Brief back ground married for 22 years and my wife informed me she was having an affair with someone from work, it had started as friends but became closer over a couple of years before moving to physical at the end of April. Then she spent 6 weeks deciding what to do, was it real and such. She actually told me on our daughters 18th birthday, I think the AP's wife had found out and my wife was forced to tell me.
After that told her I wanted to work things out, we have 2 kids 18 and 20 and it would be better to try. She was undecided and wanted time to think, so we spent the next 4 weeks living in the same house, it did cause arguments before she needed space and moved into her parents. She did admit she needed to speak to the AP but it would be just talking. She was still visiting us at home and spending days with us. But I now realise that moving to her parents just gave her the opportunity to spend more time with him, because she wasn't at home so was free to do as she pleased. Throughout this she has always said she loved me and she didn't know what to do for the best, she really missed the children and she was really struggling.
4 weeks she told us she wasn't coming home, I still had hope, don't know why but I do love her. I have tried no contact and am OK for days at a time and then she will contact me and we meet and I go back to square, texting, ringing for a few days until I get past it. I saw her last week to discuss our youngest going to uni as it very much me dealing with it all at present, my 20 year old hasn't spoken to her for 5 weeks now. During that meeting she did say she was moving in to a rented house and it would be with him, she needed to know if it was the biggest mistake of her life but couldn't know until she did it. It is like all the pain is not enough, she needs to add another layer and make it more difficult for all of us.
I am very much lost at the moment the pain at times is unbearable and I flick from disgust at her actions and selfishness to wanting her back to try again. I do think she is basing all decisions on emotions at the moment not logic and she will regret this for the rest of life and will lose so much. It is so sad she won't see it.
What do I do?
That’s the best advice!