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Discussion Starter #1
So here goes. This is my first ever forum expierence so please bare with me..I just need advice...words of encouragement, wisdom...anything because I am alone, confused and hurting.

Me and my ex have been friends since we were 16. One night when we were 18 we got drunk and took our friendship to the next level. 9 months later our amazing son was born. Over the time I was pregnant our friendship turned into a real true love, and the day our son was born ive never had a man look at me like I was his air, his sun and moon and stars and the reason his earth turned day after day. We were young but very much in love and making life work. When our son was 2 months old I got pregnant with our beautiful daughter. We got married when I was 4 months pregnant with her and after she was born things started to go downhill, FAST! He moved out a year later. It was a nasty divorce. Families got involved and a lot of really really mean things were said. I hit his new truck with a shovel and put woke scratches on it the first time I went to his house to pick up the kids and there was a female there...he had his girlfriends purpously post pictures of them with the kids for me to see...just things to purposely hurt each other!
About 3 years after the divorce things started calming down between us and I started spending some nights at his house. A year and a half ago I moved out of state, about 500 miles from him, with the kids to live with my parents...we had started missing the time we had started spending together. (I forgot to mention that during the whole seperation I dreamed of us getting back together and id ask him all the time if we could try again for our family and live for each other) about 6 months after I moved away...so after almost 4 years of being divorced he also moved from the only town hes ever known to come and start a new life with me and the kids. That was this past February ...things were good. It was almost like we just picked up where we left off (before all the righting started) the first time. In April we got remarried. I have never been so happy. My family was thrilled. They knew how heartbroken I was without him and knew how all j wanted when we were apart was for our little family back together. We would argue here and there about everyday things such as money or my driving lol but nothing major...we were in a brand new town where we knew no one but my parents so of course it was going to get tense at times being with nobody but each other all the time. Well 4 weeks ago we got in a fight one morning before taking the kids to school over something I cant even remember...well he took the truck (we were a single car family and the same car I hit with a shovel 4 years ago) and took the kids to school and left me herd...normally I ride with him and drop him off at worm so I can have a vehicle during the day. He didn't answer any of my texts or calls which was not normal and I didn't know how I was going to get the kids from school. Well he took off early and showed up at home with the kids after school. He packed some things..said by to the kids and the whole time said not one word to me..and left. Apparantly he got a hotel and went to worm the first two days he was gone...I have not spoken to him at all over the phone since he has been gone..only text..so the 3rd day he was gone he told me he was taking a leave of abcense from work to clear his head...now I had no way to get the kids to school or groceries or anything so I text him and asked him if he could take us to the store and he told me he was back in our home state...well 8 days after being gone I asked him when he was comjng back sk he could get back to work because I don't have a job..I was a SAHM and our bills are coming due and he took the little bit of savings we had and I cant go out and get a job when he has our only vehicle. And this is when he told me that he had lost his job...it was all my fault...he was miserable here..he isn't coming back ...this was four weeks and I am still in complete shock. I didn't know he felt like this...he never told me anything. I was completely faithful to only him. I still haven't talked to him on the phone...only when he very rarely replies to my text is when I get information. He hasn't talked to the kids. He is staying with his brother and I guess its permanent. Now hes not working and j cant go to worm and he hasn't told me what to do about rent and bills and not having a vehicle. I am so lost..hes telling all his family there that he was depressed and miserable here and they are of course telling him to stay...his mom never wanted us together anyway..so now that hes told them all of this j KNOW hes not planning on coming back cause hes the kind of person that cares WAY too much what other people think.

So I know this was super ling..but I think if any o e can offer ANY kind of advice they'd have to have the whole back story.

PLEASE...if anyone has ANY advice or words of wisdom please help.
 

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Discussion Starter #2
My tablet messed up a lot of words...and some how left out a big chunk in the begjning sk if its too confusing just message me and ill try to explain
 

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My heart goes out to you, that is a lot of drama for being only 25! Sorry to say, but it won't ever work out with him, unless you keep being his doormat. A man that walks out on his family, leaves them penniless, and moves 500 miles away, isn't worth having. You've got your parents for support, so let them help you get back on your feet, and do what you gotta do to take care of your babies.
 

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Wow, what a sad situation. So sorry you are here mj. This guy is unbelievably low to do this to not only you, but to his family. I don't care what "his side of the story" is, there is no excuse for abandoning your children.

I agree with Serenity ... Reach out to your family for help. Get back on your feet, concentrate on yourself and your children and be thankful that you are young enough to start over. At your age you will meet someone else, and still have the relationship you deserve. Keep your head up and take it one day at a time.
 

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I don't think he is emotionally mature enough to face up to his demons. No indication he was going to do this? He obviously had some but never bothered to share them with you. It's hard to hurt people but to just disappear with no explanation and to avoid you so he doesn't have to answer for his actions is very very selfish.
I know it is not what you want to hear right now, but move on. Your parents are obviously supportive and want your happiness. How could you ever trust he wouldn't do it again if he ever came back?
My advice and suggestion is to talk about it, talk talk and talk more. to friends family and even this forum. You need a lot of venting for closure.You are not going to get that from him. Allow yourself to be angry.

The way you described how you felt and how he felt when you had your children and is beautiful. You deserve to have that feeling again, and you will in time. Take time to heal, and look after your kids and yourself. I hope you find your way through this mess :)
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Thank you guys. That's what my family keels telling me, is to move on. It just ducks cause when I try to talk it out and tell them how I feel...if its emotional or about missing him or hurting cause of him they stop me or their only response is stop talking about him or letting him do this to you. And I know they just care and they don't want to see me cry or hurt so that's how they handle it ...but sometimes I just WANT to cry about him and tell my mom how bad it hurts like a semi truck slammed into my heart then sucked all my air out lol...then I just want to get mad because I cant believe HE is the one that's making me hurt like this, the one person I thought NEVER would..and the only person that possibly could make the hurt go away! What a horrible catch 22
 

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Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! I'm 24 and went through one divorce in May, I can't imagine how painful this is for you.

I don't have a lot of time to type left so I will just tell you what I was told that's really helped. Take at least a year off to yourself with no persuit of relationships. I know you don't want to hear this, but it's helped me a lot to take a break and just enjoy the rest of my early twenties - This time with more wisdomand responsibility.

Btw, divorced friends are some of the best friends I've ever had. I recommend getting together with other divorced moms and having dinners together or play dates with all the kids. And anything you learn about yourself now along with the changes you make in your 180 will be carried with you into the next relationship, so study on yourself and maybe what went wrong with relationship in the past - Like chasing bad boys or crazies who had a sort of Peter Pan like charm.
 
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