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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi - I have posted once before about my husband not wanting to have sex with me.

Background - this has been a problem for around a year, I have gone to counseling as has he but never together, I really don't see ANYTHING gay about him and he denies that, I am a "good looking" blonde size 2/4 and have never had problems with a man before him.

Since I've posted on here my husband and I went on a little "honeymoon" - we had the best time except when it came to sex. The ONE time we tried to have sex I wanted to move from the couch to the bed and when we got there he said the bed turned him off and he wasn't into it. (??) I went to bed, he watched TV.

When we got home I flipped out and told him if he doesn't fix this or just admit he doesn't want me I am out of this marriage. I asked him what he does when he gets "in the mood" and he admitted he pleases himself and thinks of other women.

At that point I moved into our guest bedroom.

I don't want to lose my husband as he gives me everything but sex, he treats me like a princess otherwise. He doesn't seem to want to get his T levels checked either. I am at a total loss and I feel that counseling would just pin us against each other...

Any help? Thank you in advance.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
i should also mention i've resorted to fantasizing about an ex boyfriend constantly - one i would NEVER get back together with - but we had an amazing sex life... amazing. so i guess my husband isn't the only one fantasizing about others. i am guilty of it too.
 

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YES - in the beginning.. we had a really good sex life ...

i've suggested maybe he gets "bored" because i'm the same person over and over again - he said maybe - but refuses to do roleplay or anything because he thinks its "weird".
 

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YES - in the beginning.. we had a really good sex life ...

i've suggested maybe he gets "bored" because i'm the same person over and over again - he said maybe - but refuses to do roleplay or anything because he thinks its "weird".
I hope that isn't the case. Otherwise, the odds are not good that you'll make it long term. I'd seek professional help for the two of you to see why he has a low libido for you. I assume he's the same age as you or close to it?
 

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Can you give us some more in depth details of what you found out in during your two individual therapy sessions ? Also, is there any reason you don't get into a marriage counseling ?
I also find it suspicious that he keeps thinking that you believe he's gay, it might be projection of some doubts he has himself.

There's no wrong about fantasizing about your ex, it doesn't mean that you still have feelings for him, it happens because you need to recall graphic memories to help with the arousal. Be careful not to focus on the amazing sex life you had with him and forget the reasons that made you seperate.

If you are not into porn, or it doesn't do it for you, you can check erotic scenes from movies. They are usually better made and directed and leaves a great deal to the imagination:
Here's a list of movies that have the best sex scenes (I agree with this list):
10 Best Love Making Scenes | Made Manual

Here are snippets of some really good erotic scenes:
The Top 10 Sex Scenes Of The Decade | HEAVY

You should know that these links are only temporary solutions, just to ease the feeling of guilt and to help prevent your alone sessions from being spoiled and/or associated with dark thoughts.

Couple counseling is in order, no questions asked. It isn't normal for a man to not being in the mood for all this time, especially when you're this newsly wed.
 

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I'm in the same boat here. We've been married for over a year, together for over 4. Great sex life in the beginning, downstairs neighbors actually relocated to a different unit in our building, it was so great... now it's routine oral, for him from me, once a week... and he only suggests sex when he's intoxicated. We also went on a belated honeymoon just a few months ago... we had sex the first night, we were both pretty drunk, and nothing for the rest of the week. He claims it has nothing to do with me, that it's him... clearly he still has sexual desires, or he wouldn't guide my head toward himself when he's in need or a release. I'm a very sexual and affectionate person, and I wouldn't walk out of my marriage because of this, but I'm having an extremely difficult time processing that I may have ended up in a sexless marriage. I'm only 28, I'm not nearly ready to stop having sex! He says his lack of sexual interest is due to him having trouble reaching climax (which is true, and I've known about, but this has always been a problem for him, and never stopped him before). He says "if you couldn't cum from sex, would you still do it? There wouldn't be a point to it, would there?"

I don't mean to go on about my own sex life, or lack there of, I was just trying to relate to you, and let you know, you're certainly not alone... because I know I feel alone all the time.
 

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He could be over masturbating, and then have nothing left for you. He probably needs to relax on watching the porn.

Another thing could be, he thinks of sex as a chore with you. Try less foreplay and go for a quickie to see if he's into that. I myself hate the long drawn out foreplay and prefer the quickies, to the point where I just won't feel like doing it if I had to put in the work.
 

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Does he watch a lot of porn?

If he does then he needs to stop now.

You both need to focus on each other and seek professional help ASAP.

Give it a time frame, if there's no improvement move on. You are you g and there is no reason why you should stay in such a marraige if he will not make it work with you.
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