Hey all. After a lot of web browsing i came along this site. My spouse and i have been together 20 years and i feel we are headed towards a divorce. We have been fighting about the same things the entire time. My extracirricular activities and my lack of focus on her along with the lack of a quality (in my eyes) sexual relationship. We are both working professionals with a young family. As my handle states-i am selfish, always have been and always will be. This is not something that has "changed". I like to have some "me" time away from the wife and kids. With various activities, i will find myself away from home for approx. 30 afternoons/evenings a year. Mostly it will be a chunk of time during a given day but on occasion it is a weekend trip. During this time my wife is stuck with the kids. I do not feel this is a "fair" arrangement, however, i'm not willing to give this up just for her benefit. I have repeatedly stated over the years i am more than willing to return the favor. She is free to go whenever she wants to have some time as well and i'll look after things. For whatever reason, she doesn't and just grows more and more resentful. This leads to me not "getting any". I find this unacceptable and unfair because it really is the only thing i feel i require. I know it sounds stupid but i feel this gives me all the emotional connection i crave. Regardless of the type of act itself, for me it is an emotional connection and one that provides a closeness. I do not want nor seek sexual gratification from others because it simply wouldn't be the same. However, it has happened twice. I regret it but to be honest, at the time, it was an enjoyable experience. I needed a release and i wasn't getting it at home. That doesn't make it right or acceptable, but that's what happened. I love my wife and want this with her. We've been running in this circle forever now. I have certainly slowed down things (the "30" number was much higher before we had children) and it has made no difference. I have found that unless my focus is entirely on her and the kids, i'm being a bad husband/father. I feel like she has put me in a position of responsibility for her happiness. I don't require others to do that, apparantly, she does. Frankly, i'm sick of it. She's sick of feeling the way she does and we have both recently stated "I'm done!" However, i can't imagine a life without her. I still love her as much as i ever did, maybe more. I'd also like to slap her silly! (Metaphorically, don't get any ideas!) At this point i sometimes feel we could maybe salvage this but at other times i just don't see how. Feel free to offer advice or criticism but don't bother telling me to come clean-it will never happen. It would be a deal breaker regardless of the reasoning. I would never tell even if we divorce. I feel the same way, i simply wouldn't want to know, unless of course, it was an ongoing affair. Other than that, ignorance is bliss.