[Chopsy]

Bit of a low day, bit of a low week. Have finally stopped the texting/emailing the H who abandoned me. I can't do it anymore. I was really good with the 180 for about three weeks and then I started emailing/texting. I have finally accepted that this is it, he chose to leave me, and I cannot do anything to change that. Writing those emails felt good for about five minutes then the realisation I was still here alone would hit and I'd feel worse than ever. The hurt is worse than ever. I can barely function. I think I thought I could convince him to come back. Tbh, if he ever does one back, alot will have to change. I feel like I'm doing everything to revive ths marriage. I'm in IC, have read loads of marriage books. I'm just so damned tired of it all. Im done.

 

[TheEruditeOne]

Hi, Chopsy. I'm having a hard time understanding what you're saying. Your thoughts are rather choppy. Your world seems to be doubled helixed (tightly wrapped and coiled) around your spouse (ex); so much so that I do not believe you have your own identity? This is a serious problem. I'm glad that you are talking to someone about this.

I'd like to share something to encourage you and make you smile. I don't now if you listen to Christina Aguilera, but she has this song entitled Beautiful that I'd like to leave with you. I urge you to create a daily affirmation and tell yourself positive, loving things about you. Faith and belief begins with what you hear. Studies demonstrate that you believe more of what you hear yourself say. Many blessings to you and I hope this message will brighten your day.

"Beautiful"

Every day is so wonderful
Then suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down... Oh no
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The pieces gone, left the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down, oh, no
So don't you bring me down today...

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what we say
(no matter what we say)
We're the song inside the tune
Full of beautiful mistakes

And everywhere we go
(and everywhere we go)
The sun will always shine
(sun will always shine)
And tomorrow we might wake on the other side

We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down, oh, no
So don't you bring me down today

Oh, yeah, don't you bring me down today, yeah
Don't you bring me down ooh... today

 

[Chopsy]

Erudite, thank you for your message, yes I don't have an identity. I'm in the deep end of depression so maybe I'm not making any sense. Im not actually talking to anyone, I can't afford it. I went and saw a counsellor on Friday I assess me for free treatment, and he pointed out much of what you said. Will likelyhave to wait six months for treatment.I don't know why I said I was in IC. Stupid really. Thanks for reading.

 

[KathyBatesel]

Chopsy, please consider writing in a journal when you feel that urge to text or e-mail. You'll be able to say whatever you want to and you won't have those feelings of worthlessness that happen when you pour your heart out to someone who doesn't reciprocate.

Also consider using some affirmations. I describe how to use them in Beat the Blues

I promise you that if you do both of these things, you'll feel a lot better than you're feeling right now.

 

[TheEruditeOne]

Hi, Chopsy. I don't know your personal belief system; but, I am a believer in God and Christ Jesus. I will begin to pray for you daily. While I don't know you, I'm moved with compassion for you and know that God has greater than depression, anxiety, loneliness, etc. for you. While I was going through divorce proceedings, I felt some of the things that you're verbalizing now. My faith in God brought me through. I need you to believe that you will make it--take it one day at a time.

As mentioned, develop a daily personal affirmation and mutter it to yourself as often as you can each day. I do this with scripture to this day. It's a great source of encouragement and it will strengthen you. Kathy supplied you with a link to some affirmations. If you haven't done so already, I urge you to take a look at them and put them to use. Kathy also made an excellent suggestion for you to journal. Write what you feel and then write down strategies to overcome these feelings. Do this as often as you need to. I did this, while I was rebuilding myself, and now have a great bunch of short stories for people that are going through what you are experiencing. I'd also encourage you to get involved in an activity--working out, playing tennis, etc. You have a great deal of distress or bad stress right now and positive stress or eustress, which can be accomplished through physical activity, can get you to feeling better as well.

I'm here for you and have subscribed to this thread. You will make it Chopsy!!!

