He was my first serious boyfriend and I was so lonely when I met him. It was nice to have someone with me and I fell in love with him on a way that I ignored all the red flags. I was young and naive. He warned me about our incompatibility and I convinced him we were great together. I really thought we were but looking back I was being so stupid.It never ceases to amaze me the amount of people that marry when they aren't compatible. You had a compatibility issue right from the get go - the sex has always been a problem, yet sex is so vitally important within such a relationship. I really don't think I'd be able to stay if it was always horrible.
Why did you marry him??
You two need to have a serious "come to Jesus" moment. Or, hour. You have both made a big mistake. Thankfully, there aren't any children yet. For God's sake, whatever you do, don't let that happen.He was my first serious boyfriend and I was so lonely when I met him. It was nice to have someone with me and I fell in love with him on a way that I ignored all the red flags. I was young and naive. He warned me about our incompatibility and I convinced him we were great together. I really thought we were but looking back I was being so stupid.
He feels this. It may be one of the reasons why he won't put in effort at sex.I love him as a person, but not as a husband anymore.
Finish your schooling.
That gives you two more years for you to work on him, and for him to work on himself.
During this whole time, let him know you want to improve 'things'.
In this world based economy, a degree is more important than any few, those rare delivered orgasms.
In the interim, you can hand deliver the 'male'.. by yourself.
The man loves you, but has real 'issues' that you find unacceptable.
When you leave him, don't point out the real reason. That would be rubbing salt on the flag pole.
I believe his actions show a hidden hurt, a hidden fear, a hidden contempt for you.
Imagine that, you feel these same feeling, also!
Does he sense this contempt you have for him?
You claim it is the bad sex that makes you contemptuous of him.
I call bollocks, this statement of your is but the tip of his fast-acting spear.
A partner wanting out of a relationship always finds, and points out the alligators weaknesses, his/her soft belly.
You praise him on one hand, then slap him silly with the other.
Has another man caught your fancy?
If not, has the thought of one taken over you?
That *seven year itch, is it centered at your waist, or between your ears?
*The itch is normal, not something worthy of shame.
Provided, that one does not foolishly act on it.
I am not downplaying anything that you feel, I just want you to analyze every aspect of what it is you feel, and what might be the true, the root cause of it.
It is more than his fast acting root.
You know this all, to boot.
I tend to agree with this. I think people can, perhaps, restore love if they had it. I don't think it can be manufactured.Right now neither him or I think we can create something that wasn't even there at the first place.
I don't think this is a "girl or guy" thing. I believe that all people, regardless of gender, tend to accept less-painful alternatives. His reaction shouild serve as a prime "litmus test" when you evaluate the current state of your marriage. I think his perspective is that a divorce would be less painful than the marriage.... which hurts me because he doesn't seem hurt with this idea.
I’m not sure if it’s just me, but your pro/con list seems to be a little contradictory:Hey guys! I've been married for 3 years, no kids. He's 36 and I am 28. Anyways... I'm not happy about us. We have talked so many times about these issues and nothing really gets resolved. I suggested couple therapy but he doesn't want it. I made this list of pros and cons. What are your views on it? Thinking about divorce does tempts me but at the same time I am terrified because I live where I don't have anyone as family. The only people I know are his family and friends. I am making friends at college though.
Harasses me to drink alcohol (even though I told him several times that I don't like it)
I don't have fun with his friends
I don't have real fun with him when traveling
Sexless marriage (once every two months maybe)
Want too many different things for life (including when to have kids)
Very few interests in common (we don't really do any activities together)
He doesn't communicate well (don't talk about things that are important)
Very good person
Supports me (financially and emotionally)
Cheers for my success (I am in school getting an extremely hard degree)
Has a huge heart
Treats me like a princess
Loves my family and helps them when they need
We have fun at home (laugh, cuddle and watch TV)
He’s chill because he’s checked out of the marriage. The marriage isn’t working for him, and he’s only physically present, not emotionally. From the sounds of it, you guys hit the nail on the head when you agreed that the spark of a relationship was never there in the first place.Thank you Gwendolyn! That opened my eyes and made me reflect with a new perspective. Last night we had a long talk. He said everything that needs fix in our relationship and me, and I did the same. Right now neither him or I think we can create something that wasn't even there at the first place. We are considering divorce. I cried my eyeball out but he was just chill and reasonable, which hurts me because he doesn't seem hurt with this idea. I don't know guys.
With the bolded, you can add to your "negatives" list that he is a selfish lover. If you aren't happy in the sexual area, it affects everything. Oh, add that he is ignorant, or a liar. All men know that a 5 minute orgasm is not desireable when in a relationship with a real live woman. Would he brag to his friends about what a great lover he is? I'm sure not. They would all laugh in his face, or be shocked.Guys I appreciate all the answers. Well, he thinks there's no problem and he won't accept talking to anyone. I already suggested it over and over again.