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20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands - Shake it up & Rock his world...

A # of times this article has been posted here at TAM...& thousands of times spread on Facebook/ Social media...

A divorced man’s twenty things to do differently - Marriage Advice I wish I would have had ...

...the response was one of pure inspiration -to "ridiculous advice"...asking "where is how the woman is supposed to treat the man ??!"

Personally I found what this man wrote in the aftermath of loosing his wife... Beautiful....(This was them once upon a time >
...

..95 % of it my husband has always lived unto me.. and I dearly appreciate him being that sort of man.. in most ways I did not take it for granted.. though there were some areas I needed a brick & to grow in...


I've seen this article picked apart...example HERE (from a wife yet)... when it came to the sex part, she said she'd rather be "carried away in a taxi to the airport for a weekend with her girlfriends", his being transparent is
....she'd rather have wine with her GF's over her husband holding her too much & suggested Gerald Rogers must have listened too many times to Bruno Mars's When I Was Your Man ...

I can be as critical as the next woman for sure.. but in this case.. I think to myself.. WOW ... REALLY [email protected]$% .. I found her responses cold & sarcastic & I sure didn't get the idea she cared much about her husband, but enjoyed a lot of space from him..(well maybe he is an a$$)...hopefully he felt the same or I'd feel bad for that guy!)...

My point... that's the nature of articles I guess.. and even marriages.. we just don't see things the same or want the same things.. or at the very least, the same intensity & affection that another couple may thrive on..

I wanted to give a flip side to this.. and speak from the wife's perspective how to Love, honor and cherish our men....to not take them for granted.. I am a better wife today than I was yesterday... and I have seen what THIS has done for my Husband's spirit, he came more alive unto me... how it has revived US to higher ground.
 

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Re: 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands - Shake it up & Rock his world

*** Before I lay these out there...I have a caring well intentioned Husband in mind... (not perfect, no one is!)...but also not a willfully neglectful man who leaves us emotionally cringing due to his demeaning treatment of us as wives...if the woman is not feeling Loved by her husband..at least half of the time...these will be near impossible to follow.. her spirit towards him will be wilted, their will be resentment.... both need to do their part..

Sometimes we can carry the other, believing there is HOPE...to Revive what once was...the premise of The Love Dare ..in getting back to the GOOD...

1.
....There is a book entitled.." Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs ... that gets to the heart of this very valuable marital lesson...so much of this is in the little things we do daily....in how we look at him to how we respond...

One wife said "‘I think that basically, you can’t just be in love with a man. I think you have got to admire him and like him."

Just a handful...

* When listening to him... be approachable, ask questions, show interest..even if you may not agree, try to understand his point of view...

* Find out what Domestic Support looks like to him & do the things that matter to him.

* If things are a little stressful, ask if there is anything you can do for him...and do it.

* Help him de-tox from his day by providing a quiet, calm environment for him to come home to.

* Try not to get frustrated if he doesn't express his feelings well as you would..

* Understand he may need some cave time or time with his friends.. allow him this..

* Do not interrupt him in conversation, speak over him.. or finish his sentences...NEVER demean him in public, or in front of friends, co-workers, relatives.

* When he has good insight, let him know, when he does something generous, acknowledge it, encourage him in his endeavors..

The respect we show for our husbands should be based on our desire to love them the way they need to be loved. It's recognizing what's important to THEM (whether or not we fully understand it). It's looking "not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others". ...otherwise it goes something like this >>
...if you click on this link.. Respect your Husband ..you can read about the 3 cycles (Crazy, Energizing & Rewarded) ...

101 Ways to Respect Your Husband

Disrespect borders "emasculating" our men ... When a man feels emasculated ..

2.
...Having read endless stories here how husbands just want to feel DESIRED by their wives & the emotional angst & pain he feels in his wife turning him away...he is more sensitive here than you would even understand...(I didn't grasp it back in the day either- flew right over my senses & my H wasn't trying to explain it to me either)...

I read this somewhere & I have to quote it:

Fulfilling our husbands sexually encompasses so much more than the physical act..it is embracing ALL that he is...It speaks our wanting to fully understand him and welcoming the sexual appetite that expresses his masculinity...It involves striving with him through weakness & temptation & covering his fears & failures. No magazine, no co-worker, no porn site can be this teammate and confidante for our husbands...This is our place, this is our power...this is our gift.. Unwrap it.
And I say to all women...ENJOY HIM NOW... because someday you may slip in his shoes -when he is slowing down...and you will want to be filled just as intensely.

