Oh, MEM, I know I was alpha in the house. I KNOW I did not want to change things, ( like most dominant people, i saw no reason to change )
Lord! I KNOW now he was unhappy and I did not " get it ".. Never said I was innocent.
I thought things were, well, good. Ups and downs, but assuredly a good life lead by two decent people.
The punishment for being super mom should not be to be villainized, that's how I feel. Way back then, he wanted change, without working on himself he forced the issue, .....on, apparently, me.
I was not ready to accept that I was "the problem.", like he wanted to say. (at this time I did not know about his female co worker friend) Hell, I gave 110% for my family.... Apparently it was not enough.
I try not to think about it, but it makes me sad.
Yeah, he was in an inappropriate friendship at work... He got "go home and be a real man" advice...
I feel I paid dearly... For doing what I THOUGHT I was supposed to
Yeah, I know that sounds sorry for myself. He seemed to me, and. Those who knew him, like a switch was flipped...
today, he would tell you he is a better man.
It has been a long time since he has done anything Decietful/cruel / mean, but I still can't shake the horrible feelings sometimes. I don't know if my " full love" will come back.
As you can see, I still have a hard time accepting my responsibility for what happened.... I honestly do not feel I was this much at fault.
This is probably why I am still angry,
The anger fades, over time, but I'd like to have a trusting, loving relationship.