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2 things troubling me

1825 Views 5 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  costa200, 
H
currently I have 2 things I am struggling with:
1. Hiding or withholding full truth (mostly about things he feels I will get mad about). I feel this is his way of doing and enjoying whatever he pleases without a negative cloud over his activities. We have had many discussions about how it makes me more angry to find things out after the fact but it continues to happen.
2. Opposite sex friendship. He blindsided me by bringing an out of state "friend" home to meet me. I didn't know he was so close with this woman that he felt the need to go out of his way to entertain her while she was in town. I was excluded from the very appropriate group party hosted by other friends and their wives. He tried to make me believe that he just found out days before that she was coming to town. However his phone records show that he called her 1 month before and talked for 25 min. In the heated arguement that followed, he said "The only thing I have done wrong is not hiding this from you" and "I will not give up this friendship for you." Later, when things cooled down, he said "it will never happen again". My gut tells me that he will just be more careful to hide it.
I used to think we had a strong marriage. Now I have many doubts.
How do others feel about this? Am I being irrational? Is it worth giving up 35 years of marriage?
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The Middleman
This is just toxic in every way, shape and form. There is no way I can think of to put a positive spin on what he is doing.

Here are some thoughts:
  • Sit him down and go over boundaries in your marriage. Clearly he has none.
  • He is a lier. You can't trust anything he says. Understand that when you speak with him.
  • The opposite sex friend has to go. There is no good that can come from having close opposite sex friends in a marriage. He already said that he is not going to give up the friendship for you so clearly he made his choice (don't believe the stuff he said the next day, it's bull$hit. He meant what he said the first time). Sit him down one more time and tel him, her or me. Just be prepared to leave if he says her.
  • Your posting didn't mention if you had kids. If you don't, DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN! You are going to need the flexibility to leave this marriage if your husband doesn't grow up. And quickly
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