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I feel like i am falling out of love with my husband. If you want a detailed back story then go on my profile and check my previous thread ( i dont know how to share it) but cut a long story short my husband cheated on me a while back and it has changed everything.
We used to be happy and love spending time together but its just not like that anymore. He is my first relationship ( before you say, yes i know i married my first love blah blah blah).
My dad had an affair on my mum, my sisters long term boyfriend was not nice at all and i think i have been bought up with this image in my head that men are just this way, like its ok for them to cheat, lie and be self centered. But now im growing up and realising that its not ok to treat the people you love like this. I couldn't imagine touching another man. Sorry for the rant but i dont know what to do.
I feel so distant from my husband. I dont really enjoy spending time with him anymore, i personally never want to have sex with him unless im drunk. Its not like i dont want it cos i do but just not with him. I would never cheat on him because i know how damaging it is to a person.
I dont know the last time we laughed together, or cuddled, or just looked at each other with love in our eyes. You know what i mean.
Is this normal? Can we get our relationship back? Please let me know your thoughts. Thanks. Jess
 

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It's been a year and nothing has changed. You want to waste another minute feeling like this? C'mon sister...

gtfo!
 

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Why keep wasting your time feeling like this when there is someone so much better out there? Nothing is going to bring love back into your relationship.


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I was 16 when I met my first husband, and like you I was determined to make it work at all costs. 3 kids and 14 years later I finally ended it, YEARS after I should have. I too thought things would get better. but they never did.

My son, who is 25, just ended a three year relationship - they were engaged - because she finally admitted she never wants kids. Talk about HARD. But they did it.

It's like ripping off a band aid. Once the initial pain dulls, you get better. Really. You just have to take that first step.
 

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How did you even start talking about leaving to your partner?
I never talked to him. I just left. By that time I'd talked myself blue in the face. It made no difference. So finally I just DID. You need to make the decision, and then the only discussion there needs to be is who gets what furniture. If you haven't decided 100% you can be talked into staying like I was.

When I kicked my second husband out for cheating, I just announced it. There was no discussion - it was a decision I had made and was non-negotiable. Oh, he tried, but I made him go. If he had totally refused, I would have left, and we would NOT be together today.
 

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I was 16 when I met my first husband, and like you I was determined to make it work at all costs. 3 kids and 14 years later I finally ended it, YEARS after I should have. I too thought things would get better. but they never did.

My son, who is 25, just ended a three year relationship - they were engaged - because she finally admitted she never wants kids. Talk about HARD. But they did it.

It's like ripping off a band aid. Once the initial pain dulls, you get better. Really. You just have to take that first step.
I bet on things getting better to and lost. It seems like once a relationship starts out bad it doesn't recover. At least for your son she finally admitted to something that she knew was a no go. I'm surprised that she would let it go as long as she did while knowing that it would catastrophically end at one point.
 

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I bet on things getting better to and lost. It seems like once a relationship starts out bad it doesn't recover. At least for your son she finally admitted to something that she knew was a no go. I'm surprised that she would let it go as long as she did while knowing that it would catastrophically end at one point.
I think they were both hoping her mind would change at some point. Other than the kids thing their relationship has always been great. It's pretty sad it ended, but they both know it's for the best. My son has wanted to be a daycare worker and have 10 kids of his own since he was about 4.
 

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Once trust is gone it's really hard to rebuild. And even if you do, you still have those thoughts of your husband with another woman floating around in your head. That's got to be painful, no matter how much time has passed. Do you ever wonder from time to time if he's having another affair? If the answer is yes then you will be asking yourself this question for the rest of your married life. You have to decide if that's how you want to live. If not, it's time to put the kibosh on this marriage and seek out another man for whom you will have romantic feelings.
 

