Hi there everyone. For anyone new on this part of the forum, I am sorry that you are dealing with infidelity. 3 years ago, news that my H had cheated was finally uncovered by the OW's husband. Who had been looking for me for 18 months to make sure I knew. So those of you who are thinking "what my spouse doesn't know won't hurt them" sometimes it doesn't quite go as you planned.
We are three years out, and after a long road of recovering, I honestly didn't even really notice Dday this year. It was actually on Halloween and I just remembered this morning when I looked at the calendar LOL. So thank you to all of you on here who have guided me, listened, advised, and even helped me see the things I needed to see.
Just gonna throw this out there. The first year after discovery I spent getting myself in a good place. I went back to school, I started doing things that made ME happy. I did not agree to commit back to the marriage until a year had passed. my H knew this, as I told him I would give myself a year just to decide if I wanted to TRY to work it out. This does not mean I was out being down and dirty, but that I found where I wanted to be in life, and got myself there. A year later, I decided we should try to reconcile. During that year my H got counseling, did some soul searching, and tried to prove he was worth the effort.
This does not mean that all marriages can or should be saved. This just happens to mean that mine made it through this mess. The best thing I have to type out, is that for those of you reconciling, eventually you come around to acceptance mode. You accept that they did something that horrible, you accept that you can not change it, and you accept that they may do it again. All you can do is set your boundaries. Will my H cheat again? I don't know. And that is okay. Because what I DO know, is that if he does, we will divorce. Will we still hit rough times? I am sure we will. But hopefully we will get through them together. Good luck to all of you, in whatever way you choose to proceed.
We are three years out, and after a long road of recovering, I honestly didn't even really notice Dday this year. It was actually on Halloween and I just remembered this morning when I looked at the calendar LOL. So thank you to all of you on here who have guided me, listened, advised, and even helped me see the things I needed to see.
Just gonna throw this out there. The first year after discovery I spent getting myself in a good place. I went back to school, I started doing things that made ME happy. I did not agree to commit back to the marriage until a year had passed. my H knew this, as I told him I would give myself a year just to decide if I wanted to TRY to work it out. This does not mean I was out being down and dirty, but that I found where I wanted to be in life, and got myself there. A year later, I decided we should try to reconcile. During that year my H got counseling, did some soul searching, and tried to prove he was worth the effort.
This does not mean that all marriages can or should be saved. This just happens to mean that mine made it through this mess. The best thing I have to type out, is that for those of you reconciling, eventually you come around to acceptance mode. You accept that they did something that horrible, you accept that you can not change it, and you accept that they may do it again. All you can do is set your boundaries. Will my H cheat again? I don't know. And that is okay. Because what I DO know, is that if he does, we will divorce. Will we still hit rough times? I am sure we will. But hopefully we will get through them together. Good luck to all of you, in whatever way you choose to proceed.