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dated since 1991, co-habituated since 1994, just married 2 yrs ago because I thought he was finally trustworthy. He is a great man in many respects and I know he loves me. He works on the road (1to2 wks at time). I always suspected, but caught with evidence of sex with another woman in 2001. He cried, claimed it was only time, now realized how much I meant to him (blah, blah, blah). I said I probably needed counseling to get past it and he agreed. His friend told him not to do it cuz he would feel awkward, so he never went. So, instead of leaving (typical low self-esteem issues) I made him promise a few things... no strip clubs, no online chatting w/ women I don't know, no being another woman's shoulder to cry on w/out my knowledge and consent... the rules evolved with the times to include: no lingerie/bikini bars, NO PORN (cuz I saw he was doing hundreds of hits each day and had started bringing the filthy/degrading name-calling plots to bed with me; and a man with poor impulse control who works on the road does not need the temptation). He broke every single one of these promises over and over, always first lying about it and if I could prove, saying "sorry, I won't do it again".... and then he would do it again. About a yr before agreeing to marry him he seemed to have changed and steered away from doing these things. A yr into marriage (last year) I realized he had just gotten better at lying and covering up. I have overheard recent conversations with a particular friend of his (always the one he is "disgusting" with) where he still brags about his times with "*****s" and that he has had "a fun life so far, got no regrets and wouldn't change a thing" (this was just this past fall 2013). I confronted him and he lied. Then I heard him tell this same friend about it and say that he lied (I knew he was calling him n figured subject would come up so I voice recorded him). I confronted him and he lied to me about lying. I gave him 3 chances to fess up and he lied, so I played his voice saying "well, I lied to her so she calmed down" and then he laughed with his friend. I put keylogger (and told him I did) on his laptop so the porn has stopped there, but I just (innocently found a stash of old-school porn and dvd's in his truck). I just got contact info for a local polygraph examiner and am going to set one up for him. I can't think of any other way to know the truth so I can figure out what to do........
 

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I have overheard recent conversations with a particular friend of his (always the one he is "disgusting" with) where he still brags about his times with "*****s" and that he has had "a fun life so far, got no regrets and wouldn't change a thing" (this was just this past fall 2013).
Pay close attention to the bold text. No regrets and wouldn't change a thing. Life for him has been good. It has been "fun". Wow. Why would he want to change what he has been living? He is a cake eater. He has no incentive to change. You have all the evidence you need. Divorce this immature man child.
 

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Thanks to all for your input. Logically I KNOW you are right, but the little girl in me still holds out for the miracle of change. Also, before I met him, I had a son. When first pg, I actually lived in my car n shoplifted food to eat. I got my s*!? together by working 3 part time jobs n 20 credit hrs per semester after my son was born (I met my husband midway through this time). I worked hard n ended up managing Labs, but recently had to start a new career path. I was also just dx with chronic lymes disease so my ability to continue to work full time is in question. I don't have it in me to relive another episode like the car living scene. I realize I have become the woman I would pity for not seeing the obvious. Thanks again for comments, it feels wonderful to have my feelings validated in some way finally.... Btw, I found a counselor I like and have session # 2 coming soon. Goal is to become stronger so I can do what I know is inevitable.

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Darn it, I posted a response to all of u but I don't thinkit sshows up. I did it on phone n it took forever. Can anyone verify if it is actually on the feed???? Thanks

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I tried responding twice from my phone and am not seeing either attemp..... Thanks to all of you for the input. I know I have become the woman I would normally pity if I was told this, but I came from being pg and living in my car to working 3 jobs with infant, school full time, to managing labs, to events beyond my control taking that acheivement from me (now I work in a factory for about 1/2 the pay) and to top it off I was just dx w/ chronic lymes disease so my ability to continue full-time work is ???? I am going to proceed with the polygraph, just to make him admit in front of another person that he is a big fat liar. I know it shouldn't matter, but it does very much to me. I did find a counselor (for myself, he does not know) and have seen him once and scheduled a second. I like him, and have a goal in mind to get stronger so that I can do what I know is inevitable and overdue...... thanks again for validating my belief that his behavior is not acceptable.
 

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I tried responding twice from my phone and am not seeing either attemp..... Thanks to all of you for the input. I know I have become the woman I would normally pity if I was told this, but I came from being pg and living in my car to working 3 jobs with infant, school full time, to managing labs, to events beyond my control taking that acheivement from me (now I work in a factory for about 1/2 the pay) and to top it off I was just dx w/ chronic lymes disease so my ability to continue full-time work is ???? I am going to proceed with the polygraph, just to make him admit in front of another person that he is a big fat liar. I know it shouldn't matter, but it does very much to me. I did find a counselor (for myself, he does not know) and have seen him once and scheduled a second. I like him, and have a goal in mind to get stronger so that I can do what I know is inevitable and overdue...... thanks again for validating my belief that his behavior is not acceptable.
I am so sorry that you are. So sorry you are going through all that pain.
As the others have posted, why do you stay?? Why do you continue to torture yourself??

He DOES NOT respect you. Why would he?
Stop making excuses for not leaving a fulfilled and happy life. Do you know you deserve happiness? Do you know his behavior is not appropriate?

Good luck to you
 

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No offense, but you don't make sense at all. Just leave why even post here just divorce!!

Can it get any clearer? The guy is a total POS period!!
 

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I can understand the desire to have your hunches, observations and data proven as much as a poly can prove anything. It is worth the money. If you think of the crap people spend money on, this doesn't seem like a waste at all.

Catching him was great. Making him admit he was caught: priceless.
 
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