Hi, Chopsy. I'm having a hard time understanding what you're saying. Your thoughts are rather choppy. Your world seems to be doubled helixed (tightly wrapped and coiled) around your spouse (ex); so much so that I do not believe you have your own identity? This is a serious problem. I'm glad that you are talking to someone about this.
I'd like to share something to encourage you and make you smile. I don't now if you listen to Christina Aguilera, but she has this song entitled Beautiful that I'd like to leave with you. I urge you to create a daily affirmation and tell yourself positive, loving things about you. Faith and belief begins with what you hear. Studies demonstrate that you believe more of what you hear yourself say. Many blessings to you and I hope this message will brighten your day.
"Beautiful"
Every day is so wonderful
Then suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed
I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down... Oh no
So don't you bring me down today
To all your friends you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The pieces gone, left the puzzle undone
That's the way it is
You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down, oh, no
So don't you bring me down today...
No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what we say
(no matter what we say)
We're the song inside the tune
Full of beautiful mistakes
And everywhere we go
(and everywhere we go)
The sun will always shine
(sun will always shine)
And tomorrow we might wake on the other side
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down, oh, no
So don't you bring me down today
Oh, yeah, don't you bring me down today, yeah
Don't you bring me down ooh... today