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Well I had posted in the past but after going to an MC and both the wife and I are going to IC. We went to a lawyer frm last week to discuss what would occur during divorce/sepration. It was supposed t be a discuss and while were we in there the Wife dropped the boimb and said lets get this moving right then and thee.. Freked me out as she is the one who wanted to make this work out. Although we know in our hearts that it won't. We both have ni idea of how to move forward. Me for sure, we both cry a lot right now as we have history. Just to make things worse, we now have to split everything, which I have no problem doing it is just doing it. We have to move forward, How does ne come to term with this and keep thier head aboove wated... I certainly am struggling like OMG. I have no idea of what to do or how to do it. I am clueless and looking for help.

Dan
 

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So sorry for your pain.
Its hard to visualize a life without the person you've shared the last few decades. My marriage is ending after 27 years.
You must have known when you went to the attorney that it was not a good sign. Few couples do that unless they know the end is near.
Its good you're going to IC, that will help. For now, just focus on you. What do you need, what do you want, even when it comes to splitting stuff up. Keep anything that has a happy memory for you, let her have the rest. Tomorrow, get up, get dressed and keep breathing.
 

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Thanks,

I do get that but we are still living together and she hates me for her not being able to buy another house. I get the hate part. My biggest problem right now is I want to move back to Texas and that can not happen fast enough. I want to start over and find myself. Focus on the good I am going to loose my Dog. funny thing is I am going to miss him.... lol.. It is funny. My wife also knows I have feelings for another girl, who at one point said she did for me but now, she backs off, owever she will call me when she is in crisis mode and we willtalk for hours... It screws with my head someting awfull ....It is one of our mutual friends. Hell my wife is the one that pointed it out to me, as I am dumb as a rock when it comes to women, dating and that crap... I just want the pain to go away. I want to friggin run...
 

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I really feel for you people who have been married 20+ years. I was only married for 3 1/2 years and my STBXW walked out on me to go live the single life it seems. I'm having a hard time trying to forget her and get better everyday. That is just after 3+ years of marriage and knowing her for 7. I couldn't even imagine 25+. I will be praying for ya.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
yes it is a long time. However, we do beleive it is the best thing for us. We are best frineds and she is really quite a gal.. We bot do not know how we got here and why. But the reality is, it does suck. I know she is really urting as I... We both thought we would retire and live to the death, but we recognize that we are just not healthy for each other. We ask ourselve how long has it been since we were happy... Bad thing is we do not remember.. Sad oh so sad. That we did let it get this far down the road.. It really does create some huge problems mentally.
 

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We have tried and tried... But we have been to marriage counselors and independent counselors. Believe me we have tried, we just never get back to where we should be. . Background info, we have been mentally abusive to each other… We lost the way to keep each other happy and on a positive path.. Believe me we have tried, and tried. We are just out of gas… both of us. We talk about changing our behavior and I try but she is pretty set in her ways and very stubborn… The blame is equal, we just finally decided that this is the best thing for now … I am moving outof state and she want to stay here.. One of our issues. I hate the weather her as it is very depressing and it really does effect me in a very bad way.. She loves it her. a cunundrum to say the least... but just another issue we have.
 

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then you dont want her.

It must really be that simple.


A man doesnt just leave his wife behind and leave state. Decide to just up and go.

i couldnt picture leaving my wife behind and just saying bye. And forget verbal whatever. We went through a stage when we were younger we fought like cats and dogs. she went after my car with a screw driver once. slapped me accross the face more than once. i smashed a few of her cellphones. I drove one vehicle into the ditch just because it was her car and i knew she couldnt get it back out.
for a certain period, i mean we like really fought. i lost track of how many times the cops were called on us. She left me once with the car and i had to walk.
but she ended up coming back for me of course.
i still wouldnt have left her behind. Despite whatever. Or her me. i wouldnt have. If i went somewhere, she went with me. vice versa. Know what i mean? just how it is.

Then eventually, you realize no one is going to win. And you both get tired of being miserable. And by now you know eachother pretty well. And decide to get along, and be happy. If for no other reason you are tired of fighting with eachother and going round and round. Then you finally, lay off eachother, stop worrying, fighting, analyzing, and give eachother a hug and kiss and go have a drink or go ride a roller coaster at a amusement park instead of making your relationship into one needlessly.

Then you kind of look back, and laugh at how you were, and type on some web page about how you once fought toothe and nail with your spouse, like every day. And no one ever seemed to actually win anything despite all the fighting.

i think most people that go to marriage counselors end up divorced. i wont go as far to say counseling is going to see some quack, but i would be interested to know the success statistics on it and what exactly qualifies these people to be counselors since my own marriage counselor i had once couldnt even keep his own marriages together and was divorced.

But to just leave your girl behind.. well that seems very odd. unless you have some serious reason or just decided you dont want her.
i couldnt imagine just deciding to leave my wife behind. What a odd concept. She is like part of me.
 

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Well I have just one thing to say. It is a joint decision. We have decided that we are unhealthy for each other at this point in life, She is my best friend and will always be. However we have found that this is the best solution at this time in our lives. Is to get our own lifes together and mend. we do not want to look back and laugh at the pain and hurt we caused each other. In my opinion that is wrong, I am manning up and taking care of her by seperating, she will be much better off now then presently. I have regrets, that I did treat her badly, and she me. We both know we do not want to live like this for rest of our lives. That is how we are dealing with it. I get your opinion, and like most it is your way of dealing with it. This doesnot work for us though. I wish you the best.
 
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