I read this somewhere...Wives, the next time you refuse your Husbands advances to make love...go on a FOOD FAST the next day...and ask yourself what you was thinking about all day & how your stomach feels..this is how a man feels when he wants his wife.... it's a craving he just can't lay down when he is in love...it's not just a physical release for him...

Listening to the words of Bryan Adam's Please forgive me ..it hit me one day....this captures his emotional craving to be with us...

Please forgive me, I know not what I do
Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me, this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me, if I need you like I do
Please believe me, every word I say is true
Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you

Still feels like our best times are together
Feels like the first touch
We're still getting closer baby
Can't get closer enough
Still holding on
You're still number one
I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves
I remember you yeah
I remember the nights, you know I still do

So if you're feeling lonely, don't
You're the only one I'll ever want
I only want to make it good
So if I love you a little more than I should

The one thing I'm sure of
Is the way we make love
The one thing I depend on
Is for us to stay strongWith every word
and every breath I'm praying...

Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you
This article speaks of the deep emotional impact we have on our husbands...a man longs to be passionately wanted by his wife... "A man’s ability to perform sexually, to arouse & please his wife, is central to his confidence as a man. The impact ripples into practically every other area of his life".... Sex is an Emotional NEED...Male sexuality is a central part of who he is as both a man and a husband...

3. May we radiate a Positive Attitude......
... Can our husband's always count on a :)... kinds words...or does he enter the house walking on eggshells? of course we have bad days, wake up on the wrong side of the bed ....but the happy/ the bubbly should outweigh the negativity by 5 to 1...

Negativity can come in the form of cynicism, criticism, whining, attacking, pessimism, discontent, perfectionism, and hyper-intensity . All of these behaviors can push our husbands away...

Is Negativity Hurting Your Marriage?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 · (Edited)
Re: 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands - Shake it up & Rock his world

4. Men want us to know how much they love us..

This was a beautiful article - a survey to men ...the question was :

What is the one thing you wish your wife/significant other knew, but you feel you can’t explain to her or tell her?

Don't put yourself down, compare...Exude Confidence.... He doesn't see all the body flaws we think are so obvious...we can be over the top in this...comparing ourselves to others...or what they have/ do or wear... we need to focus on what’s good for us.... It’s a sure way to unhappiness & feelings of inadequacy if we're comparing ourselves to others.... there will always be someone younger, prettier, skinnier, wealthier, better dressed, etc. etc....

When we are confident in our own skin, our speech, our walk, our relationship with him, and our role as a wife, this IS attractive, he will be pleased.

5. Don't forget about DAD when our children enter our lives..... (one of my blunders)...Whatever you do, don't put the babies in bed with you!.. don't ask me what I was thinking... I wasn't [email protected]#$...

I've read a # of books on hormones.. many do not realize ...Just as "the pill" can zap our sex drive ....so also can Breast feeding....a nursing mother produces unusually high levels of prolactin, the chief chemical in charge of milk production..when a baby suckles, the hormone surges to 10 times it’s normal value ...then gradually decreases...returning to it’s original levels over the next 2 - 3 hrs..women who breast feed on a regular basis have altered prolactin levels which severely reduces their arousal/ sex drive. This can be a very difficult time on our husbands..

Then as they grow, we can become so wrapped up in the soccer Mom thing - running ourselves ragged...let us remember our dear husband's need our attention, our hands on affection, encouragement & admiration as much as, if not more so, than our children...

Get a sitter.. take time out for those DATE NIGHTS.. and Romantic overnights to recharge your marital passion for each other..

6. Stand by your Man... I asked my Husband to help me out with this.. this was his 1st response.. he answered when I stand beside him.. if he messes up, I don't push it back in his face...I'm supportive, even the strongest men need a soft place to fall....Be his #1 fan, walking beside him...I thought of that old country song "Stand by your Man"

Sometimes it's hard to be a woman
Giving all your love to just one man
You'll have bad times, and he'll have good times
Doin' things that you don't understand
But if you love him, you'll forgive him
Even though he's hard to understand
And if you love him, oh be proud of him
'Cause after all he's just a man.

