[lovelygirl]

OSF = opposite sex friend.

So there's this very-long-time OSF of mine [for whom I've talked about a few times here].
Since he moved into my city a couple of months ago, he has asked me several times [almost every week] to go over at his apartment, to watch a movie and spend the night there.

On a side note to give some history: We have shared beds together in the past. Nothing has really happened except for him cuddling up with me and caressing me during the night....but neither have I responded nor have I rejected. This happened whenever we used to travel while always ended up getting one hotel room in order not to spend money.
Even when we had separate beds he would always get into my bed.
In the past, we had discussed about being in a relationship together but I rejected the idea due to his instability when in a relationship and WE agreed not to take it further.
So, we don't come up with the idea of being in a relationship together anymore and I think we're indifferent to this idea.

Fast forward , he asked me again today to go over at his place but I'm still hesitant.
What is the point really? Why should two OSF sleep in the same bed when there are chances to avoid this? What's the point of him caressing me, cuddling up with me, kissing my cheek and neck at night, touching my back and arms ..massaging them, ... when he's just a friend?

To me, that's not a friendly act. It's what lovers do.
He says there's nothing wrong and that's how really close friends act. Is it true? Am I wrong?

Do any of you guys do this with you OSF if you're single? Did you use to in the past?
Would you?

 

[KanDo]

you aren't serious, are you? Off course this is not normal friend stuff

 

[Maricha75]

Uhhh, no. Friends don't do that kind of thing. You do that when you're dating/in a relationship. Sounds like he still wants that with you, but isn't saying it because you stated you don't want more than friendship.

 

[lovelygirl]

He's been living in Italy for years and Italians have this tendency of sharing the same bed and acting too friendly/close with OSF as if they were lovers. Maybe that's why I don't blame him that much. He's got it from that culture?
THat's why I put it up for discussion because some guys have it just in them to act that way towards their female friends.
But it's still weird to me, althugh he keeps on telling me that I should free myself from complexities and be more easy going.

If this is just a trap to make me open my legs for him or if he's naturally like this with all his female friends... , is something I'll never be able to tell.

 

[unbelievable]

You're a woman, he's a guy. He wants in your pants. Nothing unusual or abnormal about that. An "agreement" to hop into the rack with you without any expectation of sex is about as binding as a tiger "agreeing" to just cuddle with a steak. I'll save you a lot of confusion as you navigate through life as a female. Guys want to have sex with you. We are more than happy to lie to you to get your knickers off. We will pretend to like your mother, like your cat, find your poems interesting. There are no purely platonical straight male/straight female intimate relationships. Unless a guy shared the same womb with you, he's not "like a brother". You are meat and men are carnivores. I'm sure some men find you interesting in other aspects as well, but you are primarily meat. A male chipmunk doesn't hang around a female chipmunk for fascinating conversation. People aren't all that different.

 

[Stonewall]

You're a woman, he's a guy. He wants in your pants. Nothing unusual or abnormal about that. An "agreement" to hop into the rack with you without any expectation of sex is about as binding as a tiger "agreeing" to just cuddle with a steak. I'll save you a lot of confusion as you navigate through life as a female. Guys want to have sex with you. We are more than happy to lie to you to get your knickers off. We will pretend to like your mother, like your cat, find your poems interesting. There are no purely platonical straight male/straight female intimate relationships. Unless a guy shared the same womb with you, he's not "like a brother". You are meat and men are carnivores. I'm sure some men find you interesting in other aspects as well, but you are primarily meat. A male chipmunk doesn't hang around a female chipmunk for fascinating conversation. People aren't all that different.

This!

 

[okeydokie]

yeah, he is hoping to flip your switch. as long as you dont resist the touching he thinks he has that chance

 

[unbelievable]

"Nothing has really happened except for him cuddling up with me."
(note: His idea. He cuddled up next to you. Not, "we cuddled".

he would always get into my bed.
(note Again, his idea.)

"we had discussed about being in a relationship together but I rejected the idea." Note: Author doesn't clearly indicate who brought this idea up, but it sounds like the idea originated with him and was shot down by her.. Again, his move.

"he asked me again today to go over at his place" Again, his idea.

