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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I have been with my fiance for a good 12 years and we have three children. I'm not sure why we are not married at this point, perhaps it is because we both have issues with commitment. I'm perfectly happy wearing the ring and living the life and not actually having the papers that say we're married. Is there something wrong with that?

Anyway that's not why I'm writing. We've been together for 12 years, in the begining of our relationship, he cheated on me while I was pregnant with our first child. From which I contracted an STD. I forgave him. His apology seemed really sincere. I forgave him. Later on down the line, I'd say at our 8th year together, he attended a party where sexual activities were taking place. He couldn't keep his hands to himself, and touched his friend's wife. (just touching, no sex) I forgave him for that because technically there was no sex.

So I decided I was going to rebell and have myself a little fun as well. Since then I think I've done more in the way of cheating than he has, it's been two years now, a few sex partners. With me, it's just sex and fun, no emotions. He is the only one I love. I know he feels the same about me.

Well a few days ago, he told me that he'd cheated on me again in the month of December and contracted another STD. WTF. In all honesty, I don't really care that he had sex with someone else. Could it be because I knew I had been cheating too?

My concern and greatest fear, is contracting something that I won't be able to get rid of. He obviously does not use protection. I'm at a cross roads. I feel like anyone else would leave him. I don't want to give him the opportunity to give me that deadly disease, but I can't imagine not being with him. He's a good guy, and we have an excellent relationship. Hardly ever fight. But its not fair that he does these things to me with basically no reprecussions.

I know this would probably complicate things a lot, but I want to suggest to him that as a possible solution, we Swing with rules. At least that way we can both get those urges taken care of and we both would be there and aware of what's going on. I would know who he was with and verify that he is wearing protection. At least before I just let him go. But I don't think he'll go for it. If that's the case, I'm thinking of seperating from him for a while. What do you think?
 

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With STDs you want to swing and possibly infect a network of people?

I also talk on other forums. The topic of swinging came up and I have a friend who is big into swinging. It really isn't for everyone. It will really test jealousy to the max. If you are not both truly ready and excepting of the lifestyle then it will not help the relationship it will destoy it in a hurry.

draconis
 

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personally, i would not allow my boyfriend and i to swing, but if this is both of your preference then i suggest you meet other married/unmarried couples who swing and do it together. i watched this show "the secret lives of women" where women and their husbands swing with other married couples. both of them foremost set up rules for each other and what each of them can and cannot do. such as what is sacred to you both that cannot be done with anybody else. certain pet names that can or cannot be used. to use protection. what positions are allowed or not. etc etc. so once both of you have down rules, you can contact with other swingers and find do an interview with the other couple. this couple can be a long time "monogamous" couple whereas it's just that couple with the both of you and you (plural) all have great sex together. the one thing that you should take into decision-making is foremost 1) interviewing other couples for disease 2) getting a weekly/bi-weekly check-up together 3) wearing protection 4) conducting sexual relations with all parties in the same room so everyone sees what is going on 5) if you dont like what you're seeing or vice versa that you have a signal or just say stop and it's over especially when the laid down rules are violated.

i'm not egging you to do this swinger's life, especially personally when it's not my lifestyle, but if this is what BOTH of you have decided then perhaps, this is the best way and you know who both of you are sleeping with since both of you are doing it together.
 

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How do you think he will take swinging? Have you told him that you cheated too? If not it may open his eyes that he isn't the only 'IT' person in the relationship.

I see where you are coming from with the idea of swinging, but think twice... Will you actually enjoy watching someone else pleasure your fiance? Or do you think he will enjoy watching someone else pleasure you?

There may come a point when you will have to evaluate your self-worth in the relationship. The fact that you have contracted STDs from the one person you should be able to trust the most is a scary thing. Are you being valued? If not, why stick it out... People sometimes need a reality check...

I don't mean to upset you or step outline so i apologize in advance... good luck...
 

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On another forum this topic came up from people who did swing and those that tried it and had their marriage/relationship explode. If you do it be sure you know exactly what you are doing, what it can do to your relationship, communicate before on the rules and how each would/might feel. Always use protection.

draconis
 

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I am all for couples spicing things up as long an both parties agree and mental, emotional and physical health is not compromised. By allowing you and your partner to swing you are compromising the relationship, the trust and your health. Why doing it? It makes no sense to me.

Jenna Jameson says in her book: “I’ve never seen a swinger couple work out: usually, one person will fall in love with the other first, but will keep their mouth shut until one day they just blow up and let it all out. And when they do, it’s such an overload of emotions and feelings that it scares the other person off.” (Pg. 334)

And if swingers can't keep a healthy, happy relationship, what makes you think if you agree this will work out?
 

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To swing or not to swing is a personal decision that only the two of you can make, however, when it comes to STDs, he doesn't seem to be swinging in the right places (or the right ways).

To swing safely, I would advise finding a group in your area that swings (they are all over the place). Many of them have group rules to abide by when swinging, and in addition you can add your own rules to it.

I don't think I could do it. I'm not a jealous person by nature, but I have met my green eyed beast from time to time and I don't like her! I wouldn't agree to do anything that would bring her out in me!
 

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Honestly I think that you two need to work on the problems you both have with being honest with each other before you even consider swinging. If you cannot trust each other and respect each other then I just think that adding this lifestyle is not going to help right now. I am not being mean saying the above just giving you my honest opinion.
 
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