Stand by your man, give him two arms to cling to
And something warm to come to
When nights are cold and lonely.
Stand by your man, and show the world you love him
Keep giving all the love you can.
Stand by your man.
7. Allow for some Mystery ...men still love a Challenge... just don't make it too complicated.. I am having a hard time writing about this one -because I am more of the "open book" type (his words)... though I can still offer a good challenge to his senses.. or lets say.. never stop being Creative & bringing some of that back to HIM.... shaking things up a bit.. .. there is always something NEW to dig up and learn about each other...I liked this article..

Her Mystery Challenges Men though this was geared more while dating..on the next page it says "Prior to marriage, mystique adds to her extraordinariness. After marriage her extraordinariness flows from other things that compliment him, complement his presence, and bless their marriage with her primal drive to nest and nurture."...

8.
..an element of surprise...Spontaneity in a relationship can be that spark that keeps the fire roaring. In the beginning, everything is New & EXCITING, but in time - routine sets in.. Comfort is all good but it can also weaken the freshness ...

So do things "Just because".. don't wait for a holiday...take a detour on the way home, visit an old make out site, plan a last minute trip... hear something that inspires/ see a clip on Tv, have a
moment...Bring it to Life!......

Greet him at the door in something ravishing (no, better naked with a Bow)....pull him upstairs ...some spontaneous lust is a real treat for our men !..
.

I heard Luther Vandross's "Dance with my Father" on the radio one night driving home...listening to those words... I decided to throw my husband a special dance on his B-day days away...me & the daughter got all dolled up -he was so surprised when he walked through that door after work.. very precious night that will live in his memory...

That's what it's about.. and don't forget to capture some photos along the way!

9. Affirm Him.... a man wants to be around a woman who makes him feel like he is winning...when you see him goofing off with the kids & their laughing like crazy... it just makes you feel Good all over - let him know he is an awesome Father...when he is there for you, moments that carried you through the day, when he's done those little things...tell him how it made you feel...in the bedroom, that he can still get your heart racing.. Sing his praises.. let him know >>
.. (this will be much easier to do if your husband is not one who is egocentric of course... mine is very humble so I enjoy lifting him up).
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 · (Edited)
Re: 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands - Shake it up & Rock his world

10 Pick up the tool belt...when he needs a hand...Be his helpmate...
......be willing to get our hands dirty with him....he will be impressed...he may even brag about you to the guys he works with..


11. Dress for Him ... seems so often we get all dressed up/ looking pretty fine...to go out with our Girlfriends, even on the job, to church...but we forget to dress "just for our husbands"... if he mentions he likes to see you in skirts...wear them -even around the house -during your chores !....

If the kids are gone in the am, put on some heels & cook his breakfast in some lingerie.. ...this just heightens the passion in your marriage, your effort to please him in this way...Oh he'll be after you.. but that's all the FUN !

I was so foolish here in our younger yrs...could kick myself now, I would wear "Little house on the Prairie" night gowns.. Husband should have burned them all !.... Went on a sexy Lingerie kick a few yrs back.. really turned up the heat ! ..TIP :Ebay has a lot of HOT things ladies ...if you're on a budget...

Husband's SO appreciate the efforts we make to maintain our attractiveness to them.

12. Our husbands desire to Please us...how important to communicate our WANTS clearly... Men are not mind readers..
...I was reading an article about this.. and one of the responses was ....." I like to tell my wife “Start with the punchline”…to help keep me in the conversation. Sometimes if I know where the conversation is going to end, I can then enjoy the story of getting there."...

13. Join him in something he enjoys / His Hobbies .... Recreational Companionship ...... Whatever your husband is into, show interest.. go along with him, share in his passion in some way..

If he likes to invite his buddies for Super Bowl Sunday.. cook up a storm & be a good sport for his night with the Boys... you still play a big part ..

If your husband wants to start a work out program, exercise together ! My H takes a day off work every year for an annual coin show, I don't know much about coins...but I always go!...Because he enjoys some Metal Detecting, once I planned a trip to a Campground that had a Weekend devoted to Treasure Hunts (something different)... Just looking into things they ENJOY..and being a Part of that.. it goes a long way.