See a pattern? He quite clearly wants to bang your brains out. Each of his actions clearly are designed to achieve one and only one purpose...to separate you from your drawers. Another helpful hint that will serve you well throughout your life: Any time a person's words do not agree with their actions, ALWAYS BELIEVE THEIR ACTIONS. I could tell you I'm Christopher Columbus. If it could get me laid, I very well might. The wolf didn't hop into Grandma's bedclothes because he was a transvestite.

 

[Dollystanford]

he wants to sleep with you and he's hoping to wear you down until you succumb

 

[lovelygirl]

"we had discussed about being in a relationship together but I rejected the idea." Note: Author doesn't clearly indicate who brought this idea up, but it sounds like the idea originated with him and was shot down by her.. Again, his move.

He brought up the idea. I joined the discussion but then gave it an end.

 

[Mishy]

He's been living in Italy for years and Italians have this tendency of sharing the same bed and acting too friendly/close with OSF as if they were lovers. Maybe that's why I don't blame him that much. He's got it from that culture?

Where the hell did you read this?

I am Italian and we DO NOT act as you described.

We have boundaries, OSF do not sleep together.


:scratchhead:

 

[Lon]

LG, no matter what he wants, do what you are comfortable with. You already said you are uncomfortable with sharing a bed with him, and the reason why is perfectly clear - you even have had many guys and gals confirm - so if he was a friend he would not want to make you uncomfortable.

 

[SimplyAmorous]

He is weaseling his way into getting the lovely girl in bed !!

If you don't want this man in any way shape or form, don't go hanging out anywhere where you are alone. Period.

Friends don't DO that!!

 

[LearningLifeQDay]

"Where the hell did you read this?
I am Italian and we DO NOT act as you described.
We have boundaries, OSF do not sleep together." Thanks Mishy, I was trying to sort that information out. I was just on the phone to the travel agency..."Where to? 'Italy, please.' " You just spoiled my vacation plans!

 

[Cosmos]

I remember doing this is as a teenager, but not as a sexually mature adult.

 

[Caribbean Man]

This is the part of men that I hate.


I have always been disgusted with a man who will do anything to get into any woman's panties.
For the record, I have selpt in the same bed with OSF and we never even cuddled or kissed.
One such time a friend of mine thought someone was trying to break into her small apartment. At 2.00AM in the morning she called me,and I went across.
I didn't even touch the lady. I was not interested.

Another time was after a party at a friend's house, we all slept at the house . Myself , another guy and a girl slept in the same bed.
No sex, no touching. [ Maybe we were too drunk and wasted?]
Everybody just cool.

Today we are still great friends.

Friends don't take advantage of friends.
He is not your true friend.

But then, lots of guys still begging for sex.

 

[Caribbean Man]

So why are YOU allowing him in your bed to be caressed like a lover?

I think you want this on some level.

Well I don't think she told him that she wanted sex?
They had a relationship which was dysfunctional, and they remained friends.
She told him that she was not interested in sex, more than once.
I think its her choice if she just prefers to have him close and be caressed.
Its his choice to accept that and do it or not.

If he cannot understand that she does not want sex at this time, then he should not get into bed with her.

 

[Lon]

I had a OSF that was a roomate - strictly platonic. One saturday morning she busted into my room and cuddled up beside me.

I was terrified, lol, all naked under the blankets, and didn't know what she was going for.

We're still very good friends... and never specifically mention that event ever, but both know exactly why she came in my room. (ftr we were both single at the time, but there was no way in hell I was going to jeopardize my amazing roomate situation, plus our other female room-mate who was attached is whom I had the real crush on).

 

[unbelievable]

Caribbean man, your anology isn't quite the same. She asked you to her home, allegedly for some attempted break-in. Ending up there or in the same bed was not an idea that originated between your own ears. I will concede there are some women on earth I would not be even slightly interested in nailing. If I coax a woman into a bed with me, though, she can safely assume I would be happy to do her every way from Sunday.

 

[unbelievable]

Lon, I notice you didn't say you felt no sexual attraction for her. Sounds like you immediately sized her up as a sexual partner and weighed the costs and benefits. You just decided the costs were too great. Like Caribbean Man's tale, it was the woman's choice that put you into the same bed. Have you ever invited yourself over to a woman's house and invited yourself into her bed without feeling sexual attraction for her? Ever (of your own free choosing) snuggled with a woman you found sexually repulsive?