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Discussion Starter #1
To Summarize: We are both Divorced and each have 2 kids, we live separately. I have been financially looking after her as best I can, paying rent, etc.. Im not exactly financially stable. She broke up cause I couldn’t buy a house and I haven’t reached financial stability yet.
She goes into Deep depression, everytime she gets depressed she leaves me, that about 5x a year for 2 day or 1 week then we get back together. It’s a terrible feeling especially when I love her so much and love the kids.
She broke again this time but I feel like it’s the last straw! I love her and want to show her I’m with her no matter what. She had gone to therapy once and the Dr. was terrible, I don’t think she will ever go again. No idea what to do...
 

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Chances are nothing will ever change. Is this the type of relationship you want for the rest of your life? Do you want this type of instability for your kids? She would end up being a step-parent and, if it's not already, her actions will affect your kids.

For things to change, your GF needs to be ready and willing to get help for her mental health, and she may have more than depression. Does she take any medications for her depression? If not, she needs to. If yes, then she needs to speak with her doctor because it doesn't sound like it's working well enough for her. She also needs to get back into therapy. I understand that she had a bad experience with a therapist/doctor but that is not an excuse to never go back.

You cannot force her to get better. You can encourage and guide her but you cannot force her. She has to come to that decision on her own. If she won't, then you need to decide where your boundaries are. If you are unwilling to put up with this, then you need to make that clear. Set an end date and stick to that. If she doesn't get help in x amount of time, then you are done.

You really need to stop enabling her. Why are you paying her rent? Is she not working due to her depression? You realize it sounds like she's only with you for money, right? Why should she work on herself when you pay her rent, her bills AND put up with her unhealthy behavior?
 

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Well as much as YOU want to stay with her, if she is this unstable with her depression, I don't think there is much you CAN do. A relationship being 1-sided like this is no relationship.
Her breaking up because you can't buy a house -- sounds like YOU are her ATM and NOT her LTR. She wants YOU to pay the bills for her and her kids from what you've written, but isn't happy with that and wants more. If this is true, do you really want a relationship that is SO tilted to her side of things?
 

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Discussion Starter #4
unfortunately she only finished high school and her kids are young and can’t leave them alone.
I treat her kids like mine, love them to bits.
Her behavior affects both our kids.. her kids are even scared to answer back “ I love you “ on the phone, I think she told them off for that.
When I ask to to maybe seek help she starts saying I’m calling her crazy..
Im hoping to go through this week without trying to contact her, maybe it really is time to try to let go but then I think of her kids and how I Love her.
My kids are suffering seeing what I’m going though, feeling depressed and not in a mood to do anything..
 

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You know, you guys are not married. I get that you love her. But what you don't understand is that you cannot FORCE her to get help.

You could help her if she wanted to get better, and you so want that to happen... but she does not really want help...

I get it, i have been there and stayed there for a long time.

It will never, more than likely get better. And she is the one that has to WANT and get help to get better.

You need to run. You don't need this in your life and you cannot fix it. I tried, brother it is not worth it.

Let her go and move on...
 

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You know, you guys are not married. I get that you love her. But what you don't understand is that you cannot FORCE her to get help.

You could help her if she wanted to get better, and you so want that to happen... but she does not really want help...

I get it, i have been there and stayed there for a long time.

It will never, more than likely get better. And she is the one that has to WANT and get help to get better.

You need to run. You don't need
You know, you guys are not married. I get that you love her. But what you don't understand is that you cannot FORCE her to get help.

You could help her if she wanted to get better, and you so want that to happen... but she does not really want help...

I get it, i have been there and stayed there for a long time.

It will never, more than likely get better. And she is the one that has to WANT and get help to get better.

You need to run. You don't need this in your life and you cannot fix it. I tried, brother it is not worth it.

Let her go and move on...
I’m wondering why she hasn’t blocked me on What’s App and still checking what “Status” I put.
It’s difficult to truly Love a person so much and I know the right thing is to maybe just let go.
I don’t think this time she wants us to get back together.. I think it’s over..
 

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Discussion Starter #9
She doesn’t believe she needs any fixing ... she doesn’t believe she needs a therapist..
 

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You aren't married. You have been paying her rent for her. She broke up with you because you couldn't afford to buy a house and you LOVE HER?

Shaking my head at how you could even like someone like this.
 

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Honestly, if SHE isn't willing to do the work to improve herself (and it's HER, NOT your relationship if even her kids are afraid of her), nothing you can do about this.
I know you feel awful, like you are "abandoning" her kids, but you can't be a KISA to everyone.
 

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I even opened a small restaurant to get extra income and stability unfortunately with this whole Covid situation I had to close.
I feel it’s unfair especially when I gave my true love to her and kids.
She will always blame me for the break up that I couldn’t do enough and couldn’t give her what she wanted.. I think it really is time to move on. I hope I will and can 🙏
 

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I even opened a small restaurant to get extra income and stability unfortunately with this whole Covid situation I had to close.
I feel it’s unfair especially when I gave my true love to her and kids.
She will always blame me for the break up that I couldn’t do enough and couldn’t give her what she wanted.. I think it really is time to move on. I hope I will and can 🙏
Dude, you don't get it... She has been using you as her Knight In Shining Armor the whole time you are together. You are paying her rent, for her and HER Kids?

Did you guys even have sex? You have basically been paying her to be your friend.

She is damaged goods and you need to wake up to that. You think you are in love with her, how much more in love would you be if you were actually with someone that loved you and wanted to take care of you...

We are all telling you that 1) she has huge issues, 2) you are and have been being played.

Do you understand what people are saying to you???
 

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Well as much as YOU want to stay with her, if she is this unstable with her depression, I don't think there is much you CAN do. A relationship being 1-sided like this is no relationship.
Her breaking up because you can't buy a house -- sounds like YOU are her ATM and NOT her LTR. She wants YOU to pay the bills for her and her kids from what you've written, but isn't happy with that and wants more. If this is true, do you really want a relationship that is SO tilted to her side of things?
Also supporting her puts you in the 2 steps forward, 1.5 steps back.

I sympathize with other people's weaknesses but I'm not going let it be a drag on my life.

If you do start dating someone new, don't talk about how much you supported this woman.
 

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She doesn’t believe she needs any fixing ... she doesn’t believe she needs a therapist..
They never do.... that is their "normal." You though.... are the one that needs fixing.

That's the game plan they use. Sound familiar?
 

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unfortunately she only finished high school and her kids are young and can’t leave them alone.
How old are her children?

How old is she?

just realized that you are in Azerbaijan. This could change things some.

How easy is it tor women there to find jobs? How about childcare for someone to watch their children?

Is there any kind of welfare and food assistance to help women who are single mothers?

Where is the father of her children? Does he help support his children financially? Does he have them at his house part of the time?


My kids are suffering seeing what I’m going though, feeling depressed and not in a mood to do anything..
You children need to be your main priority. Shield them from this.

How old are your children. What percentage of the time do you have them with you?
 
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