14. Cook up his favorite dish..

...Of course men cook today too!.. (though my H doesn't -unless it's Mickey mouse pancakes for the kids)......Preparing a special meal for our husbands, it's still good foreplay for our men.. be clued in to what he savors...it's putting a part of our heart's on that dish to him...it makes them feel greatly cared for after a hard days work... we, too, feel fulfilled seeing the enjoyment putting it down!... The time and effort we put into our cooking, preparing is felt through his satisfaction... It's nice to get compliments too!

15. To honor him with Honesty..our Loyalty and TRUST...

Are You Building Trust into Your Relationship

Trust involves a whole array of complex feelings like faith, belief, hope, conviction, confidence, expectation, dependence, and reliance. In other words, it is a huge emotional investment which, if abused, can increase your vulnerability to a lot of pain and heartache....this is so a 2 way street to build this foundation...



16. Be Playful...
...Men love a woman who can laugh at his jokes...who isn't mindless but isn't always serious about everything either...

"Not sweating the small stuff" as they say....When we have a bad day/ when things go wrong... sure we get upset... but can we also just hang back & laugh about the Madness, finding it's silver lining... bringing some humor into it.. it's almost like a release...

I have found in life, if everything went perfectly, we'd miss all those outrageous mishaps along the way, in recounting some of those, I have just about "peed my pants".... Laughter is a great aphrodisiac !


Onto relationship dynamics....for us to OWN our own hand in any squabble...if we were being sarcastic, getting a little rude & he calls us out.. just admit it !! This he can work with...taking responsibility for our emotions ...we've had moments like this .....so often this leads to some really FUN "Bantering" between us....this is part of our Playfulness even.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 · (Edited)
Re: 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands - Shake it up & Rock his world

17. Be Sensual ...Initiate him! ..do you air a sexiness that will draw his eyes to you when you enter the room..Embracing your femininity.. On the heels of "dressing for him"... we don't need to strut around in heels dressed like a Victoria Secret model every night, but we should feel comfortable in your expressing our sensuality to our man..

Our Initiating him ...is deeply meaningful and moving to our husbands... in this he feels deeply loved/ wanted... And don't forget BJ's either.. don't wait for "
to arrive.. honor him with pleasure, he will want to give you the world!

Us women generally take longer to get in the mood (what's that saying.. men are like microwaves, while we are the "slow cookers").... but don’t always wait for "that feeling"...do this because we love him...the arousal will be on it's way..if we're a receptive lover (so many women are)...his responding to us will turn the heat up!.. it's a win/ win....

And be creative here...“Let’s go to bed.” is a little too simple (though many wouldn't mind that!)...You might suddenly join him when he's showering...or whisper in his ear “I am craving you" with your hands reaching lower...telling him what you want to do to him... Throw a chill down his spine..

18. Meet his Companionship Need... Some will not agree with this.. but I know my own husband feels this way...he's said a # of times..."if a couple doesn't want to spend time together, why get married at all?"..... I read a beautiful article on the dance between a woman & a man...it spoke of meeting his "Aloneness need", this companionship need... it's also affirming his sexual identity , protecting him from temptation -which keeps him for life.. ...our "oneness" is a unity of Mind, body spirit..

It speaks to what "to have" and "to hold" means in the wedding vows.. I found it very inspiring...even if my faith is more Deistic these days..

God has given us women the privilege and the ability to bring life to our husbands with our love.

19.

There is a couple Proverbs that speak to a wife's quarreling like a continual dripping of rain...& another that says "it is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house with a quarrelsome wife.”...We all have our moments (pms anyone ?)... but we don't want to be those wives !.. Spare our dear husbands ..

Our husbands want a partner who can laugh at herself ... They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it having that self-awareness ..our taking responsibility for our emotional experience..

There was a recent thread here >> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ever-listen-me-aka-blah-blah-blah-effect.html .. which illustrates a point.. what men & women seek in communication often is different..us women like to go on about our feelings, Bad day -we want to VENT...(we are wired empathetic nurturers -but boy can we be sensitive & get steamed!)... we seek to be understood / validated....

Our husbands are wired FIXERS / Protectors... they like to get to the point...some selectively tune out too much emotional detail -in just wanting to "fix it" and move on ... Problem solved..... If we see he is not engaged... the give & take is waning ...it's time to back away..condense our woes to him at the very least...it will make it easier for him to be there, hug us.. and comfort us.