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I feel like i am falling out of love with my husband. If you want a detailed back story then go on my profile and check my previous thread ( i don't know how to share it) but cut a long story short my husband cheated on me a while back and it has changed everything.
We used to be happy and love spending time together but its just not like that anymore. He is my first relationship ( before you say, yes i know i married my first love blah blah blah).
My dad had an affair on my mum, my sisters long term boyfriend was not nice at all and i think i have been bought up with this image in my head that men are just this way, like its ok for them to cheat, lie and be self centered. But now im growing up and realising that its not ok to treat the people you love like this. I couldn't imagine touching another man. Sorry for the rant but i dont know what to do.
I feel so distant from my husband. I dont really enjoy spending time with him anymore, i personally never want to have sex with him unless im drunk. Its not like i dont want it cos i do but just not with him. I would never cheat on him because i know how damaging it is to a person.
I dont know the last time we laughed together, or cuddled, or just looked at each other with love in our eyes. You know what i mean.
Is this normal? Can we get our relationship back? Please let me know your thoughts. Thanks. Jess
I am very pro marriage and so sad to see people divorce, but you have been married such a short time and he has already cheated. It doesn't bode well for the future, and as you have found out, adultery shatters the trust and intimacy and what was there before.

Jessica, my dad had at least one affair, (a very long one), both of my sisters in law cheated, my husbands ex wife cheated, my grandfather cheated, my family is full of hurt and betrayal and lies and divorce due to this, but its NOT normal or right and I would NEVER accept a cheating husband. To me it shows a man who hasn't got integrity or good moral values and thinks nothing of keeping the vows he so recently made. It shows a lack of self control and complete selfishness.

I am not surprised that you are falling out of love, you probably have no respect left for him.I doubt if I could have sex again if this happened to me, and the thought that you have to get drunk to do this is so sad but not surprising.

It may help you to get some counseling and decide what your next stop should be, but its a blessing that you have no children(at least you haven't mentioned any) and if you decide to end the marriage then it will be far simpler because of that.
 

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I know i should but its hard
Not nearly as hard as it would be years down the line with children around.
My first marriage ended after 23 years, as did my husbands first marriage, its was so painful, but being married to a really lovely moral man of integrity now is amazing and he was well worth waiting for.
You are still so young, you need to decide whether you want to stay with a cheater or not. Is it it worth the risk?

Tell me, did he tell you he cheated or did you find out?. Was it a long affair or one night? What were the circumstances? He he been repentant? Is he making every effort to help you trust again?
 

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I left my fiancee as soon as I found out she was cheating even though it was 6 months before the wedding. Why? I could not imagine marrying a woman who has proved that she cannot be trusted. Even if she never cheated again, I would forever be suspicious of her and she would grow to resent it and our marriage would not have lasted.

Trust once broken takes a very long time to rebuild and even then it will never be as good as it was before. I have known enough cheaters to know that they usually keep on cheating but get very good at not getting caught. A person's past behavior is a very good indicator of their future behavior. The problem is that even if they do not cheat again, you will still feel the same distrust and emotions regardless. That is why I am against taking a cheating partner back. No matter what my life will be led being suspicious whether they cheat or not. A lose-lose situation.

Sorry to say that I have seen too many women in your position and it boils down to either looking the other way and not worrying about it, or divorcing. You cannot live like you are living because you are wasting the best years of your life. So many stay together because divorce is a horrible thing to go through. You need to make the tough decision now. I wish you luck.
 
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I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this, it's an awful position to be in and a very tough decision to make.

If you are feeling this way the best thing you can do is call it a day, it will hurt for a while but eventually you will feel so much better and realise leaving was the best thing to do.

Alternatively, you could try come marriage counselling and this will help but you'll never forget and will have triggers from time to time.

I am currently going through divorce due to a cheating husband and since I kicked him out I've felt like a huge weights been lifted off my shoulders. I feel a huge sense of freedom, no one dragging me down or making me feel insecure, I'm finally regaining my confidence and realising my self worth. I will never settle for a cheating spouse again.


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Has anyone tried marriage counsiling? And did it help ? Thanks for all of your thoughts
My husband and his ex had some. The idea was that they would see people separately for a time and then after that together. They never got that far as the female counselor more or less encouraged her to separate, and then left them to it. As it happened, she then met another man and they ended up divorced and he is much happier now, so every cloud had a silver lining.

It does help some people, so worth a try.
Unless he has come clean about what happened, is completely repentant and is doing all he can to rebuild trust, then it may not work.

Did you find out or did he come to you?How long was it for?
 
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