That's great that you'll be having a conversation with her. I'd like to make a few recommendations:Thanks for rooting for me. Everything you said is true - I don’t deny it. I have tried and tried (and tried) to rebuild that trust with my DW. I know we have a weak emotional connection. I worked on myself for 5 years. We are having our “reset“ conversation Monday night. We have had a few of these that I can recall YE18, mid 19, Now. This conversation will be different - with me being more upfront, candid, truly transparent, more confrontational. There are several levels to this conversation — not just about our ****ty sex life.
1. Keep your expectations realistic - the issues you and your wife have won't be solved with one, two or even a handful of talks. Look at this first conversation as a starting point.
2. Sex isn't even your biggest issue - the missing intimacy and connection between you is where I would focus the conversation, and I wouldn't even make this first conversation about sex. You may be surprised to find that improving your emotional intimacy with your wife also improves your physical intimacy, but even if it doesn't, you'll at least have a foundation for talking about sex with wife in a more honest, vulnerable and productive way.
3. Be direct and honest in sharing your feelings with her - don't beat around the bush, but that doesn't necessarily mean you have to be confrontational. You need to clearly express YOUR needs, but the more you're able to do it from the standpoint of WE and US (as in how you want the best for you as a couple), the better. And I don't think it's a bad thing to make yourself vulnerable in sharing your feelings. If you want her to open up to you, you may have to lead by example.
4. If you feel like you have contributed to the lack of emotional intimacy between you, own up unequivocally to your side of it and apologize for it. Talk about what you intend to do on your side to effect changes.
5. Ask questions of your wife to find out how she feels about your marriage and your intimacy. Don't let her skate with pat answers about the kids, the house, your day-to-day life, etc. That's surface stuff. She may need time to think about it, but make sure you get answers either later in the conversation or in a later conversation. The best thing you can do is to get her talking, and when she does, really listen and watch her expressions and body language as well.