20.Our happiness means so much to our Husbands... Yes.. you read this right..If he married you, He wanted and envisioned your happiness.. then too often Life, routine, kids , STRESS gets in the way... our attitudes flare, we INFECT each other... My husband did laugh at this one, he gave me a funny look & said "Not the guys I work with !"...it's more like this saying...


....I guess this varies by the man.. but I DO believe each started out THIS way...

Author Shaunti Feldhahn says in her book "For Women Only"... "One of the primary indicators a husband uses to determine if he is successful as a husband, a father and a man is – his wife’s happiness."

When your husband sees you light up with delight because of something HE did – this empowers him. Then he is motivated to do even more for you because you gave him the gift of your happiness.

..There is something to be said for having a thankful heart...Happiness is not about acquiring a certain level of success ..it's so often appreciating "the little things"....offering forgiveness instead of holding onto a grudge ....or expecting the other to cave during an argument.. Hard as it may be...count our blessings...

Practice Gratitude.... which line are we in ?


In closing...


Feedback...Ladies, husbands..... what you would add, take away...revise...please share !
 

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Re: 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands - Shake it up & Rock his world

You always work so hard on your posts, SA! So interesting and colorful! :)

As you know, I have a low-maintenance guy. Hardly seems to have any needs, even-tempered, just always seems pretty happy with me, no matter what. I bet a lot of gals can relate to what you wrote, though.

Dh is away until Sat. He has been gone for almost 3 weeks. I really miss him.
 

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Re: 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands - Shake it up & Rock his world

You always work so hard on your posts, SA! So interesting and colorful! :)

As you know, I have a low-maintenance guy. Hardly seems to have any needs, even-tempered, just always seems pretty happy with me, no matter what. I bet a lot of gals can relate to what you wrote, though.

Dh is away until Sat. He has been gone for almost 3 weeks. I really miss him.
I would count my H Low maintenance in many many ways also.. he is NOT a complainer on any level at all, I could even kick him for this in our past...

Though he is very sensitive to my wanting him sexually -even if he says nothing ...if I didn't have an orgasm - he'd not feel fulfilled either....he would never verbalize this in a pressuring way...it's just that we've talked about these things ...he is just so much of a pleaser, this is where his satisfaction lies...this might drive another woman CRAZY but I LOVE THIS ...as I want mine every single time anyway, or I might pound on him!....

..And he'd never touch me again if I seemed "blah - not into it"...if that attitude started...I'd have to come to him....(he would grow a silent resentment over this though)....

And as strange as this may sound, I ADORE these things about him (his neediness in these areas)...because I feel the same darn way....this is why I reacted so strongly on Neuklas's "I'm tried of trying" thread ...:eek:

I'd say you are very Low maintenance too Jld - just because of the living situation you & H are in...going WEEKS without seeing each other, touching each other.. I'd be climbing the walls...scrambling for him to get a different job so he could be home every night.

He didn't pass his last welding test out of town, just found out yesterday... so off he goes again for another week or so soon.. in all our yrs together, the longest we've been separated is 5 days/ a week at a time.
 

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Re: 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands - Shake it up & Rock his world

I am sorry Mr SA has to go away again. I know that is hard on you. :(

Lol, it is kind of funny to hear that dh and I are both low-maintenance. Life is pretty simple at our house, I guess. :D
 
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Re: 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands - Shake it up & Rock his world

12. Our husbands desire to Please us...how important to communicate our WANTS clearly

20. Our happiness means so much to our Husbands.
That's me. Here's a quote I like, "One of my male students explained it best. 'If she’s happy, it makes me happier.' This is the life-giving secret: He judges how well he is doing by the happiness of the woman he is with. The measure of his manhood is how happy you are. The happier you are, the happier he will be. When you are turned on, there’s nothing he can’t do."

For the past 10 or so years I haven't had to travel more than a week or two per year. My dad is in Florida and rather sick so I've going down there quite often and regularly, only 5 days at time but still it strains. OK, part is the stress from his health but we both do much better when together.
 

