No, she no longer works there and hasn't for 3 years. Since then we've moved a few hundred miles away. I'm quite confident that she no longer has contact with him.
She also admitted to going clubbing a number of times without my knowledge and without me. She claims that it was just to dance with her friends...
You know what, reading this over makes things look bad. Reading this 3 months ago I would have advised myself to drop this woman. I had no idea that I was actually in a relationship with an unfaithful partner who has lied about her whereabouts and hid her PA. I feel like an absolute idiot... yet I cant help but feel I need to try work this out.
I have no thoroughly checked her phone, email, facebook etc. I'm torn between doing this without her knowledge, and informing her that I would like us to sit down and go through it all together. If I do it without her knowledge I feel like I would be breaking my "code" of honesty
A short time ago she moved out on you. Planned it in advance and gave you no warning. Her fiance, who she has known seven years and been romantically involved with for five. That is how much you meant to her. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. You received absolutely no consideration. Think about that.
Think, step by step, of how many days she went to bed with you, woke up with you, spent time with you, all the while making plans to leave you, and not saying one single solitary word to you about it. That's some pretty cold stuff there.
Forget the infidelity for a second, just the way she handled the moving out shows a total lack of character on her part and a total lack of caring for your feelings
. This is the woman you want to marry? She doesn't care about you. The way she moved out is a bad sign, real bad, I think much worse than the infidelity. And this is before you even start to think about the lies of going clubbing and probable infidelity with other men besides the one she confessed.
So, she moves out. Gone for 10 days and you get the call. "I want to come home." It's really like a dog-and-pony show over there, isn't it? She calls the shots and you come running.
You are posting on an infidelity forum about a person who confessed to infidelity. Also, many of us here have been involved in romantic relationships for longer than you have been alive
. Most people who post here, like yourself, are doing so because they KNOW deep down that something is terribly wrong but they don't want to believe it.
But that's why you're here, you know it's not right and are having a hard time coming to terms with it and are hoping that we all say you have nothing to worry about, it's just a minor bump in the road, go forward full steam ahead. Not going to happen. There's a lot of conflicting opinions on these threads. I am predicting that there won't be too much conflict on this one. It's pretty obvious what's going on.
You lack experience in relationships that don't work out. Many of us here have had various or dare I say numerous romances that ended in breakups. It hurts when someone dumps you. Love of your parents, your children, your siblings all are unconditional. You will love them no matter what. Love of your friends and your romantic partners is conditioned on them treating you with dignity and respect.
If your fiance had come to you, told you that she was not happy, that she wanted to end it, that she planned to move out, then you could move forward with a memory of an honorable person of character who liked you but realized she did not love you and treated you with respect. How she handled it reeks of sneakiness, and sneakiness reeks of cheating, and surprise, surprise - she confessed that she cheated on you and went clubbing without you and hid it from you. S N E A K Y.
Just end this thing and move on. You KNOW there have been other men beside the one she confessed.
If you insist on continuing the relationship, tell her you will require a polygraph. It will be the best money you ever spent. It literally will save your life.
Get her alone at a time when you both have several hours to spend. Tell her that for you to continue in the relationship, you need to see all of her messages, texts, emails, call logs, facebook, etc. Make her show you them on the spot, don't give her time to delete them. You should be able to spot frequent calls/texts to the other man who didn't work out with her apartment plan. Hopefully she didn't delete the content, but you will be able to see them on the bill.
When she moved out on you for 10 days, it was because she was "in love" with another man. That's why she left as suddenly and stealthily as she did.