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Your post has always stuck with me....yes, some slight improvements - but a fundamental gap still exists. I am back. :(
You have been treated like this for 20 years, i think, and two years since you posted...

You are back because you refuse to see reality. Many have probably said on this thread, that your wife is not into you.

She loves you like a brother, or a dog, but not like you deserve. She is not into you sexually and she never will be.

I don't why you stay, but it is a mistake frankly, this will never change...

It is time to divorce and try to be happy....
 

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I don’t know. I read these posts and get motivated. I also realize I can not change my DW. I can change my behavior, looks, attitude, etc...I can become my best self. So to speak.
NO, NO, NO... What, you want to jump through more hoops for your wife? You are kidding right?

You are good enough to deserve far better treatment than you are getting. You deserve to be treated better than a dog. I mean, you get that don't you.

You are already better than good enough for this woman. Can't you see that?

I promise you one thing, if you divorce you will not regret it.

You have got to find your balls, and you have to keep them attached. The way you change your behavior is get a divorce...
 

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Discussion Starter #386
OP,

Kindly, how are there 384 responses without action to improve?
There were/are some good ideas. Most of which I took to heart. Read the NMMNG, was more direct in communication (on going), started taking better care of myself (exercise, fitness) and no, I was not morbidly obese. Sadly I am still at a huge impasse of me being HD and her being LD. And I'm beyond frustrated currently.
 

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MIA, did you ever get your wife to go to a sex therapist? Did you ever have the discussions that maybe she wants a type of sex she was afraid to tell you since you are her husband? Did you ever find out if there was something in her past that keeps her from enjoying sex?

Does she ever masturbate and O that way?
 

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Discussion Starter #390
MIA, did you ever get your wife to go to a sex therapist? Did you ever have the discussions that maybe she wants a type of sex she was afraid to tell you since you are her husband? Did you ever find out if there was something in her past that keeps her from enjoying sex?

Does she ever masturbate and O that way?
MIA = me...I get it.

1. No. It got better (a little)
2. No. Got close but never really dug in deep.
3. Not yet. This is by far #1 priority but we are really trapped with COVID and kids and homeschooling soo that sucks.
4. IDK. I think not.
 

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Discussion Starter #391
NO, NO, NO... What, you want to jump through more hoops for your wife? You are kidding right?

You are good enough to deserve far better treatment than you are getting. You deserve to be treated better than a dog. I mean, you get that don't you.

You are already better than good enough for this woman. Can't you see that?

I promise you one thing, if you divorce you will not regret it.

You have got to find your balls, and you have to keep them attached. The way you change your behavior is get a divorce...
This is good to hear. Looking for them as I type...so to speak.
 

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Sorry I am late to this thread. What exactly do you want your wife to do specifically? What do you need her to do and how often for you to be happy?
 

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Discussion Starter #393
Meet me half way. Participate in our sex life. Be a willing partner. Have fun. Bring something new to the table. Flirt with me. Take a chance. Try something new occasionally....a few times a week. That's a general recap.
 

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Meet me half way. Participate in our sex life. Be a willing partner. Have fun. Bring something new to the table. Flirt with me. Take a chance. Try something new occasionally....a few times a week. That's a general recap.
How many of these things have you sufficiently received from your wife since you were first here a handful of years ago?
 

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Discussion Starter #395
How many of these things have you sufficiently received from your wife since you were first here a handful of years ago?
You know...enough progress was being made that I thought it would get better. But on a collective basis - since this posting was started. Not enough.
 

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You know...enough progress was being made that I thought it would get better. But on a collective basis - since this posting was started. Not enough.
WAS being made? What happened to make that change or revert?

So not enough. What happens what not enough is too much? What does that look like to you?
 

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did you ever get your wife to go to a sex therapist? Did you ever have the discussions that maybe she wants a type of sex she was afraid to tell you since you are her husband? Did you ever find out if there was something in her past that keeps her from enjoying sex?

Does she ever masturbate and O that way?
MIA = me...I get it.

