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2 things troubling me

1826 Views 5 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  costa200
currently I have 2 things I am struggling with:
1. Hiding or withholding full truth (mostly about things he feels I will get mad about). I feel this is his way of doing and enjoying whatever he pleases without a negative cloud over his activities. We have had many discussions about how it makes me more angry to find things out after the fact but it continues to happen.
2. Opposite sex friendship. He blindsided me by bringing an out of state "friend" home to meet me. I didn't know he was so close with this woman that he felt the need to go out of his way to entertain her while she was in town. I was excluded from the very appropriate group party hosted by other friends and their wives. He tried to make me believe that he just found out days before that she was coming to town. However his phone records show that he called her 1 month before and talked for 25 min. In the heated arguement that followed, he said "The only thing I have done wrong is not hiding this from you" and "I will not give up this friendship for you." Later, when things cooled down, he said "it will never happen again". My gut tells me that he will just be more careful to hide it.
I used to think we had a strong marriage. Now I have many doubts.
How do others feel about this? Am I being irrational? Is it worth giving up 35 years of marriage?
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You ALREADY KNOW that hiding his relationship with this woman is not the ONLY thing he's hiding from you.

Are there OTHER WOMEN? He does not have to be having sexual relations with them to be having an affair. He is, most probably, having an emotional affair with this woman.

He does NOT respect you. He hides his activities from you so that he can
continue to do whatever he pleases
continue to do things he KNOWS you disapprove of
continue to cultivate this inappropriate emotional relationship that he has FLATLY refused to quit

Is this a DEAL-BREAKER for you? How do YOU feel about being married to a man who lies to you, deceives you, has no respect for your feelings, is carrying on with another woman, etc. He is getting SOME EMOTIONAL NEED(s) MET from this woman that he is NOT getting from you. That being said, WHAT (if anything) have you two done about improving your marriage and getting both of your needs met? Anything?

Only you can decide if this is worth giving up 35 years of marriage.

What if you found out he was having sex with her? What if you found out he was telling her your personal business? What if you found out he was telling her what a bad wife you are? What if you found out he was telling her 'I love you', 'I miss you', etc.

I think you need to DEMAND marital counseling with your husband. If he refuses, then you need to get individual counseling to help you come to terms with where you stand in your life and what is the best future for you. A professional can help you get there.

Good luck and keep coming to TAM, we'll be here for you!
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