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Re: 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands - Shake it up & Rock his world

Geez SA

Sometimes, you make me cry.
Trickster.. you are a Great guy.. when I read your pouring your story out on your ..."Is Friendship/ Companionship enough ?" thread...the more you shared, the more I felt your pain....now that got ME choked up!!.. it's the other side of this... what happens to us when these needs are not fulfilled.. I really don't know how you do it..

When you spoke of how there was NEVER any passion... yet no one could ever understand how much you love your wife, she was the one who stayed with you despite the wreckage of your past...she was your 1st GF, the 1st you held hands with ..then having your daughter, how you couldn't bear to hurt her & rip up her home....also how your wife was OK if you dated other women.. leaving your both tired & numb...

This part :
Trickster said: I mostly want to experience love...I have so much love in me to give to people wanting to receive it...all kinds of love...to clients, older married couples who act as seragate parents, neighbors, female friends, the waitress, and even animals...My love and compassion for other people will NEVER diminish my love for my wife and daughter. They are and always will be my world...I will always be a giver...I enjoy making others feel good...At some point, I want/need that love reflected back to me...
Your sacrifice...damn it's commendable.. so unconditional even...yet I can't help but want to scream ...YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE [email protected]#$....then that post you left on SB's thread.. it's gone, but It stuck in my mind to how deeply these things CAN affect a man...

I just hope you find your way Trickster. You deserve this..and your daughter is very blessed to have you.. and your wife too as I don't feel another man would be nearly as patient, hopeful , loving and kind...
 

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Re: 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands - Shake it up & Rock his world

I am sorry Mr SA has to go away again. I know that is hard on you. :(
No, not really, when it's temporary... it's nothing.. it does build some sweet anticipation though!

Lol, it is kind of funny to hear that dh and I are both low-maintenance. Life is pretty simple at our house, I guess. :D
I have my own theory on the high/ low maintenance thing.. I think we all CAN BE in some areas..(lifestyle expectations, material expectations, Romance, affection, time, sex ...as a few examples).... but then lesser in other areas.. over someone else...ya know.. none of it has to be a problem if our spouse FITS with us -in those higher expectations...but if not.. yes.. let the misunderstandings..hurt feelings...and fighting begin....
 

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Re: 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands - Shake it up & Rock his world

That's me. Here's a quote I like, "One of my male students explained it best. 'If she’s happy, it makes me happier.' This is the life-giving secret: He judges how well he is doing by the happiness of the woman he is with. The measure of his manhood is how happy you are. The happier you are, the happier he will be. When you are turned on, there’s nothing he can’t do."

For the past 10 or so years I haven't had to travel more than a week or two per year. My dad is in Florida and rather sick so I've going down there quite often and regularly, only 5 days at time but still it strains. OK, part is the stress from his health but we both do much better when together.
You 2 are a fine match Charlie Parker and in this...you have the same mindset as my Husband has... Us ladies are very blessed by this !

richardsharpe said :
Great post. Also, I think you could apply pretty much all of those things to what a husband should do for his wife.
SolidSnake (I've enjoyed many of your postings)...and Richardsharpe for your comments... :)

Yes, the majority can be turned around to how to love & cherish us wives...(I was allowing for Gerald Rogers link in my opening post to give some inspiration there)...though some would say he went too far in some of his..(though I think it depends on the woman -if she doesn't abuse it)...just like these...

2 of these, I feel, would not FIT so well turned around though... ..I don't think the majority of women want any more Initiation from their horny husbands ~ they'd rather cuddle, suck up the affection, then be happy if he'd just go to :sleeping:...without reaching for her hot spots. (unless she is in Mid life of course- there are exceptions! :D)

This article touches on that... Love, sex and the male brain - CNN.com

Perhaps the biggest difference between the male and female brain is that men have a sexual pursuit area that is 2.5 times larger than the one in the female brain. Not only that, but beginning in their teens, they produce 20 to 25-fold more testosterone than they did during pre-adolescence.

If testosterone were beer, a 9-year-old boy would be getting the equivalent of a cup a day. But a 15-year-old would be getting the equivalent of nearly two gallons a day. This fuels their sexual engines and makes it impossible for them to stop thinking about female body parts and sex.
Also.. although Husbands may put their Job over their wives, some hobby, or hanging with buddies.... I rarely hear women complaining that her Husband is putting the kids before her.. .. it's just not a common thing for Moms to get worked up over...that Dad is too involved with his kids...(unless maybe he is coaching a team or something)....though Jld has mentioned this...feeling sometimes she comes after the kids.