1. No. It got better (a little)
2. No. Got close but never really dug in deep.
3. Not yet. This is by far #1 priority but we are really trapped with COVID and kids and homeschooling soo that sucks.
4. IDK. I think not.
So, why don't you work on this NOW before throwing in the towel -- what could it hurt if you are already feeling like this?
 

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Discussion Starter #398
WAS being made? What happened to make that change or revert?

So not enough. What happens what not enough is too much? What does that look like to you?
Not sure I completely understand the question but I will try to summarize in a brief recap.

Made the post in 2016...as we were approaching a 20yr mark. I had booked a 1 week trip to Costa Rica and was starting to realize how unhappy I was -- specifically in the bedroom. As a somewhat desperate measure, I started to google everything I could. That process led me to TAM - where I posted the original message. I was very grateful for all of the feedback. It opened my eyes to several things that I was doing that were not helping the situation. I read the NMMNG book (2xs). I started to be more direct with my communication. I started to listen more and talk less and stopped getting soo wrapped up in what was "next" on the list to do vs being more present, asking how her day was, how was work, etc....I had work to do on myself (short version).

Over the next 4 years (till now) the frequency was slightly better. We had a few "reset" button conversations because we were still getting to that point of being very unhappy -- me in the bedroom, her everywhere else.

I hope any other married guy understands this next part -- but when things are getting slightly better and your not fighting etc...and the you have the oppty to have sex with your DW, the last thing you really want to do is blow up in the middle of the act. If that makes sense.

So for us (for me), I allowed, and continue to allow our sex routine to primarily revolve around what her desires are because in most cases, I don't want to NOT have sex when she is in the mood and or willing. I think that will only make sense to a married guy with a LD spouse.

I am back here on TAM because my frustration level has gone back to 100 because we can't get out of our own way. And if we follow what she is comfortable with -- it will be 100% what she will do (and won't). In the end, our my basic needs met - yes. But there is soooo much more we missing out on. That is why I am not going down the nuclear option. I still believe there is room for me to grow and improve and for her to grow and improve in this specific area.

Does that help....?
 

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Not sure I completely understand the question but I will try to summarize in a brief recap.

Made the post in 2016...as we were approaching a 20yr mark. I had booked a 1 week trip to Costa Rica and was starting to realize how unhappy I was -- specifically in the bedroom. As a somewhat desperate measure, I started to google everything I could. That process led me to TAM - where I posted the original message. I was very grateful for all of the feedback. It opened my eyes to several things that I was doing that were not helping the situation. I read the NMMNG book (2xs). I started to be more direct with my communication. I started to listen more and talk less and stopped getting soo wrapped up in what was "next" on the list to do vs being more present, asking how her day was, how was work, etc....I had work to do on myself (short version).

Over the next 4 years (till now) the frequency was slightly better. We had a few "reset" button conversations because we were still getting to that point of being very unhappy -- me in the bedroom, her everywhere else.

I hope any other married guy understands this next part -- but when things are getting slightly better and your not fighting etc...and the you have the oppty to have sex with your DW, the last thing you really want to do is blow up in the middle of the act. If that makes sense.

So for us (for me), I allowed, and continue to allow our sex routine to primarily revolve around what her desires are because in most cases, I don't want to NOT have sex when she is in the mood and or willing. I think that will only make sense to a married guy with a LD spouse.

I am back here on TAM because my frustration level has gone back to 100 because we can't get out of our own way. And if we follow what she is comfortable with -- it will be 100% what she will do (and won't). In the end, our my basic needs met - yes. But there is soooo much more we missing out on. That is why I am not going down the nuclear option. I still believe there is room for me to grow and improve and for her to grow and improve in this specific area.

Does that help....?
It does and it doesn't. The "changes" you keep citing seem more like placation to me more than anything. Scraps thrown around so that someone can say they're doing something, then foreseeably reverts to the old way, the way that keeps you coming back here.
 

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Discussion Starter #400
It does and it doesn't. The "changes" you keep citing seem more like placation to me more than anything. Scraps thrown around so that someone can say they're doing something, then foreseeably reverts to the old way, the way that keeps you coming back here.
That is very valid to a point. I can't say there has been no progress. But I am more motivated to have a blunt conversation with my DW. The current theme of the threads and their respective responses has motivated me.
 
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