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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I need to find the strength to start the 180 tomorrow or I'm going to go insane.

My husband is having an affair that he knows has no future but he is incapable of ending it permanently because he's so worried about hurting her and her hating him. He lied to me about sleeping with her and lied to her about sleeping with me. Guess who he feels bad about deceiving more (hint: not me).

After I discovered the affair via their emails he said he didn't want a divorce and wanted to work on our marriage. But he fails to understand that a choice needs to be made and stuck to.

He also says he doesn't love me and that he loves her which make me think he will never end the affair because what incentive is there really if that's the case. Why would he leave the love of his life to return to the wife he no longer loves?

Even if he does end it with her, I can't see him sticking to it and it'll be on/off until she eventually has enough and ends it for good. By that time I know I will hate him in a way that won't be healthy for my kids.

I have tried to end the marriage several times because of his failure to end it with OW, but he keeps sucking me back in by saying he just needs more time to end the affair properly. I have been weak and let my fear of being a single parent fool me into believing him - but no more.

Neither of us can afford to move out until at least July, so I need a way to preserve my sanity until I can escape.

I actually no longer care about saving the marriage - he has hurt me too many times to recover at this point. I no longer fear being a single parent and know my kids will be better off.

What I need to know is, how do I do the 180 while we live together, not make things horrible for the kids and protect myself against his manipulation? Should I just start treating him like my ex? Friendly but necessary conversation only?

I cannot wait for this agony to be over, but until then, I need a plan to keep going.
 

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First, I'm sorry you're here. You've got a tough situation.

I certainly agree that he has ended your marriage. Glad you're finally realizing that. No way you should even think about R.

Don't move out of the house yourself. You need to meet with an attorney if you haven't and file divorce papers yourself. I'd try every legal means at my disposal to get him out of your house. In a situation like this, it's brutal to be under the same roof with him for that long.

If you can't force him to leave, pack up in a separate room, do a hard, hard, 180 on him, and try to avoid him as much as possible. Find other activities to keep busy and away from the house as much as reasonable. Get on with your life as if he wasn't in it.

Read up on the 180 links here and keep posting.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks, it helps just to know I'm doing the right thing by myself and my kids.

We are already in separate rooms but I will make sure I get out as much as I can.

In my country divorce is no contest and we have to be separated 12 months to get it.

Reading every 180 post I can find :)
 
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