One of the hardest thing I'm dealing with in all this...is...my attraction...my physical attraction toward him. Crazy for him physically. I see him and crave him...I try to divert my eyes..but still come across a pic here and there...he's an extremely attractive man. No matter what ever went on...my heart would skip a beat...I would watch him out the window or at work...and want him nakid. Very in love with him. Sickening isn't it?
Do you know why you feel this like about him? It’s not because he deserves it. It’s because when you have sex with him your body produces huge amounts of a bonding hormone…oxytocin.
Oxytocin works on the brain a lot like heroin. Your body learns to associate him with oxytocin production. Once you started to have sex with your body fine-tuned this response so that when you hear his voice, smell him, see him, etc… your body starts to pump out oxytocin.
You are addicted to oxytocin, not to him.
Oxytocin is a wonderful, natural, drug produced by our bodies. People love it. It’s why affairs happen, why people who are in love act like idiots sometimes (well often). They want their next fix and if they have to put up with an abusive, boorish guy to get that fix… well it’s better than no fix at all.
This is why not sleeping with a person until you know them and have vetted them as a worthy partner is so important…. Do this before allowing them access to truing on your oxytocin production.
And this is why neglected spouses fall out of love.. the oxytocin production stops and then they cannot stand their spouse to touch them.
I despreatly need to do the 180 thing...I was the rescuer...fix it...door mat...controlling....needy...co dependant...
Yes you do need to do the 180 thing. You need to not see him, hear him, smell him or things about him for some time. It takes about a year for the oxytocin connection to him to be broken.
The shortcut way to do it is to get into an exit affair… reprogram to another person. But that’s dangerous because you could end up with another abusive guy.
I know, where’s the fun in knowing that love is just a chemical addition? Find someone worth of your love.. then it comes a lot more.