I think when men DO communicate, they say what they need to say ...yet they fail to express the emotions behind it many times .. where as women are often too emotional... Men rarely Nag, they just get angry... then back away...

It's a Brain differential.. I looked some of these up...isn't it generally true!





This is making a little fun.... but I bet many women would attest !
 

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Re: 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands - Shake it up & Rock his world

Good evening simplyamorous
I would have thought that men were much more interested in and more likely to pursue women than the reverse until I started reading discussion groups like this. To my surprise it seems as many women as men feel sexually neglected in their relationships. :scratchhead:

Not what I expected, and one of the reasons I enjoy reading these groups (along with my never ending joy at hearing myself speak...:eek:)

Maybe this is a very non-random statistical sampling - people here are likely to have some sort of relationship problem and maybe we are getting a very biased sample of women.


BTW - your male brain / female brain chart is wrong: Many men have a very substantial Chocolate lobe :)

You are also missing the "dangerous things that go really fast" lobe. :smthumbup:
 

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Re: 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands - Shake it up & Rock his world

Lol, SA. I remembered the listening particle for men, but totally missed the mystery moods and behaviors one for women. Hilarious!

Yes, dh has been one to put the kids before me, and certainly before himself. He feels a great deal of responsibility for our children. He always wanted to be a father, I think.

Someone joked when we were first together that dh could be a guy having a dozen kids. A man he worked with thought about it a minute and said, Yep, I could see Dug doing that.

But my body could never handle that. It was worn out after five.

About your second to last section . . . Dh was just telling a man today that all these tests women give are just ways of asking, "Do you love me?" They are nothing to be scared of. And it is easiest if they are passed.
 
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Re: 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands - Shake it up & Rock his world

Good evening simplyamorous
I would have thought that men were much more interested in and more likely to pursue women than the reverse until I started reading discussion groups like this. To my surprise it seems as many women as men feel sexually neglected in their relationships. :scratchhead:

Not what I expected, and one of the reasons I enjoy reading these groups (along with my never ending joy at hearing myself speak...:eek:)

Maybe this is a very non-random statistical sampling - people here are likely to have some sort of relationship problem and maybe we are getting a very biased sample of women.
I landed here because my sex drive was HIGHER and I didn't like it...it was unrelenting & rather tormenting.... I suddenly got a taste of what my H felt for the 1st 19 yrs..and for the life of me, I will never understand his patience & passivity when he wanted more.. at times I had meltdowns wishing he was 20 yrs younger..I even sent him to get his Test checked !... that phase lasted 8 months, then it eased up...now our drives are in sync..

So statistically speaking ..can any of us be boxed?.... it's too individual, various stages of our lives can alter these hormonal balances...(though much of sex is in the mind too)... for instance, some bi-polar's have "hypersexuality"...wouldn't matter whether they were male or female...they'd need meds to help cope with that.

So yeah... the Majority of female posters HERE are high drive...they land here to cope with this (which is commendable).. I came here to distract myself -I was reading so many books on Sex, Hormones & spicing, I might as well be of some service, always loved forums anyway..

And the ones who are LOW DRIVE & start complaining they should only have to accompany their Husbands WHEN THEY FEEL LIKE IT - maybe twice a month (perhaps)...leave pretty quickly after they get cyber "beat up"...for their "I shouldn't have to" attitude...

Then there are stories where the man is expecting WAY TOO MUCH or Porn star behavior every night & she is left feeling Used, abused, resentful & beside herself (this is NOT Ok either).... some kind of healthy balance needs found in all these relationships...

BTW - your male brain / female brain chart is wrong: Many men have a very substantial Chocolate lobe :)
Yeah our 2nd son seems to love it as much as me.. I know one thing, my lobe is about THAT BIG...


You are also missing the "dangerous things that go really fast" lobe. :smthumbup:
Even this varies from man to man.. My husband has always been very safety conscious ...he's never been interested in dangerous anything...(I do so love this about him though!)....even if we compared Driving, I am more of the Lead foot by far...:)
 

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Re: 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands - Shake it up & Rock his world

I honestly don't even know what I'd do if my wife treated me like this.

Not lying, it's genuinely hard for me to imagine.
 
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