybe... someday... I'll earn myself a spot in the "end credits" section. ;)
Okay. Revise, edit, concentrate, and condense the apple phone/ IPAD section. Its long/ wordy / repeats and from a dozen posts.

Ill add your name.

Apple is a weakness of mine. I'm a Samsung guy.

note Im kinda busy starting tomorrow thru sunday. Not ignoring. Busy.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
He came home at 12:30 am last Thursday night (July 3) and I just knew he had been with her. I noticed his boxer color when he came in the room. I went to ppe (8 months pregnant!!!) and heard him open the drawer, came out and he had changed his boxers. I

I was up all night knowing that I would find something (he doesn't like to take off his underwear during sex) Next morning I find the boxers in the laundry while he's on the toilet and the d*ck hole was covered in BLOOD!!!!!!!!!! Period blood from his girlfriend!!!!!!!!

I went into the bathroom while hes taking sh*t and see that his d*ck is covered in blood too!!! He seriously told me that he cut his finger and wiped it on his boxers and that there was no blood on his d*ck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 There was blood in his nail beds FROM FINGERING HER THERE WAS NO CUT!!!!!!

He had every excuse in the world for every piece of evidence I had... I told him im not f*ing stupid and will never believe his BS.

Later that day I found a starbucks cup in the car with HER NAME ON IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He tried to say it was his and he just gave her name because he was on the phone with her.....

I don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have nowhere to go.... I hate him so much right now and Ive just been tryin to play it cool, told him I will try to get over it (he still denies it and says im crazy)


Im feeling suicidal (won't do it because I have a kid to take care of) every day I daydream about leaving him but he would freak out.
 

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You told him you would try to get over it????

Girl, you know he's cheating! Why are you letting him run over you? Kick his butt to the curb! Seriously. I agree with PBear, you're not even standing up for yourself. I mean come on, letting him text another woman ALL day, even at dinner? You're just letting him have his affair.

In a normal marriage, a man should not even be sharing private texts with a woman AT ALL. You have let WAY too much go on. It will continue if you don't stand up for yourself. Yes, he is cheating, and you are letting him.
 

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You say you have nowhere to go, but you absolutely need to reorient your thinking at this point.

Get very cold and logical and try to devise an exit plan. You need to define options for yourself so that you can have the strength to detach from him. Call around to get some free legal consults on separation and divorce. Find out what your rights are.

At the moment, he has the upper hand because he knows that you feel trapped. Untrap yourself. Call some attorneys. There is always a way out. You are not in prison. No one says you have to live with this disrespect and betrayal.
 

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I don't know what to do. I feel like I hate him so much right now but I am trying to love him and believe him but my gut tells me he is lying and something is going on. He acts like I'm crazy.
Can you not move in with a relative for now?

I would be moving out so fast your head would spin.

Don't argue, don't do the snooping thing.. just quietly leave while he's out of the house.

Stay with a sister, a parent, anything.
 

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Well congratulations on your new baby! Please focus on your health right now. Your baby is making very important developmental changes these last 10 weeks so please don't forget to eat.

Small meals are fine. Bananas, yogurt, ......anything you can eat for nutrition is important.

Is this your first baby?

How long have you been married?

Yes, your husband is cheating and it is unforgivable that any man would cheat on his pregnant wife. I think it beats the best friend affair.

Just terrible.

You should try and detach from the emotional stuff for now and concentrate on baby.

Do you have a supportive family or a best friend with good common sense?

You need help in a major way so don't be shy asking for it.

Whatever your situation, you should consult so lawyer and find out your divorce options.

I can't give you reconciliation advice because IMO, there is no other option for a piece of Sh!t like your husband.

My husband was an a$$hole too so you are in good company here.

I don't know your home life as far as other children or jobs.....but you should have some sort of trusted help for yourself.

IMO, your husband has put you and your baby under terrible stress at such a delicate health time. I think it's absolutely criminal.

A$$hole

I do hope you eventually divorce his sorry a$$.

AND don't believe his bullsh!t. That's adding 1,000 times more insult on top of the already disgusting cheating he is doing. UGG.

I'm not religious AT ALL but I feel like saying "I'll pray for you" because you are in a horrible situation.

When this baby is born and you are rested up a bit, make his life hell.

Blow up this affair to the end of the earth.
 

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He is clearly cheating on you. Not just that but he is doing it in the most obvious way possible it seems..and while you're pregnant to boot! This man doesn't love you at all or he would never do something this blatantly disrespectful to you, especially at this delicate time in your lives. That has no bearing on you in any way. That is HIS issue. Please do not internalize his behavior and put it on yourself. My advice to you is to leave. With how sloppy he is being with the cheating it's possible that he WANTS you to leave or he just thinks you are incredibly naive. He is only going to do what you allow him to do. You teach people how to treat you. For some reason this man thinks he can walk all over you. Have you taught him that? You obviously know what's going on so what are you going to do about it? I would show him the door... like YESTERDAY! Find some support and throw his sorry ass to the curb! Don't let his behavior taint the beauty that's about to come to you through the birth of your precious baby! Good luck.
 

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I forgot to mention that you need to be cautious of having sex with him. Especially while you're pregnant because he is clearly having sex with her without protection. Protect your baby even if you don't care about yourself. Think about your child..
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Of course I WANT to leave. But it's not that simple. I am trying to come up with strategies but my friends and family are on the other side of the country. W

We are not married... So there's no real divorce issue.

The issue is that he is kind of crazy. If I leave there is no telling what he will do. I have to be very careful about how I handle the situation.

Of course I would LOVE to b*tch slap him and tell him to GTFO but he will make my life a living hell. Call CPS, cops, whoever and whatever he can do to make my life miserable....

I am trying to put aside some cash but there's not much chance for that.

I don't have a car, job, friends, family.... I live in the BOONDOCKS. And I'm 8 months pregnant!!! I am trying 180... It's my only hope right now. Also trying to get into counseling.

Getting tested for STD's because I think I slept with him before I knew he was cheating.

It's easy to say I should leave and that is what I would tell anyone else in my situation, but it's REALLY not that simple :(

I hope he will just break up with me but it seems unlikely.

My thinking is not clear and so I don't want to do anything too quickly, I really need a solid plan. I'm going to my counselor soon and talk it out with her....

Any advice on the 180? It's hard because I am the talkative type to chit chat with him.

I am also having crazy visions of him f*ing her bloody p*ssy and it's driving me crazy.

I am ok mot of the time, trying to stay un-stressed for the baby and my 3.5 yo son (different dad, cheated on me ALL THE TIME(.

I'm hoping to get out on my own and stay single. UGH!!!!!!!!
 
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