 

[Chopsy]

Chopsy, please consider writing in a journal when you feel that urge to text or e-mail. You'll be able to say whatever you want to and you won't have those feelings of worthlessness that happen when you pour your heart out to someone who doesn't reciprocate.

Also consider using some affirmations. I describe how to use them in Beat the Blues

I promise you that if you do both of these things, you'll feel a lot better than you're feeling right now.

Hi Kathy, I've pulled up the affirmations. I'll definitely start using them. Normally I am quite positive and use positive psychology tools- guess I needed someone to remind me to put them to use.

I've avoided journalling up till now, I think writing it will make it all seem real, but then it's pretty real already! I feel better just having some guidance like this, many thanks.

 

[Chopsy]

Hi, Chopsy. I don't know your personal belief system; but, I am a believer in God and Christ Jesus. I will begin to pray for you daily. While I don't know you, I'm moved with compassion for you and know that God has greater than depression, anxiety, loneliness, etc. for you. While I was going through divorce proceedings, I felt some of the things that you're verbalizing now. My faith in God brought me through. I need you to believe that you will make it--take it one day at a time.

As mentioned, develop a daily personal affirmation and mutter it to yourself as often as you can each day. I do this with scripture to this day. It's a great source of encouragement and it will strengthen you. Kathy supplied you with a link to some affirmations. If you haven't done so already, I urge you to take a look at them and put them to use. Kathy also made an excellent suggestion for you to journal. Write what you feel and then write down strategies to overcome these feelings. Do this as often as you need to. I did this, while I was rebuilding myself, and now have a great bunch of short stories for people that are going through what you are experiencing. I'd also encourage you to get involved in an activity--working out, playing tennis, etc. You have a great deal of distress or bad stress right now and positive stress or eustress, which can be accomplished through physical activity, can get you to feeling better as well.

I'm here for you and have subscribed to this thread. You will make it Chopsy!!!

Can I just say how grateful I am for your support and prayers. It's incredible to me that someone I not know cares enough to help me through this. I've decided i am going to start making a plan, day to day that I can implement. I'll report back.

 

[KathyBatesel]

Hi Kathy, I've pulled up the affirmations. I'll definitely start using them. Normally I am quite positive and use positive psychology tools- guess I needed someone to remind me to put them to use.

I've avoided journalling up till now, I think writing it will make it all seem real, but then it's pretty real already! I feel better just having some guidance like this, many thanks.

I've heard from a lot of people who avoid journalling, and I think you've said exactly why it's so scary!

When I've been in those rough situations, for me it feels like the other person is in the room hearing my thoughts, and THEN it feels like I'm completely alone, and then my anger gets written down, and then I find myself writing how I'll get through it. Once I'm done, I always feel so much better.

 

[Chopsy]

Wrote in my journal last night, eight pages. Feeling better for it too.

 

[KathyBatesel]

So happy to hear that!

 

[TheEruditeOne]

Hi, Chopsy! I'm so pleased to learn that you have begun journaling. Have you been doing any affirmations? I know that these tools will transition you into a place of rest and comfort. Soon, you will see a change in your attitude, actions and words--others might even see it before you do. I continue to pray for you and ask God to grant you His strength (Psalm 91), grace (2 Corinthians 12:8-9), courage (Joshua 1:9), peace (John 14:27) and victory (2 Corinthians 2:14). It is written that God so loves us, cares for us and has a great plan for us. We mustn't be surprised when people come into our lives to encourage, bless and support us, we should rejoice and receive--as you did! God's [been] sending you blessings in a variety of ways all of your life. I'm glad that you're receiving and are thankful. I'm blessed that you received the encouragement Chopsy! Many blessings and I look forward to hearing from you soon!

TheEruditeOne

 

[tryingtobebetter]

Chopsy

Sorry to hear your news.

If you cannot afford counselling, do use this forum. People here are generally be very helpful in offering advice. Sometimes it is conflicting so you do have to decide then whose advice to follow but there is a lot of good sense here.

Best wishes